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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be mad at my partner?

16 replies

Grapefruit8 · 27/03/2016 21:46

Okay so long story short...
Been with my current partner for around 13 months. In this time we have both fallen hard and fast. Bought a house together. Fell pregnant but had a MMC at 12 weeks. Very upsetting but brought us closer together. Having a nice family easter weekend with all the relatives. My previous partner had got in contact as a family member has sadly passed away. Very unexpected. Obviously I have replied, passed on condolences etc. Current partner sees said text message, storms out of my parents house. I followed him home around ten mins later. He is now fast asleep (too much to drink) whilst I am downstairs making a cuppa, absolutely fuming. He is almost 30 and I am so embarrassed by his behaviour. So AIBU to feel this way or is he the one being unreasonable by storming out of my parents house?

OP posts:

katemiddletonsothermum · 27/03/2016 21:48

whoa, issues - talk to him when he's sober.

Pinkheart5915 · 27/03/2016 21:50

I think your partner was unreasonable to walk out, you say it was only a condolence text for the ex partner family member that's passed away so I don't see a problem.
I never understand why people get so insecure about ex partners, everybody has a past of some kind.

I would expect an apology from your partner when he wakes.

WonderingAspie · 27/03/2016 21:50

I'm not one to use phrases like this often but red flag there.

Unless the messages were flirty etc (and I'm assuming they weren't) then he has no reason to react the way he did.

Is he usually like this or is the alcohol a factor? How did he see the messages?

Pinkheart5915 · 27/03/2016 21:51

I'm curious as to how he saw the messages, does he check your phone?

RaspberryOverload · 27/03/2016 21:52

I'd agree this is a red flag. Totally unreasonable to walk out that way.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/03/2016 21:54

Oh poor you, big red flag. That's a real shame after him seeming so great but I'd take a lot from that, none of it good.

Original poster

Grapefruit8 · 27/03/2016 21:55

He was sat next to me on the sofa and looked over at my phone hence saw the name. Not flirty in the slightest- literally just a quick gosh I'm so sorry to hear this, sending love to all the family etc. If he doesn't apologise in the morning I am going to be furious!

OP posts:

Original poster

Grapefruit8 · 27/03/2016 21:56

Wonderingaspie never usually like this, definitely the alcohol. Too much beer seems to make him stroppy if that makes sense!

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 27/03/2016 22:10

So this isnt an isolated incident. Very worrying

OohMavis · 27/03/2016 22:19

Is your stake in the house secure?

228agreenend · 27/03/2016 22:26

Did he see the text or just the name? If just the name, maybe he thought you and your ex were in regular contact. Maybe he has been hurt like this before. Still a slight overreaction to storm out like that.

AyeAmarok · 27/03/2016 22:31

I would hope he'll be grovelling once he's sober, otherwise you've got problems brewing for the future.

WeAllHaveWings · 27/03/2016 22:46

Do you still keep in regular contact with your ex, and how does you dp feel about that?

If it was totally out of the blue he was maybe surprised you didn't mention it to him when he was sitting right next to you.

Either way his reaction was very immature, does he usually overreact to things?

Birthgeek · 27/03/2016 22:52

"Too much beer makes him stroppy"

"He is now fast asleep (too much to drink)"

"I am so embarrassed by his behaviour"

You've done nothing wrong. The text was fine. The problem is his drinking. Suggest you go along to an Al-anon meeting by yourself.

HeddaGarbled · 27/03/2016 23:08

Whether he apologises in the morning or not, don't be furious, don't forget it.

Take a big step back and think about this relationship.

Sounds like you've made some massive life changing decisions while still in the infatuation stage.

You might need to extricate yourself. Investigate how you can do this while you watch and wait and see whether this is going to be a healthy relationship for you. Not looking good at the moment but if you can explain to him calmly why his behaviour was unacceptable and he agrees and never does it again, there may be hope.

Keep in mind the frog in boiling water analogy. If you plunge a frog into boiling water it will jump out. If you put the frog into cold water and then gently heat it, the frog will accept the gradually increasing discomfort. Don't be that frog.

WonderingAspie · 27/03/2016 23:27

How often does he get drunk then if it's a beer problem? It sounds like it's happened before. I'd be rethinking things if a partner drunk to the point that you know beer makes him stroppy, it sounds as if it's regular.

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