Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thinking I should be left in peace to get well.

30 replies

LovelyBath · 28/03/2016 20:58

I have Shingles. It's nasty. Getting on with it as we do, having a bit of a rest when I can. Parents want to visit in last week of Easter hols. Have told them of illness and asked to postpone but they won't. I have told them want to be left in peace to recover.

OP posts:
Nibbl3s · 28/03/2016 20:59

Perfectly reasonable. I would understand if I were them, get well soon ThanksBrew

Coldtoeswarmheart · 28/03/2016 21:00

YANBU. Get well soon Flowers

formerbabe · 28/03/2016 21:01

Are they helpful types or will you be expected to "host"? If the latter, yanbu!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/03/2016 21:02

Would they help you/in the house? It might be nice to have thst.,otherwise yanbu.

LindyHemming · 28/03/2016 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishaps · 28/03/2016 21:09

What do you mean they won't postpone? If you have said that it is not possible for them to visit that week because you are ill, then they can't come. End of. It is YOUR home.

Original poster
LovelyBath · 28/03/2016 21:13

They have an odd relationship and have divorced although still visit each other. Called my dad today to tell him about the Shingles and the GP says will be around a month to get better. He says he will see how I am in a week or two and then hopefully still come down. I think he was feeling a bit sad as she had left yesterday.

Rang her after. She 'wants to see how I am' and also might be coming down. I have told them I want some peace to get better.

They won't be staying here but in a local guesthouse due to be having to set some boundaries in the past.

OP posts:
SonjasSister · 28/03/2016 21:38

Tell them you really don't want visitorswhile you ar unwell, you just want peace and quiet, you much rather see them when you are better. Say, clearly, 'please don't come, I don't want any visitors at all. They are not respecting your boundaries, are they?

Keep saying 'I don't want any visitors, I don't want you to come now'. Don't try to say why, just say 'I don't want you to come now, you will have to come another time.' Flowers for the shingles, poor you.

Original poster
LovelyBath · 28/03/2016 21:57

Thanks, I will try. They don't listen, though. Their own needs of reassurance so see I'm ok and feelings of loneliness seem to guide them more than what I say.

I have texted them after telling them, to reinforce that I just want left in peace to recover.

OP posts:
VegasIsBest · 28/03/2016 22:18

Can you tell them it's infectious?

VoldysGoneMouldy · 28/03/2016 22:24

YADNBU. Shingles is horrible. If they just turn up, refuse to open the door. Genuinely seriously. I had Shingles a few years back and it was horrendous. Flowers

SonjasSister · 28/03/2016 22:31

' Mum, you're not listening to me. I'm not seeing anyone till I'm better, seriously. Not even you. I don't need looking after, I just need peace and quiet. I am not having any visitors so you can't come. '

RockUnit · 28/03/2016 22:36

Tell them they won't be able to visit until you're better. You don't need their permission to postpone their visit.

Original poster
LovelyBath · 28/03/2016 22:42

Thanks. Now husband says I'm 'being mean' to them! Helpful. i think i said it wasn't contagious. It's really difficult as if i don't see them my mum will get more and more anxious, start phoning people like my GP's surgery (has done this in the past) for more updates on my health. Sigh. they say Shingles can be stress related. I get that.

OP posts:
RockUnit · 28/03/2016 22:55

She phones your GP for updates? That's controlling and intrusive! All the more reason for keeping good boundaries. Why should their wish to interfere trump your need for a quiet recovery?

VerySlovenly · 29/03/2016 03:30

Lovelybath, they are making this all about them not you aren't they? You will have to be much more firm. You say there have been boundary issues in the past - clearly there still are!

Original poster
LovelyBath · 29/03/2016 09:53

Sigh. Yes, I know. I know about the GP thing as i was there and noticed on the screen it said Mother phoned to ask about Lovelybath. (and that they couldn't tell her anything due to confidentiality).

I know they have an odd, co-dependant relationship and that seems to involve no boundaries with me, and it is very difficult and tiring constantly enforcing them.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath · 29/03/2016 09:53

PS I'm nearly 40 FGS

OP posts:
VerySlovenly · 29/03/2016 14:07

Well done for standing up to them. Yes it's difficult and tiring, but it would be so much worse if you gave in. It sounds as though you're not allowing them to emotionally blackmail you so well done you. Flowers

MartinaJ · 29/03/2016 14:18

I get that calling the GP. Not my Mum, she's the sanest person in the world even though she worries like any Mum would. My aunt, who's actually a retired school psychologist (and I've been told a very good one even though you'd never say so from all the fuck ups she'd managed in my life when I was a kid, making my Mum's life hell - didn't help that my Dad was a massive moron either).
The said aunt decided that I'm the child she's never had because her dream man (who was supposed to be tall, dark-haired and blue-eyed and called Oliver) had never materialized. She'd wrap me in cotton wool if she could and had always acted like I was an adrenaline junkie when I only as much as looked in the general direction of a playground because what if ..... I was also a sickly child and she'd take me against my Mum's will to all possible doctors and try to get all medical reports (even when I was already 18) so she'd be informed in case I'm dying.
There are now few thousand miles separating us. I breath well and while it's tough not to have any family support at all, I'm glad because she can't mess with my child's life the way she tried to do that with me.

Original poster
LovelyBath · 29/03/2016 16:20

That makes me think, as i have met some therapist / psychologist types who could well need therapy and have issues themselves. I wonder if sometimes people go into these to try to help fix themselves? Gross generalisation probably. They all seem to have and go on about how much 'baggage' they have etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyBath · 29/03/2016 16:22

Latest texts- from my mum Hope you're feeling better today. Me; Need a month with no visitors to recover. Thanks for understanding. Mum; Camomile lotion will help. Dad- No reply. Oh dear.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 29/03/2016 16:29

If they turn up anyway, tell your dh he's to send them away as you're in bed, recovering.

RockUnit · 29/03/2016 17:27

Was it camomile, or Calamine Lotion?

RockUnit · 29/03/2016 17:29

(Just asking because I remember calamine was used when I had chickenpox years ago).

Well done for setting your boundaries. I agree with YouTheCat, with what to do if they turn up unannounced.