To be annoyed with my friend?

[mintmacaroon]

I moved house and couple of months ago and now live a 2 minute walk away from my 'best' friend. I'm a single mum to my dd and she lives with her partner. I've invited her round so many times since I moved here to come and see the new house and of course me and dd however she's always had something better to do and made her excuses. Fine, I'm not too bothered. But what does bother me is that as soon as her partner tells her he's going out on a 'lads night out' she instantly comes to me and asks me to go to hers. I know for a fact that this is because she's been wrapped in cotton wool all her life and is scared of being home alone and gets jealous wondering what her partners up to. So she's asked me to go round on Friday night because he's going out.

AIBU to be pissed off that I'm essentially being used because she's had no other offers?

Seems very one sided, why don't you say, we'll come to mine, and leave it at that!

Yep tell her you can't come over but she's welcome to come to yours if she wants.

Does she expect you to bring your child with your or just leave it in the house sleeping to hold her hand because she's unhappy? Ridiculous.

You having a dd surely means the perfect excuse? "No sitter so I cant come but you are welcome here!"

How often did you see her previously, and was the friendship "balanced" and reciprocal then? Does she have DC?

It was reciprocal before she met her current partner. She doesn't have any dcs with him yet. I don't know how to tell her how I feel without starting an argument, she takes offense at the slightest thing so I know it won't go down well.

Sounds like she's wrapped up in her partner and only has time for you if he's not there. It's probably more noticeable now you're closer by. I'd back off and wait to see how long it takes for her to get in touch.

she has no DC, so then she can easily visit you, if friday is convenient: if not, then obviously just decline.

Sounds like she feels pretty insecure in her current relationship, not that this excuses her behaviour!

If she takes offence so easily, do you really still want her as a friend?

Why say anything to her?

Just understand that this the current limitation on your friendship. Enjoy what is good and leave the rest.

How well do you know her partner, and do you see him when you are at your friend's place? Can't help wondering whether he is being abusive/controlling and won't let her go out to see her friends any more, and that she is only able to see you if you go to hers when he is out.

Whenever I go round to her house he shoots off upstairs without even acknowledging me. I've only ever spoke to him when he's been drunk! I do worry that he might be controlling her and mentally abusing her. She's so in love with him though I don't think she'd ever be able to see it for herself.

Why do you worry about him doing that?

If she is indeed in an unhealthy or even abusive relationship, it'd be kind to cut her some slack, and see and help her if you can, whilst considering your own needs and wishes too, eg declining invitations that are a hassle for you (and your DC).