to not let my grandmother hold my son

[gunting]

My grandmother is a heavy smoker. My son is 3 months old and i refuse to take him to her house as she smokes in there.

She comes over to my house to visit him but won't brush her teeth/change clothes and it makes me anxious allowing her to hold him.

AIBU to not allow her? I feel cruel.

She has already done* this (held the baby).

If the OP was worded differently I can't help think she wouldn't have had so many yabu responses.
My gran kissed my baby on the lips 20 minutes after she had a cigarette and when she gave him back he smelt strongly on cigarettes and perfume. WIBU if in the future I insist on her changing her clothes and washing her hands before I let her hold him?

but I can't let someone smoke in my garden and then walk into my house, pick up my son and kiss his face with smelly smokey breath.

Well that's clearly sensible & fair enough, gunting, but it's not the full teeth brushing/outfit changing for a brief visit outlined in your OP.

Get a big hose and make her strip off when she comes in and hose her down.

Then hold her down and spray breath freshener in her mouth.

HtH

Fanjo

Fanjo

Fanjo YABU!

What have you decided Gunting? Have we helped?

Yeah this thread definitely helped! I saw my gran this weekend and I explained to her my concerns and she understood. She waited until 30 mins after smoking and wore a big coat outside then washed her hands. So thank you for the constructive comments I can see both extremes and I don't regret the decision I made previously. I'm feeling less anxious now afterwards too.

Oh that's good news! Glad Gran was receptive...it's difficult for older generations, they are often so set in their ways and don't understand that things have changed somewhat...and I mean no disrespect to her. My Nan couldn't understand why my Mum couldn't tolerate her smoking in the house while she was being treated for cancer. It would be a no brainer for most wouldn't it?

Well done OP!

Thanks MrsC you're right, I'm sure there are things we do now that won't be popular with our kids and grandkids but if it's been your way of life and also an addiction for so many years it's hard to change.

I started the thread because I didn't think I was being completely unreasonable but also I didn't want them to have a relationship. So I'm glad I got a few different opinions and also facts, it's helped a lot.

Awwww bless her!
And well done to you for standing your ground, otherwise she'd never change X

I'm so pleased to hear Mumsnet helped Gunting and that your gran respected your wishes after you politely, honestly and quite rightly explained your concerns.

It's evident in your last post how relaxed you now seem and I'm please you experienced a happy visit.

It is very daunting... things changing all the time with regards to what's best for babies etc so now at least you have a clear way forward set. Well done and thanks for updating us

OP , I get that your grandmother smokes and you don't like it, but why don't you want her to have a relationship with your son?

Anothertime and mummy thank you I feel much better

Red sorry that's a typo I meant I didn't want them to not have a relationship

You're more than welcome Gunting

Cool!
Pleased to hear of the visit