To want to tell my dad his will upsets me

[Scootering]

My dad married my step mum 20 years ago. He sent me a copy of his will recently and in it, he doesn't mention me or my siblings. Everything goes to my step mum. She has one daughter and I guess it will all go to her eventually.

He has recently come into a large sum of money and his estate will be over 1 million. I have a tiny house with a massive mortgage: retirement etc is never going to be an option for me.

I'm remarried with a step family, but my will reserves a share of my estate for my children.

AIBU to want to tell my dad that his will upset me? Or should I just accept it?

[RubbleBubble00]

I thin though that if they die together they will go by his wife's will as he will be presumed to have died first

[RubbleBubble00]

I'd be replying that if he wants the kids left something then he needs to out it in his will as mil could remarry or be too grief stricken to deal with the he financial side should God forbid he does.

[ScarlettSahara]

Aagh I am a rubbish typer. Just spent ages typing another post and lost it!

Anyway thread has moved on. Sorry about what happened to you Julius. History has repeated itself in my family & I have seen the hurt it caused as well as experiencing it to a lesser degree myself. Yes I feel it is most definitely about feeling acknowledged and also being left something with cherished memories and not a grabby sense of entitlement to sit on the sofa all day watching daytime tv, being fed peeled grapes Thornton's Chocs, never to go out to work again!
Julius you would do the kind and decent thing but OP's SM has prepared the ground to alienate OP's family by the unchallenged use of the term "real" GC. Some people may have the intention of taking the honourable course of action but have pressure put on them by other individuals.
Agree with Pengy that if you do wish to take care of/ acknowledge friends/ family/ particular charity after your death then nothing can be left to chance.

[ScarlettSahara]

MummyBex I don't think you are getting it. Yes very admirable to work hard in a difficult job as I am sure a lot of us do. Yes I agree it would be foolish to assume an inheritance is coming your way and not bother with the day job.
This situation feels more like the OP's DF being manipulated - who as a step-parent would refer to their own children as the "real" GC?
I can understand the OP feeling pushed out especially when inheritance not only from her DF but her DM appears to be winging its way to her SM's children.
It would take a saint not to find that a little galling surely? She just wants a little acknowledgement for her family and it is not hard to do.

[Shesaid]

He's showing you this because she has made him do it and he WANTS you to object. I'm afraid he is not strong enough to stand up to her and he's hoping you are stronger and will show him how to.

If he is always asking you for emotional support, now is the time to give it to him. Just call him and ask him if she put him up to it as you both know it's not OK to cut you out. He will say he knows that too and then you can discuss together how he should stand up to his wife without causing too much destruction

[letshaveacupoftea]

Could it be that he has been manipulated into making this by SM and he is unhappy about it? You say that he phones you for emotional support which makes me wonder if he has found it hard to be assertive about this issue with SM. Maybe his reason for sending it to you is simply to get your emotional support in order to be assertive with her over this. Instead of your approach being "Dad this hurts me", it could be one of sympathy for him - "Dad, is this what you wanted? Are you happy with this?"

What would happen if SM dies before him? Would any of the remaining estate go to SM's daughter? If she would not receive anything, then perhaps he can use the worry of that possibility to discuss a change in the will with SM, to make sure there is fair provision for all of you.

[Cookie19]

You seem to be very concerned about upsetting your dad, but don't you think he should have thought about upsetting you by sending you his will, which you've been left out of? I really don't understand what his reasoning would be for that. But you seem to not want to upset him, which is your decision to make, so perhaps ignore it then and if his wife is behind it, she at least won't have the satisfaction of getting a reaction from you. Personally I couldn't bite my tongue though and would have to ask him why he'd sent it.

[Scarriff]

My guess is that he wants you to intervene but cant say so for some reason. Doesnt want to upset his second wife and trusts you to find a way through. Suggest that he leaves half to his first family 'because of the grandchildren and half to his second family 'because of the grandchildren' Once that division is established your stepmother can have all of her share and yours can be divided between you and your children. Need a good firm executor.

[SeaRabbit]

TLDR so sorry if repeating, but he would do best to leave SM assets in a trust from which she gets the income (& capital if she really needs it -it's possible to have a suitabnle trust with no IHT charge) - with balance after her death to all kids - then it will be clear that the assets are split as he would want after her death.