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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be getting cold feet about house move?

24 replies

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 11:08

Our house has sold and we have had an offer accepted at the one we want to move to.

But I am getting cold feet. The house we are moving to is lots more £££ and it is bigger but it needs work which we hope to do during the first year. Even though the house is bigger, the children's bedrooms are smaller and awkward sizes (bulkhead issues etc) so it won't get them more space than they currently have. The house isn't a dream home, it is a little bit ugly if I'm honest, but hardly anything comes up in the area that we are looking at so at the moment it is this house or lose our buyer.

We are moving to be cut down our commutes - which it will by at least 45 mins each way - and to be in the catchment of an outstanding secondary as our catchment secondary currently is awful.

But we absolutely love the village that we live in now, we have lots of friends and the DC are very happy and settled and I worry that they won't like their new primary (which we can get places in, which is another bonus) anywhere near as much as their current one.

Logically it is the right move, and the secondary school issue is an issue that won't go away, but I do have cold feet about the whole thing now.

OP posts:

parmalilac · 19/04/2016 11:35

Having moved some 30-odd times in my life, I can say without doubt that if you are not 100% sure about this, then don't do it. We dithered about a couple of moves and then regretted it, so now if we had any doubts or second thoughts, we would pull out of it. Something else WILL come up, it always does. Sometimes you have to listen to your gut!

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 11:38

Really? And 30 times? Bloody hell. I thought I would get told that having a pre-move wobble was normal.

OP posts:

LizzieMacQueen · 19/04/2016 11:41

Yes completely normal especially when you have made compromises BUT the extra 1.5 hours a day you'll get back - that's literally priceless.

If the school is outstanding and is likely to remain so, the financial risks of the move will be minimal. Ane your children will settle and make new friends - new kids always attract a bit of curiosity when they arrive but in a good way.

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 11:48

I am looking forward to the commute being shorter, it is bearable at the moment but in the winter leaving in the dark and coming home in the dark is awful.

I just don't want my DC to always be on the periphery of friendship groups because they joined late.

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Luc28 · 19/04/2016 11:49

If you have doubts then I would seriously reconsider, not the move but the property itself. Would it not be an option for you to rent in your ideal area then when a more suitable property comes available your in a great position to move quickly, it may also work in your favour to offer no chain.

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 11:56

Renting isn't an option for several reasons, there are no rental properties available at all and even if there was then we would be tied in to a six month contract which wouldn't be attractive to vendors.

Also, if we couldn't find a better house than this one, we would have to move again at some point which would disrupt the children and property prices are still rising - where we are currently and where we are moving to - so it would make better financial sense to remain on the ladder.

The house is the best, that we can afford, house to crop up in that area that we have spotted. But there are lots of compromises being made. I do keep hoping a better one is going to ping into my inbox from the RightMove alerts!

OP posts:

specialsubject · 19/04/2016 13:24

even if the house is ugly, you live in it and so won't see it. And it is a matter of opinion - look at that silly TV series where decent houses are made really ugly and the owners think they are wonderful.

thoughts;

how stable are those jobs?
could the good secondary go downhill?

kids don't need huge bedrooms. Bring them up to have lives, not screens and it won't matter.

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 13:52

Special, the jobs are fairly stable - as stable as anyone's these days.

The secondary has been consistently outstanding for well over a decade so I would be surprised if standards went down but that isn't impossible if the head left, for example.

But I suppose that is the risk we have to take. The garden would be bigger so I could chuck them out there more so that is a bonus!

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specialsubject · 19/04/2016 18:24

in that case - go for it! Enjoy your new home and your extra hour and a half a day!

Pinkcadillac · 19/04/2016 19:45

Imagine that you call your agent and withdraw from the sale and the purchase. Do you feel relief or a knot in your stomach?

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 20:22

Pink, I would feel worried! But a bit relieved that I have deferred the problem. We have a few years to go before secondary so the issue isn't pressing in that respect but we will get priced out of the area if we don't move soon. I hated moving when I was a kid so that is probably a part of how I feel too.

