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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU school and photos!!

28 replies

Tryingtostayyoung · 07/04/2016 21:47

Hi all!! Looking for opinions as have absolutely no idea whether DH or I ABU. DD is just about to start nursery, it's also part of a school and we have just been going through all the forms to fill in and give back. In there is a document that basically is asking your permission to use your child's photo for publicity or in newspapers as sometimes it may not be possible to ask your permission first.

I went to a very big primary school so we were forever having newspapers etc coming in and taking pics and it was always so exciting to be picked and it also reads to me that they may take pictures and put it on things like their FB page or newsletters on fun days and stuff and I would trust that it wouldn't be something that I wouldn't want as I obviously trust the school to be sending my DD there.

DH doesn't want to give consent because it's not that he is against this kind of thing but that he would want to see the picture first as it may be something that he wouldn't approve of but does aknowledge he may be abit OTT.

Would you be ok with this? AIBU to want to tick the yes I give consent box?

Thanks!!

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 07/04/2016 21:50

Ask your DH which sort of things he wouldn't approve of.

WorraLiberty · 07/04/2016 21:51

Can he give an example of something he wouldn't approve of?

Surely he'd be more concerned that the school was asking her to do something he doesn't approve of, than publishing a photo of it? Confused

SoupDragon · 07/04/2016 21:52

What on earth does he think they'll be doing at school/nursery that would be inappropriate??

Lollipopstick · 07/04/2016 21:52

Out school had a box on the acceptance form that you ticked if you were happy for your child to appear in such photos -

monkeysox · 07/04/2016 21:54

People not ticking these boxes is what has lead to us no longer being able.to film or photograph nativities etc.

Understand if dc in nc with one parent or adopted and don't want to publicise location but sounds like your dh ibu

Sirzy · 07/04/2016 21:55

Unless he can identify some specific fears then it seems he is being ott

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 07/04/2016 21:57

I honestly have no idea, I asked him and he just said i don't know I would just want to see a picture of my DD before it went into a newspaper etc, I think it's that more than their newsletters and FB page that bothers him. I don't really see the harm in it.

Exactly what i said, it's a school, what would be inappropriate? He did then backtrack and say that he just meant he would want to see it first. Tbh he's one of those people that are really funny about putting pics of her on social media and things like that so its not surprising. I think it's got a lot to do with the fact aswell that his school was a tiny village primary school( think 15 kids per year) so they never had things like photos on newsletters and newspapers.

OP posts:
Osolea · 07/04/2016 21:58

I was slightly uncomfortable ticking that box, but I'm glad I did. It's fun seeing your child's first class photo or random school event picture in the local newspaper.

There won't be an opportunity for your DH to see the pictures first, if you don't consent, then the pictures just won't be taken including your child. It's perfectly fine to refuse consent of you aren't comfortable with it, but like you say, if you can't trust the school to use the photos in a way you approve of, then what are you doing letting them care for and educate your child?

SummerHouse · 07/04/2016 21:58

To me its just a formality for anyone who does not have some specific reason their child can't be pictured.

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 07/04/2016 21:59

Monkeysox he is one of the first people to moan about not being able to record or photograph occasions like this which just baffles me more!!

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 07/04/2016 22:06

My oh was like this when my girls started nursery, he has relented a bit more now though, particularly after my eldest was upset because she was excluded from a class photo because of lack of permission. I don't see it as a problem as they don't tend to attach names unless it's an individual prize or such.

Misknit · 07/04/2016 22:06

The school won't seek approval later when they have the photos. I do the promotional side of things for my school and I will select groups of students I know I have permission to take useable photographs of.

WhiteBlueDaisies · 07/04/2016 22:06

This is really for children who are in possible danger in having their school/ identity published. It's such a pain and effort for the school to make sure your DD won't appear in any photos when it's for no reason whatsoever.

But as long as you don't mind her being taken out whenever they are taking group pictures then go for it.

thelostboy · 07/04/2016 22:17

It's purely a personal choice. There are perfectly valid reasons to not want your child's photo and name in the press and especially broadcast on social media, usually to protect them and their family. It doesn't stop parents taking photos at events at our kids school, but the school makes it clear that you can only put photos of your own kids up on social media.

SugarDiabetes · 07/04/2016 22:23

We had our reception class photographed by the local paper as every school does in September, cue one very angry mother, wanting to know why her child was 'missing'

She was very surprised when we reminded her she hadn't given permission!

MrsMook · 07/04/2016 22:56

It's unusual for children not to have permission, and it is usually through a legitimate concern that the child will be identified by a specific person where there is a safeguarding risk.

