To be anxious about DD spending the night at her dad's

[Natsku]

Its her first overnight with him in about a year and a half as he's been hospitalised twice in that time for psychosis but after slowly working up to unsupervised visits its time for the first overnight as per the Court Order and I am rather anxious!

DD is 5 and seems quite happy to go there but its far away in the middle of nowhere so no chance for her to come home if she changes her mind. He has form in the past for not returning her from visits (to the point that I had to 'kidnap' her) but he is supposed to be much better now mental health-wise as he is taking his medication so logically I shouldn't be too worried but I am. Would have felt more at ease if she had a phone so I can contact her/she can contact me but I ordered a watch phone that hasn't arrived yet.

Please tell me I am being unreasonable and she will be fine!

£10 PAYG mobile?

Thinking that might be a good idea

YANBU I would be anxious too payg phone is a good idea I'd also be in a tent round the corner.

Also not to sound paranoid but my dad always made us have a word, so if we felt worried at any point and someone was watching our texts we could text "have you fed the ginger cat?" Or he'd text "what does the ginger cat eat?".

We didn't have a ginger cat so if we answered it could mean all wasn't ok.

She's very confident to speak up if she's worried or unhappy waypast (very blunt about it too!) so don't think a secret word is needed (though good idea for future) but yeah, PAYG phone seems to be the only solution to stop me spending the whole weekend pacing up and down worrying. Will go to the phone shop after she's finished watching her cartoon and get a simple one and teach her how to use it.

I think a phone is a bad idea - all your going to do is pace up and down looking at your phone waiting for it to go off and make your anxiety worse.

It's good your DD isn't afraid to speak up if they think something is wrong - take confidence from that.

YANBU but if this is going to be a regular thing you may have to come up with some coping strategies for when she's away -have something planned etc.

Well the phone shop was shut so that decided the phone question.

We were planning on spending the night at a spa hotel to keep distracted but OH is ill so that scuppered that plan. Its going to be EOW so I need to get used to it, and I'm sure I will be fine once the first few weekends are done so I know everything goes well and she's ok.

Most supermarkets sell cheap PAYG phones. Could you set some guidelines - DD should be able to text at breakfast & bedtime?

Not in the UK four, though I didn't think to check the newsagents, they sell some phones so will go look there.

She can't text as she's only 5 but I'm going to ask her dad to get her to call in the morning, and bedtime if she wants to but its probably better that bedtime isn't interrupted so he can try and get the bedtime routine working.

The phones in the newsagents were too expensive but maybe its best without anyway as I'd probably just be waiting for phone calls. Her dad just picked her up and said he'll let her call in the morning so guess I better just get some wine or something to distract me