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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go back to work

24 replies

1manwent2mowWent2mowameadow · 19/02/2016 21:35

Due back in may after a years mat leave, back to parttime(22hrs, 2 9 hour days 1 half day)
Ds son is v clingy and cries when I leave him anywhere, not a problem at the mo and I know he'll be fine at nursery,
But the truth of it is I like being a sahm. Really like it. Feel like I'm going against women who have strived for equal working rights!
We can't afford for me not to work, but by the time I've earnt £7.50 an hour and paid £4.20 for 10 hours for ds and £4.50 for 3 hours for ds (6) after school I won't actually make v much, and I'd only be working for someone else to look after them coz I'm working to afford it! Dp's wage covers bills and mat pay has been covering food. We spent cold allowance on any extras, it's v tight but doable. Will not be doable if I have no income.
Happy to do evening shifts somewhere until free nursery hours then go back to 'normal' hours. Unfortunately I have v limited experience and getting a job is proving impossible.
Dp says I'm lucky to have a job to go back to and should keep applying for others, it's easier to get a job whilst working etc. And he insists we'd make it work, him working 4 long days or something to have dc on a day I'm at work....

I feel like people think I'm lazy but it's harder being home than working...

Any ideas of easy to get employment that pays v well with family friendly hours?!
And please reassure me I'm not being u by wanting to be a sahm til smallest one starts school?! He's also breastfed and I don't want to wean him

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 19/02/2016 21:38

Well I see women fighting for our rights as just that. The right to choose. Some women enjoy being a sahm,some prefer working. I agree that it is easier to find a job when you're actually working. You may change your mind when you're back.

AyeAmarok · 19/02/2016 21:39

I think if you can't afford it, then you can't give up work.

He's right that it would be more sensible to look for a better/more suitable job when you're in work.

I'm sure you're not alone in wanting to not work and preferring to stay home and play with your DC, but bills need to be paid.

expatinscotland · 19/02/2016 21:39

YANBU to not want to, but you say you cannot afford food without your working. So I'm with your DP here, so look for another job. Look at your contract and make sure you won't have to pay back any monies if you don't go back to the job, in case you get another one.

Original poster

1manwent2mowWent2mowameadow · 19/02/2016 21:39

Child allowance.... Not cold allowance!

OP posts:

CooPie10 · 19/02/2016 21:41

I have to agree with your Dh here. If you can't afford to then you will have to go back, also not fair to expect your Dh to take on the entire financial burden when you have a job you can go back to. Look for something else while you are in the job, you will find it much easier.

NickyEds · 19/02/2016 21:42

YANBU at all but bills need to be paid and if you can't afford not to work then that's that really. Sorry.

Original poster

1manwent2mowWent2mowameadow · 19/02/2016 21:45

I'm looking and applying, esp little/no skilled jobs but no luck yet! Part of me wishes I could be made redundant coz at least I could sign on then, and I know how bad that sounds but need to voice it somewhere! Have asked current job for shorter days but they won't go for it, if he was pfb I'd get it a bit more, after first one I was well up for being a grown up again, but not this time.

OP posts:

bellbottomedtear · 19/02/2016 21:47

Working from home as a childminder you would get the best of both worlds and once at school you could go back out to work

eddtheduck · 19/02/2016 21:50

What industry do you work in? Could you work some part time evenings and weekends to avoid childcare? Do you currently run two cars? Would it be an option for you to stay at home and not run a car to save money?
We managed a year with me at home when we had two under twos, and I loved it. Hard work but it was a lovely time to have with the children. Financially we couldn't manage any longer than that, but we did it through careful spending on food etc and we didn't manage a holiday or any extras during that time.

LeaLeander · 19/02/2016 21:51

You have to take the long view. Even if most of your pay goes to child care, you are bolstering your work experience and job history, presumably paying into a pension and maintaining contact with your career network. The kids won't be little forever. And is very hard to step back in after a long lapse from the work force.

Original poster

1manwent2mowWent2mowameadow · 19/02/2016 21:51

Have looked at thatbellbottomedtear but apart from the initial expense would I get any business?! I'm not sure I'd leave dc with somebody with thier only experience being thier own kids?

