AIBU to not want to socialise with someone convicted of sexual offences related to children?

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

Am I losing my mind? because apparently I'm being unreasonable!.

A friends wedding is coming up. Invitation arrived ages ago and I accepted. I was really looking forward to it as would see lots of friends from Uni I haven't seen for years.

One of our old friendship group was several years ago convicted of making and distributing child abuse images. He got a suspended sentence. His GF was also part of our friendship group and she stuck by him. I cut contact with both of them.

A few years later he was caught again and jailed this time. GF found out she was pregnant just after he went inside. Again she stuck by him and they now have two children together and are still a couple but not living together since he was released.

They're both invited to the wedding which I only just found out. So I told friend who's getting married that I won't attend now because they're going.

So now I'm being pressured by the rest of the friendship group. Told that friend who's getting married is devastated, that her wedding won't be the same if I'm not there to watch her get married. Can't I just put my opinion aside for one day? That they don't want to see him either but wouldn't let the bride down. I was even called selfish!.

I CANNOT watch him laughing and joking at the reception or having a dance or whatever. I just can't watch him enjoy himself knowing what he's done and I am more angry with his partner really, although I know that's unfair but I just can't fathom her thought processes at all.

Would anyone on here be able to put it aside and go? I do feel guilty about letting my friend down and upsetting her and it seems like I'm the only one of our friendship group making this decision.

Yanbu at all.

Why the hell would anyone want a paedophile at their wedding?! The couple are insane.

YADNBU. My gut feeling would be to stop contact with the lot who are putting pressure on you to go.

YANBU

I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him or his GF. I also wouldn't be hiding why i'm not attending should anyone ask.

You've made the right call. Who the fuck would stand by a man like that? Even if the brides angry now maybe when she has children she'll understand?

No way would I knowingly socialise with a child sex offender, and THAT is what he is no matter how much your friends try and sweep everything under the carpet and pretend he's super fantastic chap ...he's a Paedophile and always will be.

Bitch, they have two kids!

I would go and be there for the bride. I'd blank the child abuser.

Why make this poor bride's day about this other guy's crime? You could have just said you were busy (too late) and instead you've set up this nasty drama where she effectively has to choose between guests.

You may not like him (and I'd agree) but she had chosen to invite him. Wasn't really your place to get involved unless he was going to be an actual danger at the wedding. YABU.

I can understand your revulsion, but it would be more than sad to miss your friend's wedding, she wants you there.
Is he definitely attending the wedding?
Can you think of his girlfriend, who has stuck by him, misguidedly, but who will have suffered as much, if not more, than him.(some second-hand experience).
Christian charity? And yes, I immediately thought of the bit about millstones about people's necks.

Yanbu at all.

I suspect he doesn't live with his partner because he will be deemed to be a risk to her dcs by Ss.

I would not attend and I would be very open about why I wasn't attending. I would also cut off your friends for inviting him in the first place. I could not associate with people who are friends with a known paedophile.

What a situation. Has the bride invited the GF and he's coming as the plus 1?

Could you go to watch the wedding bit then leave?

While I understand your revulsion, you should suck it up, put your feelings aside, go and be polite. Not for the bride or your friends or because the guy deserves a second chance, but because social ostracism is linked to recidivism for sexual offenders. So showing your opinion of what he did by refusing to have anything to do with him makes kids less safe.

I'm not big on forgetting what people have done, but forgiving them, at least to the extent they can lead a normal life, is necessary if we want people to change. And since he isn't going to be kept in prison forever, change is what he needs.

SBG did you not see he has been jailed.................

I might invent somewhere else extremely important I have to be that day. Not because I'd be worried about expressing my opinion or feelings on the matter, just to let my friend the bride down a bit more gently. Then you send a card/gift and she crosses you off the list of people who'll need feeding and moves on with her wedding whirlwind.

Don't go. Tell your friends that they are all enablers, and that if she's that devastated then she would uninvite him. I too hope there are no children at the wedding, and I would be asking that question, and pointing out that the parents of any child there need to know that a paedophile will be in attendance.

No way would I go.

I never understand people who stand by them.

If my son was ever charged with rape, paedophilia or murder he would no longer be my son

YNBU

You have made your feeling clear and no further explanation is needed.

Why anyone would want a twice convicted paedophile at their family wedding is beyond me.

Also it ignorant and offensive to be asked put your opinion aside for one day, I'm sure his victims will never be able to do such a thing. He was complicit in the sexual abuse of children ffs.

I would seriously have to question if I wanted anything further to do with people who want to socialise with a person like that.

It's time people made a stand.

Don't go. You are not letting anyone down by going. The bride and groom are letting down all the children he hurt by fucking inviting him to the wedding.

Don't give an ulimatum. I'd just be dropping them if it was me tbh.

I couldn't go.
Even for the suspended sentence I couldn't
Go.

SGB, really?

Hmm, no possible reason good enough to justify that shit. None.

Hell no.

I'd also be quite concerned that his GF apparently does not see it as a big deal. Would make me wonder about her as well.

Just don't go - I would not want to; nor would I have invited him if I had been the bride. Weddings are full of children - I would not want my child near someone who has these problems.

"Foaming, gibberish hysterics" ??

SGB - I'm assuming you've been fortunate not to be sexually assaulted as a child.

People should get angry about paedophiles ffs, whether they look at images, make them or assault children in real life. Fucking Hell.

At the absolute best I would go to the ceremony, sit at the back then leave. I certainly wouldn't socialise.

SGB, really struggling to understand your logic.

OP, you are right. Tough if the bride's upset, why has she invited this vile individual to her wedding?