to not let my grandmother hold my son

[gunting]

My grandmother is a heavy smoker. My son is 3 months old and i refuse to take him to her house as she smokes in there.

She comes over to my house to visit him but won't brush her teeth/change clothes and it makes me anxious allowing her to hold him.

AIBU to not allow her? I feel cruel.

You are being totally over the top here.

Pfb.
What about traffic fumes, additives in food, even our drinking water? Chemicals in soap and detergents. I could go on.
Obviously you don't want anyone smoking around your baby, but really, this is going too far. What do you think will happen to him if grandma cuddles him?

Everyone will say yabu but I wouldn't let her either.

I'm going to say YANBU. Your baby your rules. The dangers of second hand smoke from clothes and skin is clear.

I'm the most pfb mother ever and even I think yabu. Just get her to wash her hands. Your baby will be breathing in far worse just on a normal day out.

Meant to say I'm with you on the not going to her house, I wouldn't take a baby into a smokey house.

I believe the government guidelines to prevents SIDS is smokers must wash and change clothes before holding baby. So yanbu

YABU and a tad hysterical. It's her great grandchild. I'm sure she held you when you were a baby and, presuming she was a smoker then, have you suffered any ill effects?

Found yes she did hold me when I was a baby and I've had asthma since I was 2. So has my brother and it's never been in our family before that.

You're being ridiculous.

Can you put a towel/blanket on her to make a layer between them.

My lovely MIL wore the worst heavy perfume ever (to cover up the smoky smell) and DD used to stink of it after she held her. She had bad eczema too which didn't help.

Government guidelines do not say smokers have to wash and change clothes before holding a baby:

www.nidirect.gov.uk/sudden-infant-death-syndrome-sids

If she's refusing to change her clothes then obviously holding him isn't that important to her.

Not going to her smokey house I understand. The dangers of actual smoke breathed in is clear.
Not convinced about smoke held on clothes/skin, this is just precious.
Not letting her hold him in your house unless she's brushed her teeth - very OTT.

YABU - it will mean the world to her.

Do you drive with your child in the car? Far worse fumes there. Fresh paint in the nursery? MDF furniture? Planning on flying anywhere before he is 18?

As long as she doesn't breathe all over him it will make no difference to his health and will be so special for her.

He is so to have a mother who cares so much but he will be fine

YANBU

I didn't allow this either, not when dd was very little . Smokers who visited me had to wash their hands and take their outer top off if they wanted to hold her. Nobody was arsed about it.

Smoke still comes out of your mouth for a while after you have been fagging it. I didn't want it lingering over my babies face

If she comes can you get her to do that?

YANBU. I never understand the people who jump on these threads saying people are being silly about it and it won't do any harm. It does pose a risk - it increases the risk of SIDS.

Even if that weren't the case, smokers smell horrible and I wouldn't want my tiny baby stinking of stale smoke.

your asthma is more likely to be due to genetic factors than your grandmother holding you as a baby. I agree entirely with you that you shouldn't take the baby into her house.

How utterly preposterous you are.

VimFuego - can you share research that shows that smokers holding newborns causes SIDS?

Unless you lived with her that's not the reason you have asthma.

I wouldn't go to her house but I would let her hold in the baby in my house after washing hands.

Completely, utterly, totally unreasonable

OP you have asthma from presumably being with your mum 24/7, falling asleep on her etc. do you really think a cuddle every now and then is going to do anything? I understand pfb but at 3 months I think you need to let it go.