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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask you to confess :/

38 replies

MsMommie · 15/03/2016 10:56

Because I see so many mums here on MN bragging and boasting about what great parents they are, digging away at other mums and pointing fingers, I would like to ask if anyone is brave enough to admit to any of their fuck ups, mistakes, moments of neglect??
Or are we all perfect here?? NC if you like.

OP posts:
Waffles80 · 15/03/2016 10:58

Jeeez. Get a grip.

Original poster
MsMommie · 15/03/2016 11:00

If you don't like my post you can just scroll past it.

OP posts:
PandasRock · 15/03/2016 11:00

What do you expect people to say?

I am far from perfect and have made many a mistake. But details? Nah, don't think I'll bother thanks.

DownstairsMixUp · 15/03/2016 11:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

curren · 15/03/2016 11:01

Mumsnet is full of people asking advice, admitting they fucked up, admitting they got it wrong, at the end of their tether.

Posters who claim to be perfect are few and far between I find.

VoldysGoneMouldy · 15/03/2016 11:02

I don't think any parent believes they're perfect.

Arfarfanarf · 15/03/2016 11:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 15/03/2016 11:03

I'm with curren. I think you're reading a different version of MN. Confused

WizardOfToss · 15/03/2016 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Plomino · 15/03/2016 11:04

Bless . Nice try . If you actually looked further , you'd also see a plethora of mums and others falling over themselves to reassure posters that actually shit happens . That's it's ok to shout , and cry , and make parental fuck ups , and that's it's totally normal . You'd see people taking the piss out of their monumental PFB moments , and their moments of realisation that actually not the whole world behaves the same . But are those posts a little too difficult for you to comprehend , or are they just not fitting the criteria for your article ?

Lweji · 15/03/2016 11:04

I can admit to loads of fuck ups.

I'm still a great mum. Grin

I just don't get most of the angst, I guess. and everybody else is doing it wrong, of course Halo

witsender · 15/03/2016 11:04

I don't see much of what you describe here tbh, you sound pretty cross. I'm not a perfect parent. Not bad, but not perfect....I try at least which is something.

leelu66 · 15/03/2016 11:08

I do think the thread is a bit goady. But there are a few threads where mums have been pounced on. Cafegate anyone? Or the current stepmum one in AIBU.

It's much easier to point the fingers at others than yourself. (Myself included).

Original poster
MsMommie · 15/03/2016 11:08

I'm not cross at all.
I see people posting about their mistakes and then I see plenty of people jumping down their throats trying to make them feel even more shit about themselves.
It was just a question based on my observation.
It's ok though, a couple of the replies here already say it all.

OP posts:
AdrenalineFudge · 15/03/2016 11:09

I've not seen a bragging post. If anything most threads are about parents feeling inadequate or that they fucked up and asking for advice. I'd urge posters not to respond to this with personal stories just so you can get a kick out of their failings.

Ludwsys · 15/03/2016 11:10

I just don't see MN like you do, the place is full of average parents, which makes them pretty bloody great in my eyes. Who would want a perfect patent to live up to?

Everyone admits mistakes, asks for advice and do what they can to bolster confidence in others.

Deliberate neglect it frowned upon, is that what you're referring to. Someone expressed shock and you've taken it as they love themselves.

I think I'm pretty fabulous in some areas, very few, but they're there. I pretty crap in other areas and I'm working on those. The stuff in the middle, meh, I'm doing my best.

Original poster
MsMommie · 15/03/2016 11:13

DownstairsMixUp

I am guilty of he Talc/Sudocrem thing too... Hmm
Why do they always head for those!

Once I was cleaning paintbrushes and my then 18month old grabbed a bottle of white spirit I didn't close and drank it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsMommie · 15/03/2016 11:14

'Get a kick out of their failings'
Seriously???
I am a mother who regularly struggles to keep her shit together, not someone who tells other parents their shit to make myself feel better.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/03/2016 11:18

I'm not a perfect parent. Ive never professed to be.
Don't believe everything you hear or read. Anyone can paint a pretty picture on line or on FB.

alltouchedout · 15/03/2016 11:18

It would take me hours to list all my fuck ups and failings as a parent.
The worst is probably that ds3 burnt his finger on straighteners aged 10 months. I was so distraught that I was advising the A&E staff to refer me to children's services and telling them that I was cleqrly a terrible mother. The more they were nice to me, the more I wanted to be punished :(

SagaNorensLeatherTrousers · 15/03/2016 11:20

I think it depends on the thread, and, of course, where it is posted. Most threads in AIBU end up with shitty replies, but it's known for this. (Not saying I agree with that, btw!) But if someone posted in "parenting" for example, they'd probably get friendlier responses. But I mean, it's a chat forum with a lot of different opinions on things. I think there's a good mix of people disagreeing as well as people taking the piss out of themselves and their failings as parents. I guess I took your OP to suggest you see nothing but parents bragging about how perfect they are, which confused me.

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 15/03/2016 11:27

I'm not a perfect parent. I've made many mistakes over the years with the older 3 DC and will again with DC 4.
The one thing I can say is that the older DC thought I did a good job and that's all that matters despite everything.

WorraLiberty · 15/03/2016 11:28

I don't think I've ever seen anyone making out they're a perfect parent.

What I have seen are parents pointing out to someone that what they're doing, is either (in their opinion) wrong for whatever reason (depending on thread subject), against certain guidelines or just different to their way of doing things.

What I've then also seen is that person being 'accused' of being a perfect parent, because the OP of the thread has got the hump at their reply.

However, get the 'accused' on another thread, talking about a different parenting subject and you'll often find you think their way of doing something else, is 'wrong' in your own opinion.

So it all evens out in the end.

Occasionally you'll also get a thread where an OP will say "Am I a shit parent"...and then go on to post something really quite shitty, and other parents will come along to say it's ok because they've done something even shittier in the past.

A bit like competitive shitting if you will Grin

AnotherEffingOrangeRevel · 15/03/2016 11:29

You've got to go first then, OP... Grin

Personally, I don't know where to start. Are we talking those awful 3am "I've totally fucked them up" moments when I doubt ever having done anything right? Or when I send them to school in odd socks?

I agree that people rarely state on here (or, presumably, think) that they're perfect parents. But I do think the OP has a point in that some of the criticism parents can show each other here implies a lack of understanding for the scope of the fuck-ups we all make. We can understand the specific ones we've made, but show far less compassion for the ones we consider ourselves immune from.

DurhamDurham · 15/03/2016 11:41

I'm sometimes amazed my two survived infancy at all.

Happy to report they are happy, healthy, well adjusted young adults now.