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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated by this party?

20 replies

SharingMichelle · 29/02/2016 09:57

We live in an area with a fairly high turnover of families. People come and go all the time. Children join the school and leave.

I have a friend who, every year, throws a party for her boys (twins in the same year) and invites all the children who have been in the school together since reception.

My daughter isn't invited because we didn't arrive until a year after reception. I am mildly sour grapes about it. I'm not exactly sure why it irks me because I'm honestly not bothered when my children aren't invited to parties. You can't go to everything, and we certainly don't invite everyone we know to everything.

But... I don't know, something about it just seems a bit mean spirited to me. Am I totally out of my tree?

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 29/02/2016 10:03

No you're not out of your tree. That's a very mean trick to play. Inviting a whole class and leaving one child out. It's exclusion and bullying.

Samcro · 29/02/2016 10:04

how old are they?

AliceInUnderpants · 29/02/2016 10:06

That's a very mean trick to play. Inviting a whole class and leaving one child out.

Where did OP say her DC is the only one excluded? I got the impression there's probably few people who've been there since day 1.

CreamofTartar · 29/02/2016 10:09

By the sound of it, the OP's child is one of many not invited to the party. It seems a bit arbitrary to invite only those who were in reception with the boys - surely they play with people who came to the school later?

DoorbellsSleighbellsSchnitzel · 29/02/2016 10:11

So, in theory, the birthday children could be inviting a child that they're not particularly bothered about, simply because they've been at school together since 'the beginning' but leaving out a 'new' child that they may have made friends with because they're 'new' (and therefore may already be feeling a bit left out)? Sounds a bit bonkers and quite frankly, shitty to me.

araiba · 29/02/2016 10:12

That's a very mean trick to play. Inviting a whole class and leaving one child out. It's exclusion and bullying.

what an overreaction to something you didn't even bother to read

GreenFishYellowFish · 29/02/2016 10:13

The mum is probably a cliquey type who only chats to other mums she has known for 200 years and won't engage with 'newcomers'

CooPie10 · 29/02/2016 10:16

Ilive did you even read the op properly or just automatically jumped to overreact.

Where did the op say the children are even in the same class let alone being the only one left out?Hmm

Millymollymoo8 · 29/02/2016 10:35

She is not your friend! Mean thing to do imho.

Don't invite her children, it might make her think.

Katarzyna79 · 29/02/2016 10:42

here I was thinking parties were for best friends only not the whole bloody class, I don't understand this new trend pushed by parents not kids. They will always say oh johnnie really wants a party and wants to invite all the class, including the teacher and the class ferret, yeah right!

OP you say you're not bothered stay that way it's not worth getting into a pickle over.

Original poster
SharingMichelle · 29/02/2016 10:52

Just to clarify - no, dd isn't the only one not invited! And it's not a birthday party either. It's just a celebration for the children who have been in the school the longest.

Greenfish - haha, yes, definite cliquiness about long timers vs 'newcomers'.

Doorbells, exactly. Some of the boys good friends don't go... but kids who they never play with do, because the criteria for an invitation has nothing to do with the boys friends.

It's all about the mum and her celebration of... I dunno, living here longer than most people?

Katar - you are completely right. I shouldn't be in a pickle. Can't help but feel irritated though. I need to wind my neck in I think!

OP posts:
WhoisLucasHood · 29/02/2016 10:55

Yes it seems very odd but perhaps she's not that involved with the kids at school. We were given the class names for the kids in reception, perhaps she's just writing the invitation according to something like this? Oblivious that kids have left and new ones have joined.
Straw clutching here as I cannot fathom a normal reason for doing this.

WhoisLucasHood · 29/02/2016 10:57

Oh cross post. It's a party for the original class. Yes very stupid.

Razorlightnight · 29/02/2016 10:58

Throw your own party at the same time for everyone not invited?

WonderingAspie · 29/02/2016 11:52

Maybe you could have a celebration for all the children who haven't been there since day one. Wink

What a wanky thing to do (the other mum). Who even throws a party for a non event like this anyway. Children are always coming and going. DS's class has settled down now but all through the infants, there were various comings and goings in his class. It's not something to celebrate or even think about on a day to day basis.

MrsJayy · 29/02/2016 12:39

It just sounds cliquey and meh would you want your child going anyway .

Original poster
SharingMichelle · 29/02/2016 14:47

I'm so glad it's not just me. I've always felt mildly narked by it, every year.

It seems so exclusive, and not at all in the spirit of making new friends.

Well now I've been validated I shall forget all about it until next year.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 29/02/2016 15:58

There was a little group when eldest was in Primary the mum s had been to baby groups but the kids monumentally fell out in Primary 7 it was all very awkward for the nuns they had booked a limo for the leavera party none of the kids spoke to each other and the mum's were frosty being exclusive like that can not be good for the kids

BlueJug · 29/02/2016 17:22

Why is this a problem.? We all have parties and invite who we want. I have a parties for my ex uni friends, different parties at work for those of us who joined when we were based in X building etc. I don't invite the whole offie to everything or all my friends to everything.

At our primary there were parties for the kids who went to the same nursery together, parties for kids in one class not another and parties for the football team. Birthday parties were rarely for the whole class - too expensive. You picked who you wanted.

Why should you be invited? If you have a party do you invite your DD's friends or everyone - to everything?? I don't get it. She isn't excluding your child. (That would be Unreasonable)

If you want a party for everyone - hold one

EduCated · 29/02/2016 17:38

That is a bit bizarre - one thing if it happens to be all the kids who've been there from the start, but not inviting good friends simply because they don't fit the criteria is, frankly, odd.

What does she say when she invites people/talks about it? How does she describe it?!

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