AIBU to not want to socialise with someone convicted of sexual offences related to children?

[tomhardyonthewaltzers]

Am I losing my mind? because apparently I'm being unreasonable!.

A friends wedding is coming up. Invitation arrived ages ago and I accepted. I was really looking forward to it as would see lots of friends from Uni I haven't seen for years.

One of our old friendship group was several years ago convicted of making and distributing child abuse images. He got a suspended sentence. His GF was also part of our friendship group and she stuck by him. I cut contact with both of them.

A few years later he was caught again and jailed this time. GF found out she was pregnant just after he went inside. Again she stuck by him and they now have two children together and are still a couple but not living together since he was released.

They're both invited to the wedding which I only just found out. So I told friend who's getting married that I won't attend now because they're going.

So now I'm being pressured by the rest of the friendship group. Told that friend who's getting married is devastated, that her wedding won't be the same if I'm not there to watch her get married. Can't I just put my opinion aside for one day? That they don't want to see him either but wouldn't let the bride down. I was even called selfish!.

I CANNOT watch him laughing and joking at the reception or having a dance or whatever. I just can't watch him enjoy himself knowing what he's done and I am more angry with his partner really, although I know that's unfair but I just can't fathom her thought processes at all.

Would anyone on here be able to put it aside and go? I do feel guilty about letting my friend down and upsetting her and it seems like I'm the only one of our friendship group making this decision.

No I do too stealth

I go to a party that's full of family and friends, I let the youngsters run off and play else where safe in the fact that I know these people and that they would watch out for them if they came across them.

Nothing turns people into foaming, gibbering hysterics more than 'child porn' - the mere mention of it and people forget how to think.

Fucking hell, you're awful.

You know full well that it is child abuse, not 'child porn.' You KNOW that.

Of course they can invite who they want, Through, but good heavens above. You'd have some morals, surely..
You're certainly not being unreasonable. The B&G must be high on either glue or waccy baccy. Oh and so must his wife to stick by him.

Mrsfizzy - thank you. He was convicted of making and distributing images but my understanding of the law (probably limited understanding!) is that downloading an image is replicating it so in essence 'making the image' on your own computer and downloading it to your computer is in essence 'distributing it' as in you're distributing the image to yourself.

I used to be confused by the offence 'making and distributing images of child abuse' in the newspapers but with no mention of the person having filmed it or shared it with others themselves. So its my understanding that's how it's seen legally.

Queenie can you really imagine having a best friend who would do this? Or even just someone in a circle you belonged to?

Can't believe what I'm reading on here, so some people think she should just suck it up and go? Sod that, by accepting the invite it's trivialising child abuse in a way, almost normalising it, glad you're making a stand OP, he'll be drunk later at the wedding...a drunk paedophile around children, people must be off their fucking rocker.

Dear God. Please tell me no children are going. If a pervert is there. I've gone cold.

Those saying oh just go, stop being such a drama llama.
Would you say the same if he had raped women?
Or he had raped another man?
Or if had been witness and stood by taking pictures of the rape(s)?

I live he has two children of his own.

He's not under probation services any more but does see a public protection officer regularly and from what I've heard he's allowed Internet access now but with the proviso that spot checks happen at any time so he could be asked to hand in his computer etc. I don't really understand this aspect, I don't know what's to stop him buying a smartphone on ebay or something and using a pay as you go sim so he could still access the Internet?

You are right, but there is no solution. The courts now accept that internet access is part of normal daily life and the order in force for this apology for a man is the usual form. Orders used to be made defining what they could and could not use the internet for and the results were preposterous. One offender was ordered not to use it except to buy lawful goods by credit card so he would be in breach if he looked at the weather forecast or the news! So now it is: do not install software which wipes clean what you have been doing and allow inspection (at home) by the police on request.

It's also been decided that an order not to own a camera must say "except the one on a mobile phone" (which he must also produce if required) because a mobile is also part of normal daily life and you can't buy one without a camera.

I would not go to the wedding, but there is always the possibility that you will find yourself on some subsequent occasion where friends are gathered and he is there - just ignore him.

Please stand by your principles op, by the sounds of it no one else is and they're condoning this man by inviting him.
Peadophiles should not be excepted in society otherwise it just condones there behaviour and I find it terrible that he has children it makes me shudder.