I currently deal with a child without photo permission (for sound reasons) and it is a faff to ensure that she isn't placed in a compromising position. (It's obviously worthwhile, my point is that it's not free of consequences)

He is BU to create difficulties when there is no sound reasoning.

lalalalyra · 07/04/2016 23:10

Does he realise that not giving permission won't mean he gets to vet photos? That it means your child just won't be in them?

I think photos in the newspaper with your hair a riot that make your Mum (Nana in my case) sigh that once again you are in the paper looking like you were dragged to school through several hedges is a rite of passage for children and unless there are genuine concerns about photos then they should be included.

Some parents need to remember that little (when there are no concerns, I realise for some people it's a really quandry) decisions like this actually have an impact for the school staff who need to go round making sure that Mary and Bob haven't wandered into the photo (sometimes meaning Mary needs to be spirited away from the Nativity before the photographer places her centre stage) and also on the child who misses out on something her classmates are doing.

GoblinLittleOwl · 08/04/2016 12:36

I wouldn't be pleased to see photos of my children used for publicity in political party propaganda, (any party); our former MP and some local councillors frequently use photographs of themselves in local schools with pupils in promotional literature.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 08/04/2016 13:06

I took brownies on a trip and the venue wanted photos of them to promote what they were offering. One child didn't have photo permission so kept having to be told to dodge out of shot. Obviously where there are valid reasons, then nobody minds, but when it's something the parent can't even articulate like in your DHs case then it's unreasonable. We've never been told of any issues regarding this child in any other safeguarding context (we have with other children).

Obviously we respect the parents right to chose but it's a faff for the staff and the child who may feel excluded.

If DH had specific valid concerns then i woyld say to respect them but since he doesn't even know what bothers him yanbu to just give permission

Original poster
Tryingtostayyoung · 08/04/2016 16:14

Gobbinlittleowl it's funny you mentioned that, this morning we had a second little chat and he said this is something that he wouldn't like (as we know from friends who already have children at this school/nursery that they have done this quite a few times) and published on their party booklets that have been put through people's doors.

I think the thing is there are 1 or 2 things that I agree are valid things that I wouldn't be excited about but I don't think they outweigh a lot of other things that would actually be nice opportunities for our DD but I don't like just ignoring his feelings so I suppose was looking for a few different things I could argue to him that may make him see it from my point of view.
Thanks everyone for your ideas and POV it has really helped!!

OP posts:
honeylulu · 08/04/2016 16:25

What lalalalyra said.
You won't get the opportunity to see and approve photos. Your child just won't be in the photos taken at school. This is the case for some children at my sons school and scout group and they hate being differentiated.

teatowel · 08/04/2016 16:56

Quite a few parents put no on these forms for reasons they can't articulate. They then get upset when their child is missing from photographs in the local paper. If I have time I actually ring the ones on my no list and say the paper is coming to take photographs of us. The parents always say oh yes how lovely, of course they can be in it!

DrinkUpBaby · 08/04/2016 21:35

I actually work as a PR officer for a school and I find that the children who can't have their photos taken are often left out (sometimes on a daily basis) we are very big on Twitter and Facebook in my school and post photos for parents to see daily.

It's awful for me to go into a classroom and have to pull a couple Of kids aside as they don't have permission to be photographed. I think unless you have a good reason for not wanting your kids to be seen then it can be quite cruel.

The feedback from parents on our Facebook page is incredibly positive. They love seeing their child praised for being student of the week or getting an A on their coursework. And the kids love it when they are featured in the local paper.

DrinkUpBaby · 08/04/2016 22:01

Schools should be politically neutral and should not be giving political parties permission to use their photographs or allowing them to come into the school and photograph their students.

The forms parents fill out at my school clearly state that they are giving permission for their child to be photographed for publicity purposes of the school and nothing else. If the school then allows photos to be featured in political marketing material then they are definitely in the wrong and I would double check with your school where they stand on this before you sign anything!.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 08/04/2016 23:04

Our school had several options
Please tick if you are happy for your kid to be in

Newsletter
Photo
Website
Twitter feed

Names were only put on the newsletter issued to each kid in school.
Along the lines of
Y4 won the football. Well done to Bert as captain.
Y6 had a cake sale. Thanks to Janet and John for making cakes.
This week's star of the week for each class was
Bert
Fred
Maxis
Whoever....

Photos on trips were
Y3 had a wonderful time drawing lions at the zoo. Nobody got eaten. 3 sample kids sketches and two pix of a group of kids eating their lunch.

Exdp never wanted to sign the permission slips.
I think when ds was tiny, I signed all apart from Internet.
Now he is almost a teen, I ask if he wants his picture on these things. Mostly he says yes.

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