AIBU to not want to socialise with someone convicted of sexual offences related to children?

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

Am I losing my mind? because apparently I'm being unreasonable!.

A friends wedding is coming up. Invitation arrived ages ago and I accepted. I was really looking forward to it as would see lots of friends from Uni I haven't seen for years.

One of our old friendship group was several years ago convicted of making and distributing child abuse images. He got a suspended sentence. His GF was also part of our friendship group and she stuck by him. I cut contact with both of them.

A few years later he was caught again and jailed this time. GF found out she was pregnant just after he went inside. Again she stuck by him and they now have two children together and are still a couple but not living together since he was released.

They're both invited to the wedding which I only just found out. So I told friend who's getting married that I won't attend now because they're going.

So now I'm being pressured by the rest of the friendship group. Told that friend who's getting married is devastated, that her wedding won't be the same if I'm not there to watch her get married. Can't I just put my opinion aside for one day? That they don't want to see him either but wouldn't let the bride down. I was even called selfish!.

I CANNOT watch him laughing and joking at the reception or having a dance or whatever. I just can't watch him enjoy himself knowing what he's done and I am more angry with his partner really, although I know that's unfair but I just can't fathom her thought processes at all.

Would anyone on here be able to put it aside and go? I do feel guilty about letting my friend down and upsetting her and it seems like I'm the only one of our friendship group making this decision.

[AcrossthePond55]

I'd go and make sure everyone there knew what he was (if they don't already).

No, actually I'd probably do as you've done and just declined the invite. But I certainly wouldn't hide the reason from anyone who asked.

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

Add and goblin - thank you for your views, it is helpful to know that other people would be able to put it aside and attend.

I just don't think I can. I know him and he was always the centre of attention, always playing the fool and making people laugh. I doubt that's changed (and have heard it hasn't). I can't watch him enjoying himself. If it makes me a bad person then it does.

I haven't 'set up a nasty drama' or asked the bride to choose between guests. Yes, I told her why I wouldn't attend because to be honest, I want to make a stand. To say it is not okay that you did that, you contributed to the sexual abuse of children. And it isn't just about you serving your time - there are other consequences including people who once liked and respected you not wanting to know you any more.

And if other people want to then that's up to them but I would feel really dubious morally if I went along. To me, it would seem like saying it's okay you did that, people still want to hang out with you or pretend it didn't happen or we can just all ignore it for a day so as not to upset anyone.

I wasn't going to lie about why I won't go.

[BigChocFrenzy]

YANBU.
The bride is VVVU

Who wants to catch up with a man who wanks to pictures / videos of children being raped & tortured ?
Your "friends" - and a few posters - are trying to minimise what he has done. However, to actually serve jail time, his offences would be serious, not some poor misunderstood guy with holiday snaps or sketches.

Reply to anyone who pressures you: "I refuse to party with a twice convicted paedophile"
and ask who has been allocated to guard against him molesting any more little kids at the wedding

[lalalalyra]

Do you know why the bride has invited him? Is she still friends with him or is it a case of the GF being very isolated by him if people don't invite him?

Not that it makes it ok, but I do know a situation where people invited/included a convicted rapist in events for the sake of his partner. He was very abusive to her and her family didn't want him to succeed in completely isolating her as then she'd never have had the bravery to leave. She wouldn't have been allowed to attend weddings etc if he wasn't also invited. There's no chance it's like that?

If they are just downplaying what he was convicted of, twice, then I'd ditch them all.

[hollyisalovelyname]

You are definitely not being unreasonable.
Why did the bride invite him?
Is his partner insane.... 2 children by this awful man?

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

SGB - you can see from my OP that he got a suspended sentence the FIRST time and was jailed the second time. The second time he was in the local paper - over a thousand images including some in the highest category. I won't say here what that represents as it's hideous but it can be Googled if people are interested.

So no, his GF doesn't have more info that I'm not aware of.

[spanky2]

Christian charity?! He has by viewing child porn, made some babies and children be raped! Charity my arse! Pure evil and doesn't charity. Some things should not be forgiven. Once innocence is lost it can't come back.

[Purplepicnic]

This is horrible because it shows the bride and your other friends in an unflattering light and I would be reconsidering my whole friendship with them, which is really sad if you're old uni mates. What are they thinking?

If I was going to that wedding with my kids and I didn't know about him, I'd be fucking livid.

And SGB, I think that's the worst post I've ever read on MN.

[QueenOfToast]

YANBU.

I like your approach - you sound very measured and sensible. People need to be held to account for their actions by the community and a custodial sentence is only one part of this.

Good for you.

[Goingtobeawesome]

Addtobasket is talking bollocks and making up stuff you haven't said, OP. Take no notice.

I thank you for making a stand.

[WellErrr]

No way would I go. And I'd seriously reconsider being friends with someone who thought this piece of shit was worthy of coming to her wedding.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

I don't know why people are having conniptions at SGB's post. While I don't necessarily agree with it, it is a reasonable argument and there is no need to get the pitchforks out.

Some people have been convicted in relation to 'artificial' images, for lack of a better expression (e.g. computer-generated) that did not depict any real child suffering abuse. We may all deplore someone having the propensity to enjoy sexualised images of children but if the OP's former friend had been convicted on that basis it would be very very different from having viewed images of actual abuse of real children.

[AugustaFinkNottle]

Off the point, I know, but I don't understand how the girlfriend is allowed to keep her children if she's still associating with this piece of shit? I can't see that the fact that she doesn't live with him is any guarantee that her children are safe when she's sleeping with him (judging from the fact that she's had more than one child with him after he was convicted) and is going to social events with him.

[NeedACleverNN]

Nothing turns people into foaming, gibbering hysterics more than 'child porn' - the mere mention of it and people forget how to think.

You are actually deluded if you believe any child would do this willingly.

Seriously

[mummytime]

If I knew there was someone like that invited to a wedding - I wouldn't want to go either. (And actually if I didn't know, and went then found out afterwards - it would wreck my relationship with the bride and groom if they knew before hand.)

[AugustaFinkNottle]

MyFavourite, didn't you see the information that he'd been convicted twice and imprisoned, and that he had images in the highest category? Those will certainly involve real children being subjected to the worst kind of abuse.

[MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge]

Of course I did, Augusta, and I agree that they will, but SGB's post preceded the post where tomhardy updated with that information. SGB didn't know that when she posted.

[Scaredycat3000]

We moved to a new place. Within a week two neighbors told me quite how close a convicted pedophile lived, his victim was his infant school GC. He and his wife have a constant stream of social visitors. And they seem to be running some type of maintenance business, so a stream of vans and younger men.
I just don't get it.
YANBU

[SoupDragon]

I would go because the friend getting married isn't him.

I would not take my children and I would have absolutely nothing to do with him or his girlfriend but I would still go to the wedding. I would want assurances that I would not be sitting with him at all though.

[RupertPupkin]

'Nothing turns people into foaming, gibbering hysterics more than 'child porn'

What a grim and unenlightened comment. "Child porn"? Seriously?

OP YANBU.

[SoupDragon]

SGB's post preceded the post where tomhardy updated with that information. SGB didn't know that when she posted.

It's in the OP.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

My friend was friends with someone twice caught of possessing child abuse images, she refused to have anything to do with him, but her other friends acted like it was no big deal.

If you can socialise with someone who gets their kicks by watching kids get abused, then you are just as bad, because any decent person would be instantly disgusted.