to sling a wet octopus over DP's snoring face?

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

It's not his fault, he has a cold. He's not doing it on purpose.

But I have shit to do today and a teeny bit of sleep would've been sooooo lovely yet I have a great big snoring man inches from my ear....

Git.

I feel your pain. I have been up with DD almost an hour. Bless him, he did go and make her bottle, but he's now snoring next to me while DD munches on my boob. Ah well. He can get up with our eldest in half an hour while I hopefully go back to sleep with baby

I kick mine, it's the only way

No!! Dice that octopus, fry it with peppers, garlic and button mushrooms, add some sweet chilli sauce and serve on a bed of rice.

Smother your husband with a memory foam pillow.

Have you got an octopus to hand? I believe they're notoriously difficult to sling, you'll have to manoeuvre it carefully rather than sling. Good luck.

Omg no. It's the most annoying thing. DP can snore like a 747 on takeoff - and then gets cross when I wake him up to tell him to shut the blue fuck up

If I am bfeeding DD, I can't bear sitting up next to him if he's being a great snoring lummox, and have to stroke/prod him until he stops. Sometimes he has the nerve to complain that I "am awake anyway".

It can be v effective to pinch their nose gently shut. But be warned: 1 time in every 10 it will wake them up, and they don't wake up happy. It's like snore roulette.

Push him and make him move. I do this to dh and he's so used to it now, he adjusts position in his sleep. Usually stops the fucking snoring.

Yes. YABU.

That is extremely cruel. Why should octo have to put up with that?

I can send you a pair of wet teenager socks...

The octopus may enjoy it! You certainly have to have its cooperation to apply effectively:

The easiest way to apply said beast is to gather all tentacles over its head, suckers outward, hold in a light grip to avoid the octopus's automatic 'suck back' response, hold over the head of your DH snoring horror and, from a height of about 18 inches, let go and step back, your octopus will fling its tentacles outwards as it descends, landing with a very satisfying 'schluck'.

Good luck.