OP posts:

Pinkcadillac · 19/04/2016 20:30

if your main feeling is worry, then I'd go ahead.

Good luck whatever you decide!

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 20:35

Thanks Pink. DH thinks it is the right move and best house we are
going to get for our budget in that area so I guess we will do it. I am apprehensive.

OP posts:

JuxtapositionRecords · 19/04/2016 20:42

Can you go and see it again? It might either put your thoughts at rest or confirm what you are thinking.

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 20:52

We did - I felt much the same which didn't help! It's fine and we can make it much nicer in time but I just don't love the house and I am worried about us all settling in.

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bearbehind · 19/04/2016 20:59

I wouldn't do it.

Moving house is a massive upheaval and hugely expensive and, if secondary school is a while off, I'd risk a better house coming along.

If you already own a property then, unless the markets where you're buying and selling are wildly different, any increase in house prices shouldn't detrimentally affect you.

Unless I absolutely had to do it, I wouldn't move to a house that I wasn't happy compromising on.

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 21:18

Bear, all food for thought. Thanks.

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landrover · 19/04/2016 21:25

Absolutely move, you can make the house into a house that you love! Time is far more precious, perfect time for kids too! (Don't worry about friendship groups, they are all ditched when they go to high school anyway!!)

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 21:34

Land Rover, they are! I remember that from my own school days. My commute is exhausting and I feel it has a detrimental effect on my health - too tired to exercise etc and I hope the move would buy me a bit more time/energy to address this area of my life. I am not someone who will relish the renovation of the house, I wish someone else could do that for me before I move in.

OP posts:

beepbeep · 19/04/2016 21:43

we have just moved to an ugly house, but with tonnes of potential, we've had to do electrics, heating, new bathroom, kitchen etc etc. it's been hard but worth it.

we have had to move DCs school (aged 9,7 & 6), they are 1 and a half weeks into their new school and already starting to settle and make new friends. We could have commuted to old school, but from new address they will go to different secondary, so wanted to give them chance to make friends before then.

I think, go for it. Kids adapt and think of the extra time you can spend with them.

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 19/04/2016 21:59

BeepBeep, post more things like that! It sounds similar to our situation except our house doesn't need as much work as that. Ours is new kitchen/bathroom, artex removal, a spot of wall moving, new doors etc. I'm glad your DC are settling in already.

OP posts:

eurochick · 19/04/2016 22:28

I had doubts about moving to our current house. We moved in December 2014. The house was never right for us. We are not on the market again yet but it won't be long. Such a waste of stamp duty!

missymayhemsmum · 19/04/2016 22:55

Do you like the area you will be moving to?
Although the children will have smaller bedrooms will they have more space to play overall? And more time at home instead of childcare? Did you get a good vibe at the school? Will the house still be ugly when you have done the work you want to do, painted it, redecorated etc? Could you change the things you dislike? Does the layout suit the way you want to live? (more important than what it looks like)

Fast forward a year in your mind- if you can see yourselves with a nicer home, more family time and you and your children making new friends while keeping in touch with the old ones then go for it. Start packing and plan a house-cooling party.

Original poster

PippaFawcett · 20/04/2016 13:29

missy, the layout is the problem at the moment and that is what a lot of the work that we will do to the house will focus on. No, the house won't still be ugly after we have done all the work.

They definitely have more room to play than our current home, they will have more time at home including tea which they currently have at the childminder's and the head at the school we visited was brilliant but the buildings were dated and a bit gloomy.

I think our true friends will keep in touch but I guess it is the whole being part of a community that I know that I will miss. The area we are moving to is uglier than the one we are in - our current village is quite picturesque though with a fairly new build school - but it is nearer to a major city which is much more exciting than our nearest one so more fun for the children as they grow.

I am sure if we accept that work needs to be done to the house and that it will take time to build new friendship groups then our expectations will be managed, moving is so expensive that I don't want to make a mistake.

OP posts:

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