AIBU to expect DP to not smoke under an open window?

[newnamejustfornow]

Ok, DP smokes, he knows I hate it, he hides it from DD and doesn't smoke around us. However he often sits on the garden and listens to music/reads/has a beer and smokes. Tonight he sat against the house and smokes without checking whether DS's window was open, it was open and so when DS got home and opened his bedroom door the smell of smoke came downstairs.

I then texted DH who was out in garden still to ask if next time would he please check that Windows were closed first.

Apparently I am out of order, Windows should always be closed and he has done nothing wrong....

Just to add some context, I am a chronic asthmatic who had an attack a couple of weeks ago and have since had to have a chest xray, am on antibiotics and a new inhaler regime.

DH is claiming I am a ball breaker and he has had enough, all because I nicely asked him to.check in future..... aibu?

Yanbu at all given your health issues! I think he needs to have a word with himself tbh

That's what I thought... this was my first text btw

"Not having a go Hon but can you check that Cjs Windows aren't open before you smoke outside under them as when he opened his bedroom door I could smell it downstairs xxx "

It depends what we're talking here, if it's just a bit of a smell of smoke you can smell, maybe I'm being naive and if I am then disregard this, but surely sniffing a bit of a smokey smell is not going to set your asthma off? If it seriously could then no YANBU he needs to put your health first obviously. If it is just a bit of a nasty smoke smell that wouldn't affect your health, then I think if you decide to live with someone who smokes...well I guess sometimes smelling smoke kinda goes with the territory doesn't it? And it would be unreasonable to ask him to do a full check of all the windows in the house every time he wants to have a fag in the garden just in case one is open so you can't smell a bit of smoke, like if that's so important to you the obvious thing is not to live with someone who smokes, sorry if that sounds harsh. But like I say if it would affect your health then he would just need to bear the inconvenience of checking all the windows because obviously your health needs would trump his inconvenience.

He is lucky that your g.p isn't blaming him for your chronic asthma. My g.p explicitly told my husband that. just by exhaling from lungs full of tobacco next to me every night he was causing my asthma attacks. He only ever smoked outside too. The g.p also blamed him for my son needing an inhaler. My husband took it on board and quit that week. My asthma is so much better controlled now and my son no longer needs his inhaler.

YANBU your sons room stank of smoke, passive smoking kills, he should be horrified!

Meadowhay - I take what you say on board but before we started dating over 8 years ago I told him I wouldn't date a smoker and he told me he was in the middle of quitting and he never smoked around me. Since then he has 'tried' giving up at least twice a year but only lasts a few days before something stresses him out. He managed to.quit for a year once but that was it.

He doesn't smoke in the house and I don't expect him to check every window, just the one directly above him.

And yes, a small amount of cigarette fumes can trigger an attack. He was outside smoking for at least an hour btw.

My son (16) usually closes the window but he was out.

Seriously that must have been the guilt talking. He wants to quit but doesn't have the resolve I assume. It sounds like he knows he's in the wrong and is taking his frustration out on you. My husband does this sometimes and I talk to him very gently and nicely when he's calmed down. My husband vapes these days having never managed to give up having tried zyban (I think that's what it's called) and hypnosis. I hate that too but not as much as cigarette smoke.

He was outside smoking for an hour???

He sits there with a beer listening to music, checking Facebook Etc and would probably have 2-3 cigarettes in that time

Does he know how much you hate it. Dealbreaker for me.

The fact that he called you a "ball breaker" when you politely made an entirely reasonable request tells you all you need to know. YADNBU.

YANBU about this at all I smoke but I don't do it where smoke can waft into the house. It's pretty reasonable just to move along a it so it doesn't happen. I don't get why he's so annoyed at you for asking.