To think this is unfair?

[Syruppancakes]

I have a good friend, she was my bridesmaid - I wasn't hers. She tells me I am one of her best friends but it's doubtful tbh.

Anyway she moved away and we arranged in Jan to see each other late March.

She messaged today and said its now her bil 50th and she can't see me now.

Made me laugh really- that's not normal, decent behaviour is it? Surely her bil 50th was always end of March?

I don't know, think it's time to move on with the friendship!

Surely her bil 50th was always end of March?

Perhaps the celebration was only arranged recently?

Well yes but surely you pre empt stuff?!

I'd just wait for her to set up a new date. If she doesn't, you've got your answer.

My birthday is the beginning of the month, but this year we're celebrating it nearer the end of the month. It's just how our diaries have worked out. She might well not have known until now that it would be held then. Sounds like you've not forgiven her over the bridesmaid thing though.

Maybe they are throwing him a party/big family meal that she wasn't aware of

I would say a 50th does trump a casual get together. Presumably she didn't know the exact party date when you arranged. But she should have said 'would it be ok if we rearranged cos of 50th' rather than just presuming.

I agree with mango sounds like the bridesmaid issue is raising its head.

There could be loads of legitimate reasons that she didn't know bils plans would clash.

Well yes but surely you pre empt stuff?!

How, if the celebration hadn't been arranged back in January?

YABU. The last three fiftieth parties I went to were not on, or even particularly near, the actual birthday. Including my own!

Although it is rude to cancel a prior arrangement in favour of a newer arrangement, I think that a big, significant, family party is important.

The BIL's party might not be on the actual date of his birthday? I imagine she had no idea, when you made your arrangement in January, that his party was going to be on the same day of your meet-up

Not only I would let it go, I wouldn't get too het-up about it either.

Try to arrange another date.

Tbh if it were me "I can no longer meet you on X date..." would be followed by a suggestion of an alternate date. If it were someone with whom I definitely wanted to meet. So I agree with PP, see if she at least suggests another meet up now at some point.

Also, I imagine "I can't go to Bill's 50th! Are you mad? I'm meeting Syruppancake for coffee" would go down like a lead balloon.

I think this is a bit 'straw that broke the camels back'. As much as I always try to prioritise prior plans, if I was invited to a family member's significant birthday celebrations I'd probably feel obliged to postpone a casual pre-arranged meet-up too, and it's unlikely she would have known the exact date of BIL's birthday celebrations back in January. I think this is more about you feeling in general that your friendship doesn't mean that much to her. I would back off and let her make the effort to organise something else as an alternative. If she doesn't bother then you are probably right about her not valuing the friendship that much and I'd just not bother so much with her in future.