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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How would you feel? Facebook related

18 replies

BreakfastMuffin · 03/04/2016 11:26

I'm in my late 30s. I have an average number of friends on fb some of which are relatives/close family. We have had a fall out with my mum a few years ago which is still ongoing but we're friends on facebook. Trying to be neutral here to see what people think, so won't go into much detail, but this morning I received an email from her saying that she's had a look at my fb and can see that I've made my friends list private, she's asking me why I 'closed' it from her and how could I do this to her, she's very disappointed with me and what a terrible person I'm etc (the usual stuff she says in every email). I have had my friends list private for several years now which she obviously didn't know about and took it as if I only just did it to annoy her which isn't true. What emotions and feelings would you have reading her email. Just doing a reality check.

OP posts:

EatShitDerek · 03/04/2016 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleBearPad · 03/04/2016 11:27

I'd think she was a pita and try very hard to let it go.

MoreGilmoreGirls · 03/04/2016 11:29

She is trying to get you to respond. Ignore if you can.

StopBoasting · 03/04/2016 11:41

I'd feel annoyed but I'd try and not let it bother me.

I'd reply with a sorry, but I've had the same settings for years. I like to keep my friends feeds separate from family feeds. That's all

I know you have no reason to say sorry but I think a polite dismissive reply is best. You don't want to feed the drama by not reply or replying with an angry response.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 03/04/2016 11:47

Is this actually a thing people get angry about?! Ignore her. She needs to get a grip.

Stillbloodyfat · 03/04/2016 11:48

I don't know the history of her behaviour but she does sound like someone who is prone to emotional manipulation. It sounds as though she was looking for a reason to make contact with you and force guilt upon you as this is a very flimsy reason for such aggression. She will feed off an emotional response so give her a short simple factual response such as "my friends list has always been private". Don't engage with this kind of behaviour.

sonjadog · 03/04/2016 11:50

Ignore her. That is a ridiculous thing to get worked up about. It is just a reason to have a go at you. If she should insist on taking it up with you, say it is a general setting not just for her. End of conversation.

For comparison: I have refused to be friends with my mother on fb. She would be all over everything I posted and drive me insane. It doesn't bother her at all (I think deep down she knows I'm right).

Abed · 03/04/2016 11:51

Tell her to do one, your friend list is nothing to do with her.

QuiteLikely5 · 03/04/2016 11:51

'My friends list has been private for the last five years as that is the setting I chose when I signed up to Facebook.'

Now f***k off

Ok so leave the second part out but seriously I cannot believe people like this exist!!

Lollipopstick · 03/04/2016 11:53

The best response is to ignore her.

balls2DWall · 03/04/2016 11:54

i had a sil n bil friends on my fb. we dont talk. so one day just thought face book is supposed to be friends i actually know and like so deleted them.

if she is not a friend, delete her. i know its ur mum but only u can decide that.

SmallCarrot · 03/04/2016 12:04

Ignore her, it's pointless to get into a conversation about it.

EweAreHere · 03/04/2016 12:20

Ignore her. If she brings it up again, defriend her. Life is too short.

ReadyPlayerOne · 03/04/2016 12:25

I'd say she was trying to provoke an argument and that it's probably not worth your time as she just wants to rail against you.

PortiaCastis · 03/04/2016 12:28

Just ignore. Facebook causes a lot of friction.

GraysAnalogy · 03/04/2016 13:04

I'd email her back and say it's actually closed to everyone who's not a friend because why on earth would you want to look at my friends list (nosy gobshite)

She also needs to rethink her idea of 'terrible person' the drama queen.

Original poster

BreakfastMuffin · 03/04/2016 13:08

Thanks all. Have said to her it's been private for ages and even if it wasn't it I should be able to change settings on my own fb without her having a go at me. To which I received a v long reply about how she always thought we were best friends and there shouldn't be any secrets between us, she's given me the best childhood and now I'm so ungrateful etc. Not replying to this one. I can only imagine what she'd be saying if I unfriended her...

OP posts:

Lollipopstick · 03/04/2016 13:28

Seriously - my advice is ALWAYS ignore these types of messages - if you reply you just bring on more of them. You shouldn't have replied at all. Since I've started ignoring these types of messages from my mother she's stopped sending them as there's no point - I won't engage and get drawn into the drama anymore.

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