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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be unable to open up to GP?

23 replies

enchantedfairytale · 15/04/2016 21:40

Has anyone else ever experienced this?

I'm fairly sure I've got depression, although it seems to come and go, sometimes I feel so awful and other times not that bad really :) but anyway, I know I should let a doctor decide that.

The thing is they are so dismissive. I feel like such a nuisance. I went today and wanted to talk about the fact I think I'm depressed but the GP was so brusque I just ended up talking about an injury I got through exercise (which is pretty sore in fairness.)

Everyone says GPs get this all the time but how do you actually address it?

OP posts:
Chorltonswheelies422 · 15/04/2016 21:45

Write it down and hand to your go. Write that you think you have depression and why.

I'm sure other mumsnetters will be along but I would also say you should get another gp if your current gp doesn't help/is rather brusque next time

Original poster
enchantedfairytale · 15/04/2016 21:47

Thank you :)

You get a different GP every time. I have only been twice (today being the second time) and had a lovely man once but today had a younger woman who I found very difficult - she kept interrupting me which made it hard to explain.

OP posts:
VioletTea · 15/04/2016 21:55

YANBU I also have depression and have found it extremely hard to open up to GPs in the past.
Some have been brusque, some patronizing, some downright rude.

But then again I have also experienced some wonderfully compassionate GPs who are very caring and patient.

Please try again, like another poster mentioned perhaps write it down and hand it to the doctor.
Deep breaths and rehearsing what you want to say. Don't let them rush you.
Best of luck!

Chorltonswheelies422 · 16/04/2016 08:04

Bumping for you OP. How are you feeling today?

Original poster
enchantedfairytale · 16/04/2016 08:04

Thank you, Violet, I just can't bring myself to at the moment - silly I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
enchantedfairytale · 16/04/2016 08:06

What a funny X post!

I had an awful night but don't feel so bad today, I think because it's quite nice today and am selling the house and estate agents are coming to value it, so have a 'plan' of sorts.

I just have this horrible feeling all the time I've ruined my life, which I know sounds dramatic. I'm not given to melodrama, I promise! It's just how it feels.

OP posts:
redexpat · 16/04/2016 08:17

Ask to book a double appointment. Nothing's worse than a GP who interrupts. It is dismissive and when you've made an appointment to discuss mental health counterproductive.

Fwaffy · 16/04/2016 08:26

I'm a GP.

Sometimes all the patient has to do is open with is "This is really difficult".

Could you manage that do you think? It's a real sign post for emotional difficulties and the GP will often lead your story out of you then. Or even just give you some silence and let you carry on at your own pace.

Mental health issues are every bit as "deserving" of help as physical issues and they are a big part of a GPs job.

I hope you get the help you needFlowers

PeppaIsMyHero · 16/04/2016 08:27

Just wanted to add my support - I've been there and it's so difficult to bring up the first time because it feels weird (and unBritish? Maybe that's just me...).

When you feel low, note it down. Don't judge yourself, just make a note of it. If you cry for no reason, note it down. If you can't drag yourself out of bed, note it down. If you feel like there's no point to life, note it down.

I found myself crying into a freezer in Waitrose and realised I really needed help Grin but it took me a while to be able to bring it up with a doctor as I couldn't pin it on anything and felt melodramatic.

When you go to the GP, tell them you're having difficulty coping and please could they help you. Don't be afraid to go on anti-depressants if they are offered - they got me through a really low period in my life and you do move on afterwards.

Good luck.

allegretto · 16/04/2016 08:29

I feel for you. It took me ages to pluck up the courage to talk to my GP about depression. She opened the door saying something like "sorry for the delay, the last two people were crying on my shoulder with depression so I am running way behind now". Needless to say I didn't say anything in the end. I hope you have a better experience.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 16/04/2016 08:30

I understand. It took me 4 appointments to mention I was feeling a bit down. I have this horrible habit of pretending everything is fine, to everyone. When I finally told the GP I was "a bit down" I found myself following it up with "I'm probably just tired".

