AIBU or is DP about DS?

[TrueBlu]

DP and I live together. I have 3 DC 10, 7 and 5.

The children were eating bread at the table this eve and DP and I were talking to them.

My 5 yr old DS grabbed at my 10 yr old'd bread, he was being silly and annoying. DP roared at him not to touch other people's food and everyone went silent, my DS looked like he was about to cry.

I would have told him off, but not frightened him.

Was DP ur?

We all snap at times. Just ask dp if he can reduce volume next time

I take it from your op they are not his children? How long have you been together?

Maybe he just had enough like all parents do. Your ds was being naughty, you could have said something.

DCs often get tearful when told off by someone who they're not familiar with as a figure of authority. I don't mean that they're not familiar with HIM but just him in a parental role. I've been with my dp for 3 years and my ds still gets a bit tearful if dp says anything vague negative to him. Same with DP's DD if I dare to tell her off for anything (very rare!)

When you're sharing a home, whether full time or part time, it's important that the adults are allowed to discipline children regardless of whose they are biologically, as long as it's not disproportionate. I will get annoyed about things dp wouldn't notice so I will tell his DCs to pick up stuff or put it away etc. when he would let it go. He will tell mine to stop bickering or being rude when I am past caring! Sometimes it seems a bit unjust (he will often get offended if I dare to step in when he's ineffectively 'dealing with it' but if it wasn't already in hand he'd be fine with me sorting it out instead of him).

I'm a childminder so I have to be able to discipline DCs who aren't mine, even if their parents are standing there while the little darlings are messing about instead of getting their shoes on so as far as I'm concerned if I'm the only adult willing to step in, I will.

People snap sometimes, shout when they don't mean to

Did he say sorry? He should have apologised for shouting like that imo.

What's he like with the kids in general?

It depends on what your dp's like normally and how much your ds had been acting up today while your dp has been there.

All parents over react sometimes and if your dp is living with you then he has to be able to discipline your dcs, although he did over react in this instance. I properly lost it at my Ds1 yesterday morning and shouted so loud I scared my other dcs, he'd been messing about all morning instead of getting ready for school and by this time we were late in leaving because he wouldn't stop meeting and brush his teeth, I lost it and shouted at him to stop messing and brush his teeth. I over reacted and apologised later and explained why I lost it.

If this is a one off or very rare reaction from your dp to relatively minor, but very annoying, misbehaviour from your ds then leave it. If he does this often then you need to have a serious discussion and tell him it's not on to regularly speak to your dcs that way.

Frightening children is never a good idea.

As a one off I don't think it's a big deal.
Touching someone's food is taboo - adults don't do it - and children have to learn it.
A bit heavy-handed maybe, but I bet they won't do it again.

Thanks all, he came into the bathroom last night and told me he'd apologised to DS.

It was heavy handed but he was stressed and did apologise. It's the first time it's happened in 2 years.

Then I'd leave it at that. Everyone has their moments.

First time in 2 years? He's apologised so I think that's the end of it really.

I've certainly over reacted to my children on occasion but a) I apologise immediately for my behaviour and b) try not to do it again.

Then leave it. He snapped, he apologised, so move on. Everyone snaps at their kids occasionally.