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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect DH to clear out his stuff too?

34 replies

purplepopple · 03/03/2016 11:56

We are having a clear out, old clothes, books, dvds, cds etc. I've managed to fill a large box with stuff I won't use again, we rarely watch DVDs now, don't have a cd player any more and we just read our kindles. Our house is small and cramped so I suggested to dh we get a box together for the charity shop, he has enthusiastically helped with my stuff (which it has to go so isn't a problem) but when it comes to his own stuff he is less enthusiastic, I have managed to persuade him to part with some DVDs, he has 4 shelves of books and none of these can go apparently.
AIBU to think his stuff should go too and any ideas of what I can do to persuade him to part with them?

OP posts:
blueturtle6 · 03/03/2016 11:58

Shamelessly place marking as have the same problem. Managed to do it with clothes by "losing" them

QuiteLikely5 · 03/03/2016 12:02

I don't ask! I clear it all out myself.......so far it hasn't came back to bite me because he never notices what I've got rid of.........because he wasn't using it or needing it anymore!!

Added to the fact his memory isn't what it was Smile

RB68 · 03/03/2016 12:03

yup same here we have shelves of his books now and ermm one of mine - he finds it hard to let them go even though generally he remembers them word for flipping word

gleam · 03/03/2016 12:03

Did he actually agree to a clear out?

BloodyPlantagenets · 03/03/2016 12:05

I would divorce my husband if he 'cleared out' my books and DVDs. They are precious to me. Luckily he feels the same about his so this wouldn't be a problem.

Maroonie · 03/03/2016 12:06

Can you allocate the space equally?
Then you can each keep what you want but you clearing out doesnt give him extra space?

xenapants · 03/03/2016 12:06

Sounds like you've just arbitrarily decided he needs to give away his stuff. Does he get a say in this? YABVU.

Kuriusoranj · 03/03/2016 12:11

I'm him in my relationship - stuff (memories, not valuables) means much more to me than it does to my husband. Consequently, I admit I'm not unbiased.

That said, I do think you're being a bit U. You're happy to get rid of your stuff, he's apparently not. Unless he's reached hoarding levels, why should there be equality in this? Clearly you're more comfortable getting rid of stuff than he is and I think that should be respected. And to the PPs who suggested disposing of his stuff behind his back - I'd be furious! I'm not a child, you don't get to decide what I do with my stuff in our shared space.

Bejeena · 03/03/2016 12:14

4 shelves of books is not too bad for someone who reads a lot. 4 shelves in every room of the house is a different matter though.it is his house too

Lancelottie · 03/03/2016 12:15

Nope, no help here. You can get rid of my clothes but not my books. Geroff.

And four shelves of books? Only four? Good grief woman. Get some more shelves up now.

redexpat · 03/03/2016 12:16

He has a Kindle you say? Download Marie Kondo the life changing magic of tidying. Then let the magic happen. Smile

Original poster
purplepopple · 03/03/2016 12:16

It was a joint decision to have the clear out, I didn't just decide to start chucking stuff!

These are things we don't use any more and we just don't have the space!

OP posts:
Valentine2 · 03/03/2016 12:27

I scheme against DH in this. I tell him innocently that I was thinking we should probably do a clear out etc. And he agrees but I know he won't part with the rubbishy easily. So after mentioning a couple times casually, I do it all myself in his absence.it takes him ages to figure out what's gone this way. Which kind of deflates his anger iyswim? But in any case it makes my life much easier. I have no guilt about it ever. And he keeps forgetting what I did previously. We did have a massive clean out around a year ago after five years.

BarbaraofSeville · 03/03/2016 12:29

4 shelves of books is a lot for someone who has a kindle so will probably never touch them again. Books are just dusty clutter - the ereader is the invention of the 21st Century for me.

I feel your pain OP. We have the same problem with wires and chargers and real shit like that. They are all boxed up in cupboards and I know they will never get touched.

redskytonight · 03/03/2016 12:33

I think it depends how you view stuff. All my books are favourites or special to me in some way and I reread over and over.

DH on the other hand reads a book once and then never looks at it again. It makes no sense for him to keep books. On the other hand he has boxes and boxes of old computer equipment that might come in handy one day.

Books are evidently not as important to you as your DH, but I bet there's something else that you're not as willing to clear out ...

wotoodoo · 03/03/2016 12:34

Just get his box, (bags might be easier to carry) pile his stuff in it yourself, put in garage or shed. If he hasn't noticed after a month, take to charity shop Grin

Lancelottie · 03/03/2016 14:00

I love my Kindle, but it's not the same as re-reading the slightly yellowed copy of a book you've had for decades years, where the cover and the font and the pattern of the text and even the page turns and typos are like childhood friends (and equally battered and wrinkly by now...)

Plus, I gather it's a mistake to read your Kindle in the bath -- isn't it, DD?

Lancelottie · 03/03/2016 14:02

Good grief. If anyone hid my books and decided that if I hadn't read them for a month they could charity shop them, I might have to smother them in a pile of old dust jackets.

Books old, beloved, familiar books are not junk.

wannabestressfree · 03/03/2016 14:04

I would get rid of someone before my books went. They are my most precious belongings.....

Original poster
purplepopple · 03/03/2016 15:07

Thank you for all your thoughts. We have compromised, the books are staying, but he will pack them in a box to store in the attic... I suspect I could get rid of the box and he would never know (as honestly he doesn't read them!) but he has that covered as I don't do going up to the attic!

OP posts:
WizzardHat · 03/03/2016 15:59

Glad you've found a compromise - I was going to say you're getting away light if he only has four shelves. I have four huge bookcases, all filled and one is double stacked even. And that's after I had a massive clear out! I live alone though, so it's not like my bookcases are cutting into anyone else's space. Well done on the decluttering though.

TheFridgePickersKnickers · 03/03/2016 16:08

I do it 8n stages with dh things (he is a massive hoarder).

I Bix things up and pop into the left for 12/18 months. It's rarely asked about ever again. At some point it goes to charity or I sell it and put the cash in our holiday fund.

OOAOML · 03/03/2016 16:09

I have a kindle, but I still have and buy some books. And the books on the shelf might not be books available on Kindle.

I am a bit shocked at the people throwing their partner's stuff out behind their backs. My husband and I have been decluttering, and I think I've got rid of quite a lot more than him, but I wouldn't throw his stuff out. And I would be furious if he threw my stuff out.

BillBrysonsBeard · 03/03/2016 16:37

I would never throw DPs stuff out without him knowing, imagine if it was the other way around... I remember a woman on here saying her husband had taken a bag of her clothes to the charity shop and people wanted his head on a spike! Grin
Good compromise OP! Attic = out of sight, out of mind. Praise the good storage lord for the creation of attics!

Xmasbaby11 · 03/03/2016 16:44

I wouldn't throw dh's stuff away and vice versa. I don't think 4 shelves of books is a lot. I'd say I have at least 5 shelves and a kindle. But space isn't an issue for us so you'll have to convince him it's worth getting rid of some of his things.

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