Swearing at school? what do you do?

[spudpudding]

picked up DS 9 last night and his friends from cubs - talk turns to swearing and a particular child at school who is using 4 letter words. One of them tells me this kid told a group of them to F*k off in the playground at lunch, then DS says the same kid said to him last week, and I quote 'you are a piece of sht'. Really not happy about this (understatement) but what do other people do? its parents evening this week but don't want to waste 10 mins talking about someone elses potty mouthed child! what would you do - catch teacher at home time or ring school to speak to head? how do other people handle this sort of thing?? advice please! This boy has got previous on this sort of thing but this really bothered me.

I don't think we can control other people's children and their potty mouths, only our own. I would simply have a conversation about how inappropriate that language is, and that I didn't want to hear them use it. "Swearing is lazy, there are lots of awesome words you can use to express your thoughts" used to be something my mother would tell me. Funny tho, none of them quite feel as good as the F word when you're feeling vexed tho do they?! Your child will hear swearing most of their life growing up... Not much you, I or anyone else can do really except not add more profanity to their lives.

I would have a conversation with my kids about swearing, about how it's not appropriate for children to swear, and that even as adults we must learn when and where it is appropriate. I wouldn't bother talking to school as I'm not sure what they can do.

Swearing at school doesn't bother me except when it's used the context of being verbally abusive at someone. Using the words fuck or shit in frustration I couldn't get worked up about. Worse things are overheard in queues for the bus. Telling someone to fuck off is different. I would focus on the abuse rather than the swearing. The only words I would really bother to speak to the school about would be racist, homophobic or disablist. Otherwise just emphasise to your child that in your family you don't use those words.

I talk about swearing quite a lot with DS at the moment, we have a sliding scale of severity and he thinks it's hilarious. "So it's worse than shit but not as bad as fuck", etc. If I hear him say a swear word for the first time we discuss what it really means, when and why people tend to use it and most importantly when you shouldn't use it.

Swearing at other people - not on, could be classed as bullying if it's persistent.

Swearing in front on people - not so bad.

When I worked in a school we had to log all incidents of swearing. Though I don't actually know what was done - we wrote it in a book that senior management rarely looked at!

I would have a word with the teacher after school because if he's telling them to F Off and calling them shit then that's being berbally abusive and needs stopping.

I am possibly over reacting, think just hearing swearing is kind of acceptable and you are right - I would expect them to be aware of it at this age, just bothered me that this is directed at people, have spoken to DS about swearing and words we don't use etc, think this just upset me as don't want anyone to be told that they are a piece of s, as that's not nice especially if it's my child.

Not sure the child in question really understands the words he is using, as calling people gay and n**gers when they aren't gay and black, so already had a chat about this and the school have dealt with these. Think I will mention it to teacher, just don't want her to think I am a whinger!!

Swearing at him is not acceptable. General swearing isn't something you can do anything about, and tbh I wouldn't stress about; he's going to hear it. So you just explain that he's not allowed to use those words, that they're not very polite, and normally words that grown ups use if something goes wrong.

I would speak to the school if it's being directed at him though.

Cross post - that's completely different. If he's also using racist and homophobic language, there's a big issue there.

thanks for your support, just checking on right track. Sometimes I think is it just me or is this not right! One of them said to me that if you tell a teacher and they get into trouble, they are really funny with you and call you a snitch. I explained that you should always tell someone to try and sort it out, don't put up with people not being kind. Will def use the it's being directed at someone thing - thanks. The Joys of parenting!!

Oh yes, and I've been drumming it into my boys that you shouldn't swear at people, that's really not nice.
It's a minefield isn't it? We also have discussions about the different levels of swearing, which is quite hard as I'm not even sure what counts anymore. I wasn't allowed to say damn when I was a child, let alone bloody or oh my god... but I'm pretty sure all of them are ok now, just not in front of my mum!

Also, about the snitching thing. My boys have told me the same thing, that telling on fellow classmates is very much frowned upon. One of the boys in their class regularly tells though and is now finding that he has no friends, so I think you need to be careful what you're setting them up for by telling them to tell a teacher.

I would use it as an opportunity to talk to my kids about swearing and what is/is not acceptable and where.

Generally, I don't swear in front of my kids but I know they hear it - just walking down the street. I know they'll use it too.

I've told they're not to use that language at home, in front of family, younger children, the elderly (in public) and we were basically left with...the playground! That said, I doubt they used it to be offensive or insulting but more likely to show off or in frustration.