to not let my grandmother hold my son

[gunting]

My grandmother is a heavy smoker. My son is 3 months old and i refuse to take him to her house as she smokes in there.

She comes over to my house to visit him but won't brush her teeth/change clothes and it makes me anxious allowing her to hold him.

AIBU to not allow her? I feel cruel.

Yes you are bing very cruel and utterly ridiculous. Shame on you.

Make sure that when you go for your checks at the clinic that none of the staff have had a crafty ciggy.

This report (from the US surgeon general) states that 'Babies whose mothers smoked during pregnancy or who are exposed to secondhand smoke after birth are more likely to die of sudden infant death
syndrome (SIDS) than are babies who are not exposed.More than 100,000 of the smoking-caused deaths over the last 50 years were of babies who died from SIDS or other health conditions. Deadly chemicals in cigarette smoke reached these infants before they were born, or when they were exposed to cigarette smoke during infancy.'

www.surgeongeneral.gov/library/reports/50-years-of-progress/consumer-guide.pdf

I would say that's a credible source, but I can find more if you'd like.

Vim co-sleeping with a baby and smoking increases the risk of SIDS.

I think you're being a tad OTT. My son is 7 months and both my parents smoke. I do not let them do it around him and they go outside etc when smoking but it's a bit much making them change clothes etc.

Unfortunately there's nasty chemicals and dangers in everything nowadays, from fabrics to plastics etc and you can't protect babies from everything. If it was was for hours everyday then maybe, but ever so often? Then yes I think you're being U

My grandma wasn't a smoker but I still didn't let her hold my DD. She lived in a nursing home and refused to wash and her hands were not clean. She was 92 and unsurprisingly is no longer with us and I was reflecting last night that maybe I was a bit mean and OTT. I don't think I have any photos of them together, even though my DD was almost 2 when her great grandma died.

So I don't think BU but maybe you could let her hold her once just in case you regret it later!?

Nowhere in there does it say a cuddle now and again by a smoker is the cause

And she got to 92 when smoking was allowed everywhere. Some of you really are rather hysterical.

Another report which mentions the link:

www.aafp.org/afp/1998/0401/p1566.html

I have no doubt that co-sleeping with a smoker and/or a child living full time is a bigger risk than a baby occasionally coming into contact with second hand smoke via a smokers clothes - but that doesn't mean there is no risk whatsoever.

Yabu

I smoke ( well trying to give up again) but it never fails to surprise me when people on threads like this insist that second hand smoke if fine especially with small children

I'm with you on this and think YANBU! I wouldn't want my precious baby breathing old smoke in to their tiny little lungs! Smoke clings to clothes and skin. Bleugh!

YANBU not to go to her house.

At your place, well, a quick cuddle, once, won't hurt him. You don't have to let her hold the baby for hours.

You might YABU, but I think I'd do the same. Maybe not to brush her teeth but definitely should change top. And if she were truly bothered she would meet you halfway so I'd ask her why she's unwilling to compromise and if still nothing, fine she can see him in a few months when he's less fragile.

YABU.

My nan was a smoker, it didn't cross my mind not to let her hold my sons. I would never have deprived her of that joy.

Nope, she can't hold baby while stinking of smoke. She will make baby stink, let alone the health risks.

oh ffs, get over your self.

Could you drape a blanket or something on her so he isn't resting against her clothes? I do appreciate where you are coming from but it sounds a bit mean - yes the risks are there, but really very minimal. Plus my mum smoked 20 a day whilst pregnant with me & I don't have any breathing probs

No way would I let her. Why won't she change her clothes and wash hands if she wants to that badly

It stinks though. Why should she have to let her baby smell of smoke just because some one can't go with a fag for a few hours.

YANBU. There are credible studies on this which my midwife was very knowledgeable about. It is a 'thing'. I'll try to remember/dig out the info. It really stuck with me as before I learned about it, I might well have also said YABU.

None of my family are smokers, so a non-issue for me, and I get how tricky it might be. But for the sake of this thread OP, you are not being ridiculous or hysterical.

Yes you are bing very cruel and utterly ridiculous. Shame on you

And way over the top reactions like this? Ignore them.

I would feel the same. I would ask her to wash her hands and wear a clean top. I wouldn't make her brush her teeth but if I could smell smoke on my baby afterwards I would probably be upset. I hate smoking. It stinks. And at 3 months old the baby is still very very young. YANU

YANBU. Smoking is like car use, in that we are so exposed to it we normalise the things. Cars have a very positive impact to counter the risk; smoking doesn't. And third hand smoke risk is evidence-based.

YANBU. If your gran won't wear clothes that she hasn't been smoking in, washed her hands or not smoked in a while then clearly holding your baby isn't as high a priority as her wanting to smoke.

Well as the parent of an asthmatic and a baby who was admitted twice with breathing difficulties if I had a third I'd not give a fuck at being thought of as precious. if u stink of smoke either change your top or your not holding the baby.

Yanbu