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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to tell my dad his will upsets me

309 replies

Scootering · 12/03/2016 13:54

My dad married my step mum 20 years ago. He sent me a copy of his will recently and in it, he doesn't mention me or my siblings. Everything goes to my step mum. She has one daughter and I guess it will all go to her eventually.

He has recently come into a large sum of money and his estate will be over 1 million. I have a tiny house with a massive mortgage: retirement etc is never going to be an option for me.

I'm remarried with a step family, but my will reserves a share of my estate for my children.

AIBU to want to tell my dad that his will upset me? Or should I just accept it?

OP posts:
JanetOfTheApes · 12/03/2016 13:55

He knows it upsets you. I presume that was his intention when he sent you a copy of his will that you aren't in, what other reaction could he possibly expect?
Is he always such a cock?

Gizlotsmum · 12/03/2016 13:57

How is your relationship with your dad?

MillionToOneChances · 12/03/2016 13:58

I might ask him why he felt the need to send this to you? He can will his estate to whomever he wishes, but the fact he chose to simply send you a copy of a will that doesn't include you suggests that the thought of you getting hurt when he dies isn't enough, he wants the satisfaction now. Horrid.

My parents have both been remarried about that long and both have made provision for us.

Flowers
Dellarobia · 12/03/2016 13:58

If you have a good relationship with your Dad then I would bring it up, while making it clear that you know it's his decision. Is it possible that he believes your SM will leave some of it to you in her will?

Original poster
Scootering · 12/03/2016 13:58

My relationship with him is close. But he can't be very thoughtless and insensitive.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scootering · 12/03/2016 13:58

*can

OP posts:
TrinityForce · 12/03/2016 13:58

Why did he send you a copy of his will that you aren't in?

0phelia · 12/03/2016 13:59

He sounds as though he is trying to upset you. Sorry. That's a huge thing to do to your own biological children.

GabiSolis · 12/03/2016 13:59

Yes I imagine there is a backstory to this? Has there been a conversation alluding to the arrangements in the will before? Or could it be your SM who has engineered this?

Caprinihahahaha · 12/03/2016 13:59

What reason did he have to send it to you if you are not involved in his estate?
Presumeably he wants to upset you.
My FIL did the same thing. Ironically, a decade later, we are much much wealthier than him. I'm glad we never responded at all. It has just been left hanging there for a decade - making him look like a wanker.
Not asking him prevented the criticism he wanted to express (whatever that was) and means he now can't justify it.

0phelia · 12/03/2016 14:00

I did wonder perhaps your stepmum may have engineered this, too. But that's a huge assumption.

Arfarfanarf · 12/03/2016 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JanetOfTheApes · 12/03/2016 14:02

He's cut you out of his will, and TOLD you without any explanation. That is not thoughtless, that was done on purpose. How close can you be?

fishfacedcow · 12/03/2016 14:02

maybe hes telling you so that you can object in front of the stepmum?

Original poster
Scootering · 12/03/2016 14:02

SM has certainly been very mean towards us. Eg referring to her grandchildren as the 'real' grandchildren etc. in front of me. I'm sure she will be very happy with the current arrangement.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 12/03/2016 14:04

Can't you contest a Will in those circumstances?

GabiSolis · 12/03/2016 14:04

I think I would have to say something. Arf's phrasing is good.

MattDillonsPants · 12/03/2016 14:04

Could you tackle him about this? See him alone?

spnfan · 12/03/2016 14:05

Do they have mirror wills? That's what FIL had that when he died it all went to SMIL and if SMIL died it all went to FIL.

this is fine if you have moral step parents. FIL passed suddenly and SMIL is a nob so when she dies I imagine FIL's children will be left with nothing whilst SMIL's children will have 4 properties to divide between them.

I'd Speak to him and ask what his intention was by sending you a copy of the will and if he has realised that he has just passed it all down to his step children and sidelined his own.

Original poster
Scootering · 12/03/2016 14:06

Thank you for your posts... I'm worried that mentioning it might upset him... But I don't know why he's told me this now. He is always telephoning me for emotional support etc. I suspect he will say that my step mum would be upset if he changed it.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 12/03/2016 14:07

This has happened to a friend of mine and his brother. It was most definitely engineered by his SM.

For those that want to know how I know, I was there when she told them.

kaitlinktm · 12/03/2016 14:07

What a mean thing to do! I would certainly make your feelings known - I also like Arf's wording.

bakingaddict · 12/03/2016 14:07

Just say that you are saddened that he has failed to acknowledge any of his biological family but if it's his wish then you respect that. It isn't about money it's about being formally and officially acknowledged as family members. Afterwards distance yourself from him if he's playing games

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 12/03/2016 14:07

You have to mention it to him- the fact that you are emotionally hurt, rather than wanting money. That's outrageous.

JanetOfTheApes · 12/03/2016 14:09

I wouldn't worry about upsetting him, he clearly doesn't mind upsetting you.

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