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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is confusing for a small child?

26 replies

fishcake84 · 16/04/2016 21:07

My friend has a 3 year old DD and she is trying to teach her the alphabet a little bit. She is teaching her phonetically which makes a lot of sense, and is using a lot of family names in her alphabet, such as D for Daddy, N for Nanna, J for Jacob etc etc.

We see each other several times a week and are close friends and she wants to include my name in her DD's alphabet, but my name doesn't fit in her phonetic pattern - so she is saying to her "C for Cheryl" rather than, say, "C for cat".

'Cuh for Cheryl' makes no sense whatsoever to a 3 year old and I pointed this out and said I wouldn't be offended at all to be left out of her alphabet, especially as the little girl has an aunty Catherine who could easily be subbed in! But friend is having a strop with me for messing up her thing.

SIBU, right?

OP posts:

EverySongbirdSays · 16/04/2016 21:10

No...... YABU for telling her what she should be teaching her own child and how she should teach it. Why do you care? And why do you care enough to bitch online about it?

dementedpixie · 16/04/2016 21:11

I don't think it really matters in the grand scheme of things. She's only 3 and will learn sounds, letter names and phonemes later.

TimeToMuskUp · 16/04/2016 21:12

I'm confused; your name starts with a C and she's teaching her DD words beginning with C and has included you and you think she shouldn't have? DS2 is in Reception and knows that my name begins with C but actually starts with a 'ch' digraph. I don't see why it's a problem? If he was asked for a word beginning with C he'd probably say my name.

Let your friend teach her DD how she wants to. And suggest if she wants to teach phonics to have a look at the Jolly Songs book; it's lovely for in the car/around the house and teaches them the difference between the 'c' sound and the 'ch' sound.

Original poster

fishcake84 · 16/04/2016 21:19

But she's not teaching the letter C, she is teaching the sound "cuh". So Cheryl doesn't fit!

OP posts:

Meggymoodle · 16/04/2016 21:21

You are right - it is totally confusing (albeit sweet that she wants to include you).

Ffion3107 · 16/04/2016 21:23

As I work with children I can understand why this would frustrate you, I would feel the same
You're right, it will confuse the child as she will now think that the C sound is a sh, and may be confused when she starts school as she will have been sayin "C for Cheryl" for 2 years...
It could also affect the child's reading unless your friend gives other examples.
Try explaining again to her or suggest using flash cards for the child to look at pictures of objects rather than names?!

trufflesnout · 16/04/2016 21:23

Yeah, I understand what you mean. And yes, she is breaking her own rule here. She's teaching her child the phonetic alphabet, not the alphabet, so 'cuh' for Cheryl (where the ch sounds like sh) doesn't fit at all unless your name is pronounced Currol.

Someone will just have to undo what the 3yo has learnt when she gets to pre/school.

TeenAndTween · 16/04/2016 21:24

YANBU confusing and just plain wrong.

ch for chair c for cat

Ffion3107 · 16/04/2016 21:25

Or just tell her you don't want her child to read "shat" when she looks at the word 'cat'

MoreSnowPlease · 16/04/2016 21:43

This reply has been withdrawn

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MissClarke86 · 16/04/2016 21:45

I don't think you're being unreasonable, as a teacher this would annoy me (purely because it's great she wants to help her child learn and it's a shame this isn't accurate and will contradict her learning in school) ..but if you've explained and she won't give in theres nothing you can do.

TheSnowFairy · 16/04/2016 21:47

I think this is more about association and you should be flattered (especially as she has an Aunty C)

TeenAndTween · 16/04/2016 21:48

Probably best for parents of 3yos to pop over to the Primary Education board. It's preferable if you are going to teach your 3yo to do it consistently with how primaries teach in reception.

tethersend · 16/04/2016 21:48

DD2 is 3 and knows that 'cuh' and 'huh' together make a 'ch' sound.

I'm not sure how she knows, we didn't teach her

Maybe your friend could tell her DD that?

MissClarke86 · 16/04/2016 21:49

The problem is the difference between the letter name 'c' and the phoneme 'c' or "cuh". Teaching children that the letter 'c' makes different sounds is accurate. Teaching them that "Cheryl" starts with a letter c is also correct.

But what is happening here is that the mother doesn't understand phonics. Cheryl does not begin with a "c" sound (if the mother is pronouncing it "cuh"). It is a letter C, but that is part of a sound making a "ch" sound.

In the long run the child will learn the accurate way at school, but it's frustrating that the mother wants to be helpful and is actually making it harder for the child by inadvertently teaching her incorrectly.

Lweji · 16/04/2016 21:49

Did she ask your opinion and in fact doesn't want it?

I think it's confusing. But as with most things with friends, just let her to her own mess. :)

AugustaFinkNottle · 16/04/2016 21:51

YANBU. It's ridiculous for your friend to be offended just because you point out that "cuh for Cheryl" doesn't work.

merrymouse · 16/04/2016 21:52

Yes it is confusing. There is no point introducing letters phonetically and then linking them to a different sound. It would be less confusing just to use letter names.

pictish · 16/04/2016 21:52

You're right but leave her to get on with it...it really doesn't matter.

spanky2 · 16/04/2016 21:53

She needs to be careful as 'cuh' isn't the right sound for cat. You don't say 'cuh'at. It's a shorter sound so it is c without the uh sound on the end. Teach initial sounds first, then blends. If she want to do it properly she can download 'sounds and words' (I think it's called,) which is what infant schools use to teach reading. It's organised in order, as there are a lot of letter combinations for different sounds.

WakeUpFast · 16/04/2016 21:54

You should be happy your name made it to the alphabet list.

There's an alphabet song on YouTube that has "Fox" for "X".

upthegardenpath · 16/04/2016 21:55

I don't think OP is coming on here to bitch, at all, FWIW.

Risky business though, pointing out to a parent that they may be doing something 'wrong'.
Tread carefully!
Even if you have a very valid point, at the end of the day her DD probably won't be scarred for life

Ffion3107 · 16/04/2016 21:57

I think she's saying that her friend has just started introducing sounds, without looking at words. So if a child learns C for SH(ch) from the start, it will be confusing.
However, when they start reading of course there are many different sounds they need to learn. Like H, you wouldn't teach TH, CH, SH, before teaching H for hat.

WakeUpFast · 16/04/2016 22:00

Actually, do you pronounce your name SHeryl like Cheryl Cole or actually CHeryl? If it's SHeryl then I can understand the confusion a bit more.

Original poster

fishcake84 · 16/04/2016 22:20

Yeah I am a "Sheryl" not a "Ch"eryl, which makes even less sense.

I am flattered she wants to mention me in her alphabet, but I couldn't just stand by while she said "a for apple, buh for Barney, cuh for Cheryl, duh for Daddy, eh for elephant..." - it made me giggle and she asked what was funny. All I said was that my name doesn't start with Cuh sound. She got a bit snippy saying she just wanted to be nice and include me, which I agreed was lovely but that I wouldn't be offended if I didn't fit! I haven't pointed out the aunty Catherine but it did occur to me after the conversation.

OP posts:

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