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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ushers should attend the actual ceremony

31 replies

Usherusher · 02/04/2016 21:36

NC as I can't believe anyone else would entertain this so it's very outing..

Talking to friends and their husbands are ushers at a mutual friend's wedding- however they are not attending the actual ceremony as the registry office is too small (not tiny - seats about 40).

They are expected to turn up before the ceremony, see everyone in, potter off during the ceremony then be around for photos after.

The wives are only invited to the 'do' after.

wtf would you do that? Why bother asking them to be ushers.

OP posts:
Roobix04 · 02/04/2016 21:37

That's weird. Surely you'd ask people who you'd actually invited to the ceremony?

Mummyme1987 · 02/04/2016 21:38

Thats weird! Ushers are at the ceremony.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 02/04/2016 21:38

That sounds odd. Aren't ushers supposed to be the most important people in your life?

Original poster
Usherusher · 02/04/2016 21:40

the bride has become a complete bridezilla but this takes the biscuit IMO.

the ushers are both completely flummoxed by this and the wives are furious.

It's truly bonkers.

OP posts:
honeyroar · 02/04/2016 21:41

We had a small ceremony (about 35 people). The whole point of such a small ceremony was that you didn't need ushers or fuss.

EpoxyResin · 02/04/2016 21:44

Weird!

Then again nothing about weddings makes any sense anymore; so many of the traditions have been appropriated. They probably just wanted some mates to show their guests to their seats and called them ushers.

Waste of a day for these "ushers" IMO.

RudeElf · 02/04/2016 21:46

Thats really bad form of the couple!!

Ushers are the men who are close to the groom but just not as close as best man/groomsmen. They arent hired help!

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2016 21:47

The ushers need to tell Bridezilla to fuck off.

Inertia · 02/04/2016 21:49

Completely bizarre- ushers are part of the ceremony!

Sounds like the bride actually needs paid staff, not ushers.

Northernlurker · 02/04/2016 21:49

Presumably the ushers are friends of the groom not bride? I would be advising them to have a word with their mate tbh. Not a good start to a marriage to behave in totally bizarre way!

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 02/04/2016 21:52

I can't see the need for ushers in a small ceremony. It's all bonkers.

Original poster
Usherusher · 02/04/2016 21:54

Tbh he does what she says anyway so the wedding is no different.

It's actually so bonkers it's funny.

Fortunately it's a local wedding so no one is going out of their way to attend and it does have a kind of perverse 'what next' attraction so they'll go along with it.

OP posts:
Lemonblast · 02/04/2016 21:55

I can't imagine there will be much ushering required for 40 people.

EpoxyResin · 02/04/2016 21:56

Perhaps the bridesmaids will be behind the bar??

Original poster
Usherusher · 02/04/2016 21:58

Exactly lemon

They were never needed.

No one would have batted an eyelid if they all just been invited for the party after (marquee in village) but this is beyond strange.

OP posts:
londonrach · 02/04/2016 22:06

Anyone else thinks this marriage wont last long! Op its very strange to exclude the ushers this way. Groom needs to say something!

Original poster
Usherusher · 02/04/2016 22:11

Groom won't say anything.

Blokes take this stuff less seriously than women and can't be arsed with the hassle of confrontation.

I can't wait for the wedding to see what other 'surprises' there are. Its proper car crash tv.

OP posts:
Andylion · 02/04/2016 22:49

Ushers are the men who are close to the groom but just not as close as best man/groomsmen.
I thought "usher" was just another word for "groomsman".
It sounds like they just want their pictures to look impressive, rather than reflect what actually happened on their wedding day.

Canyouforgiveher · 02/04/2016 22:53

Do they have to dress up for this ushering?

It is beyond bizarre but does have a lot of comic potential. I would be so tempted to officiously over-usher if I were one of the ushers- move people around, arrange them tallest to smallest, then by color of dress, then by righties/lefties, or by those who take sugar in their tea/those who don't.

lborolass · 02/04/2016 23:07

How many ushers will there be, will each guest have their own designated one or will there be one allocated to each family group - very odd.

Kpo58 · 02/04/2016 23:12

If the ushers are not allowed to attend the ceremony, then neither should the bridesmaids or any other attendants, such as ring bearer.

It does seem a very odd set up.

Silverfoxofwarwick1953 · 02/04/2016 23:16

The ushers could stand.

jay55 · 02/04/2016 23:20

So she wants them to be bouncers.

rosieliveson1 · 02/04/2016 23:25

I bet they have to rent their own suits too!
This sounds like the start of many a good thread!

Floggingmolly · 02/04/2016 23:32

Sounds like a really classy do, if she needs bouncers.