Solid. I'm astounded at your reply. I've came across your quite a lot on here, and you certainly do not come over as ignorant or stupid, but yet here you are calling people hysterical for being up in arms about child porn
. I think you must also be on glue.

I assess photos and videos of child sexual abuse for my job. Some of what I have to say may need a trigger warning

It is not "child pornography". That term infers consent, which is not legally possible. Every photo or video of a child being sexually abused is a crime scene. It is re victimising the child. They can be recognised on the street by people they do not know. They do not know who is "enjoying" their picture right now. The photos get recycled over and over. They can never walk away from it. It is not a victimless crime.

I'd like to address more of SGB's inaccurate post.

There have not been any convictions based solely on cgi/drawings/tracings. There has been only one conviction where drawings and tracings made up a very small amount of the evidence. Having seen it, I can honestly say it was foul. The thousands of real images were more than enough to convict him on.

As for vintage photography... a pre - pubescent child or baby in vintage photography is still a pre - pubescent child or baby. Those like me are trained to assess ages, so "provenance" is not required. It is still an illegal image, regardless of how long ago it was taken.

Many members of the public were astounded when Operation Yewtree started that so many people could be abusers and nobody take any action. We need more people like the OP who will take a moral stand, as anything else is enabling or excusing.

To quote Edmund Burke, "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men to do nothing."

OP, I would buy you a drink if I could.

2 children or his own. OMG. WTF is his wife thinking of. Does he not have to have supervised visits. He certainly should not be alone with a fish. Let alone a child.

YANBU and you were absolutely right to tell the bride why you won't be there.

If he got a suspended sentence then it suggests his offence was not as serious as some other offences.
Someone in my town got a suspended sentence for possessing images of child abuse a few years ago; the reason it was suspended, according to the judge who happened to be a graduate of the same elite university as the defendant, was because he was an intelligent man who could heal himself. The following year the judge gave a student at the same university a suspended sentence for the same offence because he said sending him to jail would ruin his studies. There are lots of reasons why some people get lighter sentences than others - sometimes it's because they talk with the right accent and are well-connected.

I don't know how you do that thebackofmyhands I really don't, it must be awful, but I realise someone has to if you're going to get a conviction..

YANBU in my view. For me, it wouldn't be so much about the actual abuser as I could ignore him for one evening, but more about the fact that my whole friendship group could actually feel it's ok to invite him and have a laugh with him, knowing what he did. That is sickening.

Queenie can you really imagine having a best friend who would do this? Or even just someone in a circle you belonged to?
I can't imagine any of my actual friends doing this, no. But neither could OP, probably, until one of them actually did.

The guy has been to jail and paid his debt to society.When are you going to let him move on with his life?You say you feel sick with his GF as well.What the heck crime has she committed? What you are saying is an adult version of the playground 'I won't be friends with you, if you are friends with him'

It is the bride's day.The guest list is NOYB .She gets to invite who she wants, Your 'ultimatum' is petulant and childish at best, and smacks to manipulate the bride's decision at worst.
You need to put the bride and her day first if you are any sort of friend.Often we have to associate with people we wish we didn't have to, and the adult thing to do is suck it up.
Finally, how will it make thingsa better place if you saty away? It will make no difference at all to the man or his missus, the only person you are punishing is your friend.

thebacksofmyhands I've seen your posts on here before, and I just want to say thank you for what you do. It must be an absolutely harrowing job, but to get the bastards prosecuted and try to help the children, it's one that someone has to do.
I don't think I could. I'm glad there are people like you who do

cate RTFT. The OP is expressly NOT making it "her business"; she's refusing to normalise this guys sick peccadilloes.

He also got done for it TWICE. They let him move on with his life the first time you reprehensible fucknut.

When are you going to let him move on with his life?

About the same time that the kids in the images he was wanking over have moved on, hows that?

oh wait.... those poor beggars might never be able to move on, it might haunt them for their entire lives, their lives might well be ruined, but i suppose its fair that "He's paid his debt to society", he can have a happy life now.

Teddy, we have a good counselling regime, and we are picked for our resilience and coping strategies.

That said, sometimes I do just have a good effing cry. The awfulness of what I see should get to me. The day it doesn't is when I should stop.