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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would IBU if I didn't call again?

22 replies

TowerRavenSeven · 11/02/2016 20:33

Was supposed to meet a new friend for a movie a few days ago. However ds called me to pick him up from school as he was ill so I had to cancel. Called friend, she understood and we made plans for today.

Unfortunately I got swamped at work and could not leave to meet her for the movie today. 45 minutes before we were to meet I called her, no answer so I left a message then texted as she said she was having a problem getting phone messages. Told her the whole story, etc. explained I'm usually not so flaky but couldn't leave as planned.

I didn't hear anything back so I called her and left her another message, still didn't hear so I sent her another text asking to confirm she got my message or texts as I didn't want her waiting for me alone! All in all I sent two calls (phone messages) and three texts. It's been almost two hours and I haven't heard a word. We texted early this morning several times and she got those and responded.

Would I be U to give up at this point? I apologized but there was nothing I could do I had to finish at work. It's just nagging at me since I haven't heard from her.

OP posts:

CooPie10 · 11/02/2016 20:37

Ok you have come across as flaky but your reasons are perfectly valid, it's just unfortunate timing. Leave it for now.

x2boys · 11/02/2016 20:57

Could you not leave it for now and text next week and apologise for what happened but say you are free on x date for coffee, movie whatever?

Only1scoop · 11/02/2016 21:08

Yes I'd presume she'd received the messages.

Maybe she's fed up of being messed around and leaving it quite late.

If it's a new friendship she may just think you're a messer and she CBA.

Maybe apologise again in a few days and enquire how she is. I'd leave it then.

OhforGodsake · 11/02/2016 21:39

I think your friend is thoroughly fed up with you and has maybe decided it's not worth making any further plans with you OP. You must, surely, have known earlier than 45 minutes before your meet up time, that your workload was going to make it impossible for you to finish in time to meet her? She was probably already on her way there by then.

IloveAntbuthateDec · 11/02/2016 21:41

TBH If you were my "new friend" and let me down twice I wouldn't bother making the effort again.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 11/02/2016 21:43

She's ignoring you because she's pissed off which understandable 45 minutes before you're due to meet is poor form

OracleofDelphi · 11/02/2016 21:56

If I had made a new friend and grey dropped out of plans twice in one week in the same day, I would be s bit pissed off. I would think you were a flake and at this stage in my life I can't be doing with that ....

Not trying to be harsh just trying to get you to see it from her PoV ..., I totally understand your situations were valid to you, but it's just not what you expect from people who you are trying to build friendships with.... I think you have to accept that these two incidents, so closely together may have damaged your potential friendship irrevocably .... But in fairness you have apologised so text her in a week or two to check the lie of the land

GreenPetal94 · 11/02/2016 23:25

You shouldn't cancel plans 45 mins before unless its a serious emergency. If you wanted to develop this friendship you should have prioritised the second meet up, so she probably thinks you are not bothered.

VimFuego101 · 11/02/2016 23:27

Have you ever actually made it to meet her before or has it just been these two times you cancelled? I understand your reasons but I can see why she would think you were flaky.

BlueJug · 11/02/2016 23:49

I'd leave it now. Ball is in her court. If I were in her position though I'd be pretty pissed off. 45 minutes notice is nothing and she'd already have been on her way/ have spent money/ had no dinner in/arranged childcare- whatever we don't know.

You were swamped at work. And only realised 45 mins before. You wouldn't have cancelled someone else if you thought they were important - you chose to cancel her.

Clearoutre · 12/02/2016 06:01

If they were just 2 freak occurrences and you'd be sad to lose your new friend leave it until the weekend, then say you want to make it up to her. Make a generous offer, such as taking her out for drinks somewhere near her office or home on whatever day suits her etc. She'd struggle not to see it's a sincere and generous offer and you're worth a third try!!

Littlef00t · 12/02/2016 08:25

Maybe she decided to go to the cinema anyway. Turned her phone off.

Katenka · 12/02/2016 08:28

Tbh I would be pissed off and wouldn't be answering you until I could trust myself not to be shitty.

First time I would understand. But all of a sudden been snowed under by work 45 mins before meeting up, I wouldn't be happy with.

I work for myself and wouldn't do that to someone.

It's up to you wether you try and call her again. But if I were her I wouldn't be taking the friendship any further.

Trills · 12/02/2016 08:36

I agree with Katenka.

I imagine she spent some time thinking "FFS", and didn't want to reply or pick up in case she said something angry.

Even if she intellectually understood that you didn't do this on purpose, she could easily still feel very annoyed.

QuietWhenReading · 12/02/2016 08:38

I'm with Little, I would assume she went to the film anyway and had her phone turned off.

That's an excessive amount of calls and texts, calm down.

Jinglebells99 · 12/02/2016 08:38

I would assume she's at the cinema and has turned her phone off.

AlpacaMyThings · 12/02/2016 08:52

The difference for me would be did she know you were coming from work?

When I meet my friend I always say if I'm coming from straight work so she knows I could be delayed/have to cancel. That said, she can be unreasonable as she's been a SAHM for years and has no concept of work obligations and responsibilities.

AyeAmarok · 12/02/2016 08:57

I would be pissed off in her position. Your reasons are valid but unfortunately you have messed her about.

If you want to remain friends then you need to make a big effort.

Rebecca2014 · 12/02/2016 09:30

I had a new friend do this. I classed her as a flake and didn't bother to see her again.

OzzieFem · 12/02/2016 11:22

You've made plans twice to meet this new friend, each time cancelling for good reasons. What guarantee can you give her that this will not happen again if you make a third date? NONE.

Why would she waste her time and life for someone who cannot be relied upon. Should she understand ? Once yes, twice only if she was a VERY good friend, third time definitely not.

Bailey101 · 12/02/2016 11:39

I would be pissed off, especially about being cancelled on 45 mins in advance. If I was heading to the cinema, I would have already left my house and be on my way - would not be amused at the short notice.

The only thing you can do is leave it a day or so and then send a proper apology. No 'I'm sorry, but.....', just a genuine apology for not being more considerate.

RhiWrites · 12/02/2016 11:56

Send her flowers, you have really messed her around.

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