OP posts:

NewLife4Me · 19/02/2016 21:51

YANBU to want to be a sahm as long as you can make it work financially and of course it is what you both want.
If your dh doesn't want this as much as you, it won't work and he'll become resentful.
We made it work financially, still do 25 years later, I didn't go back to work ever. Dh is fine because we planned for a sahm right from the start.
Oh and bull shit to going against women etc.
The fight was for choice not bloody domination You have a right to choose, don't feel guilty.
Have you thought of Pub/bar/waitressing work that you can do a couple of nights a week.
Or, an idea for a business you can manage from home?

harshbuttrue1980 · 19/02/2016 21:51

I know its a cliche, but what about work in schools? Teaching assistant, dinner lady, cover supervisor, cleaner, office staff. I'm a teacher, and we have lots of people in different roles in our school, doing term time only hours. Lots of them just send their CV in to the office manager.

expatinscotland · 19/02/2016 21:51

Make sure you don't have to pay any money back to your employer before you start searching for other jobs.

Lurkedforever1 · 19/02/2016 21:53

Yanbu to want to be a sahm. But you aren't being realistic if you can't afford it. Keep looking at other options, but until then your dh is right, it's easier to find a job when you're already employed.

Original poster

1manwent2mowWent2mowameadow · 19/02/2016 21:55

Charity, and working hours are set in stone. we've made all the cuts we can whilst pregnant :( unfortunately my attitude at the moment is staying in current job is actually limiting my future career (and no, no pension) and I need to get out now but I can't decide if I want out and will be pleased to get another job or still feel the same.
Maybe it's my employment that I don't want, not necessarily work? If the right job (evening hours,etc) came along I think I'd be happy to go back to 'grown up work'

OP posts:

CollectiveGuffaw · 19/02/2016 21:56

You are only working 3 days a week.

Most people don't want to go back to work after maternity leave but you'll soon get into the swing of it.

If you have to work you have to work!

How do you plan to afford to make ends meet otherwise?

For what it's worth, lots of people are only working to keep their jobs open during the childcare years!

AyeAmarok · 19/02/2016 21:58

If he was pfb I'd get it a bit more, after first one I was well up for being a grown up again, but not this time.

But you don't have that option, because you won't be able to afford food. And all the lovely mothering in the world is irrelevant if your children can't eat.

You just need to pull up your big girl pants and go to work. And keep looking for an evening job. Once you have found an evening job, then you can leave - that's your motivation.

RubbleBubble00 · 19/02/2016 22:00

doesn't sound like a choice if you can't afford not to work. Go back, keep looking for something else.

MillionToOneChances · 19/02/2016 22:06

Childminding is easy to get into, you just need to do a training course. It's a great way to earn money whilst staying home with your kids, if you don't have a big career to get back to and you actually like other people's kids.
www.pacey.org.uk/working-in-childcare/childminders/becoming-a-childminder/

Original poster

1manwent2mowWent2mowameadow · 19/02/2016 22:13

You just need to pull up your big girl pants and go to work. And keep looking for an evening job. Once you have found an evening job, then you can leave - that's your motivation.

Yep that's pretty much what I need to hear! Googling more jobs now, may is along time away still!

OP posts:

Xmasbaby11 · 19/02/2016 22:14

Ah I do understand how you feel, but financially it's not viable. Many women are in the same boat. Working 3 days a week is not bad as a compromise. Hope you find some thing better soon.

villainousbroodmare · 19/02/2016 22:26

YANBU but it sounds like you have to. I went back a couple of weeks ago. I'm not enjoying it but don't have much choice.

TheMightyMing · 19/02/2016 22:27

Really consider childminding. Round here they are very sought after and it pays well. I did the course 12 years ago, it was straightforward, I never pursued it in the end as I would have been giving up a professional career, and I had a wobble. Don't regret it though.

I think it's a bit harder than it used to be ( there's OFSTED involvement much more than there was in the past) but it's definitely something to consider, as long as you have the inclination and the space. I realize it's not for everyone though and I am sure it's hard work.

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