Katastrophe13 · 16/04/2016 08:36

I had a very brusque, no nonsense kind of GP who I always felt was slightly mocking me! I have an anxiety disorder and went through an episode where I was finding it hard to function at all and it was having a big impact on my life. I went to see her because I was at the end of my rope. She sat there in silence while I blurted everything out and then she said 'it must have been very difficult for you to come here today' and she took really good care of me. So even if you get a frosty one, they can and should be able to deal with you more compassionately when you are seeing them for a mental health condition. I know it's hard, but it's worth going through it to get treatment. I think it very unlikely that a GP would dismiss your feelings. I hope you are feeling better soon Flowers

Original poster
enchantedfairytale · 16/04/2016 08:37

Thank you Fwaffy :)

I don't actually know what I want, either - something to just perk me up a bit and have me feeling more like 'me'? I don't know if such a thing exists!

Am glad it's not just me though Flowers

OP posts:
VioletTea · 16/04/2016 08:37

Allegretto that was awful of your GP Shock not to mention breaking patient confidentiality?!

readytorage · 16/04/2016 08:41

Definitely write it down. Also, you must learn to say "please stop interrupting me as I'm finding this quite difficult" it's not rude to say that and it will help you no end

VioletTea · 16/04/2016 08:41

Glad you're feeling a bit more on top of things today OP. The weather helps me as well (it's beautiful here right now!) I'm feeling quite happy and positive too.

Get a plan of action in your head and please make another appointment.
Don't listen to those silly voices, you have not wasted your life at all, you are taking positive steps to stay in control and in focus.
Flowers and good luck for today!

Mousefinkle · 16/04/2016 08:48

It's very dependent on the GP. At my surgery there's four main ones that have been there for years, since I was a child! I know them all and feel comfortable with them, they're fantastic GP's. But there's a few other newer ones that are dismissive and try to rush you through as quickly as possible. One of them was so rude I specifically ask to not see her now, she basically said "what do you want me to do about it?" when I went in with DC1 as a baby Shock. Others have mirrored my experience with her, she asks "what do you think the problem is?" Erm... I don't know, I didn't go to medical school." Hmm.

If you find the right GP for you they're honestly worth their weight in gold. You just need to be firm with them which I know can be tough but don't let them interrupt or dismiss you, make sure you don't leave until you feel satisfied. Good luck Flowers.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 16/04/2016 08:52

If possible, book in with a sympathetic GP, or book a double appt.

If you have a single appt you only have a 10 min slot, so I would practice saying your opening line "I think I might be depressed", no ambiguity. If the GP opens with something else e.g. "has your injury got better?" Stick to your opening anyway!

Think about what treatment you would like in advance- antidepressants, counselling, cbt? Look at the depression articles on patient.co.UK for info. If you have a preference tell the GP this early on in the consultation.

I hope it goes well Flowers

LifeIsGoodish · 16/04/2016 08:53

I took my DP with me to the appointment, under instruction to speak up for me if I avoided the issues, but otherwise to just be strong and silent for me. It helped enormously.

A few years later I had to go through it again, but with a new GP practice. As it happened, I was given a same day appointment and dh had already left for work. I considered calling him and asking him to come back home, but decided to save that for a real illness (ie a child being ill, because, of course, me being mentally ill isn't 'real' Hmm) Instead I went down the note route. It simply said "I need to talk about depression" and I silently handed it to the GP. She was brilliant.

Try it.Smile

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 16/04/2016 08:57

Mouse, during GP training New GPs are encouraged to ask patients what they think the problem is and what tests/ treatments they are expecting, so they can frame their advice accordingly. No point in spending time talking about an exercise referral if the patient secretly thinks they have cancer, as they won't take on board what you are saying, and will leave feeling they weren't taken seriously.

TheRealBarenziah · 16/04/2016 15:19

Yup - am currently revising for the final exam which will qualify me to work independently as a GP (it's on Thursday and if I fail it I'll have to pay £1600 to resit - no pressure!). We have it drilled into us that we have to elicit the patient's ideas, concerns, and expectations. If the patient has got a specific concern, then, as Gu says, they are likely to leave the consultation feeling dissatisfied and worried if that isn't addressed. Saying "what do you think it is?" risks making the GP sound daft so I try to ask something more like "Is there anything in particular you're worried this might be?"

Different doctors have different consultation styles. I love all my colleagues, but if I had a mental health issue, I can see that some colleagues would be easier to consult with than others. It may be worth you asking family and friends if there's a particularly nice doctor they've seen at the practice, or you could ask reception if any of the GPs have a special interest in mental health. And book a double appointment if possible. Good luck Flowers

Pixienott0005 · 18/04/2016 12:42

Hope you feel better soon.

Itinerary · 18/04/2016 12:57

Can you remember the name of the nice GP? You can ask for an appointment with a particular GP.

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