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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sad that I am getting older

29 replies

itwasmuchbetter · 08/02/2016 14:10

Although I am happy with the way my life is - wouldn't change the dc, love my dh etc, I am feeling more and more sad that my youth has gone. I am 42 and feeling like no one will ever flirt with me again and I am just becoming middle aged. I have a good life, lots of great friends and family, I have hobbies I love. What's wrong with me?

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 08/02/2016 14:15

Read valley of the dolls. It's completly normal to feel that way but I do suggest on working on not becoming bitter about it.

WorraLiberty · 08/02/2016 14:16

It beats the hell out of the alternative.

Hihohoho1 · 08/02/2016 14:16

Nonsense op 42 isn't old!

I am 51 and in pretty good nick. Join a gym and enjoy a flirt in the jacuzzi. Grin go out with girl friends and have a flirt. Harmless fun and makes you feel good. Grin

Just don't go to far. Wink

bornwithaplasticspoon · 08/02/2016 14:18

People always say 'it's better than the alternative' which it is of course, but dealing with getting older is hard.

Quoteunquote · 08/02/2016 14:24

Honestly enjoy the age you are as it's soon gone, I've got a parent in his 70s, runs marathons, cycles over two hundred miles a week, climbs mountains at the weekend what ever the weather, and still works full time because he loves it.

BillSykesDog · 08/02/2016 14:29

Honestly, watch a reality show. Big Brother or Ibiza Weekender or Ex on the Beach. By the end of it you will be so glad you are older and don't have to concern yourself with all the trivial shit young 'uns obsess over.

SuckingEggs · 08/02/2016 14:34

You're never going to be as young again as you are today... so don't waste the moments you do have by worrying.

I know what you mean, though, but getting older can be positive, too. Just depends on your perspective. Personally, I am staggered at how time passes so quickly. And I know it'll keep doing this, which (usually, but not always!) makes me relish the here and now.

Topseyt · 08/02/2016 14:42

I do know what you mean OP, although I am not bothered about anyone flirting with me. Grin

I will be 50 this summer. I have to pinch myself and wonder just how that happened really. It just doesn't seem all that long ago when DH and I were a more or less carefree, young married couple with baby DD1. My 50th birthday will be just four days short of our 23rd wedding anniversary, DD1 will be 21 in may and is at uni, DD2 will be 18 in December and DD3 will be 14 in July. I just can't believe my "babies" are almost grown up.

For me it is just that the passage of time has seemed so swift and scary, not that life isn't good.

roundandroundthehouses · 08/02/2016 14:54

I'm 46 and partly see what you mean, in that I've stopped recognising myself in the mirror and feel a bit like I'm trapped in a fat suit someone else's body. I do think it's only partly age, however, and the rest is to do with a couple of decades looking after everybody else except myself.

I never did enjoy flirting and that kind of attention, so don't miss that at all - but I need to avoid pushing my dh away due to my own lack of physical confidence. He still inexplicably finds me attractive and I feel I should appreciate that, rather than questioning it! Grin

I spent too much time and freedom in my 20s obsessing over relationships, and have often thought that I'd like to have my 20s back, without all the angst. I'd like to think that my 50s could be as close as I'll get to that, as both of my dds will be adults by then.

Hihohoho1 · 08/02/2016 15:03

I am so enjoying knowing my children as the wonderful kookie adults they now are.

Nothing compared with sharing a joke and a glass of wine with 'grown up'children and seeing GC.

Sod my twenties with the sleepness nights, small children and general angst. No way want that back.

SisterNancySinatra · 08/02/2016 15:13

When I was younger in my twenties and thirties I looked good, was life and soul of the party,office, pub wherever I was , was interesting , was looking forward to the future etc but I also envied older couples who had their own property, mortgage paid off, could afford to go on nice holidays , had time for themselves , wernt tied down with babies and endless sleepless nights . So I think that young people can envy middle agers and the middle aged get nostalgic for the good times .

mika2 · 08/02/2016 15:19

Why don't you try some volunteering etc. It might make you appreciate what you've got. I'm early 30's and have breast cancer and 2 small babies. If I live to 42 (and hopefully I will) I will be very very happy. (I am irrationally jealous of old people!!) Be grateful for what you've got. Your life can change in an instant.

Hihohoho1 · 08/02/2016 15:25

mika

All the best to you Flowers

Owllady · 08/02/2016 15:28

Mika, you are right. All the best ,Flowers

Abbinob · 08/02/2016 15:32

I think it's normal to feel like that, I'm 24 and I've felt like it ever since I was about 16,it was "oh no I'm not a child anymore"
18- "oh no I'm not a teenager anymore"
21- "oh shit I'm a proper,proper actual grown up"
24 "oh shit I'm even more of a proper adult, my life is vanishing wtf make it stop"
I think it's a mortality thing or something, I get all panicked before every birthday because I don't feel different just look different the older I get

angelos02 · 08/02/2016 15:53

YANBU. I used to take for granted that if someone looked at me that it was because I was slim and attractive. Now I wonder if I have something on my face or my skirt stuck in my knickers!

PennyLaneisinmyearsandinmyeyes · 08/02/2016 15:54

I'm 55 and this is truly the happiest time in my life. It's sad to see yourself aging but having your health is THE most important thing. Having worked in NHS with children and adults who haven't been fortunate to experience a healthy body it makes me appreciate mine even if I have wrinkles etc.

Working on the paediatric burns unit has changed my outlook on life forever.

SisterNancySinatra · 08/02/2016 16:51

Yes Mika you are right Flowers

SnowBodyforrrrm · 08/02/2016 17:17

Flowers mika. You took the words right out of my mouth. I was always very frightened of the thought of getting older. Then in July I was diagnosed with a brain tumour, aged 28, mum to four young kids, I nearly died in my sleep out of the blue.

Now I hope and pray everyday that I will be the little old lady I used to worry about becoming. I was at a baby shower on Friday, I was watching the nan to be and wondering whether i will live to see my grandkids. It broke my heart. I wouldn't have even given it a thought this time last year. If I live to 42 (which I hope to god I will) my children would at least have memories of me, if I died in the summer; the little ones wouldn't have had.

Just try and enjoy your life as much as you can for now. If you have your health and as you say, are happy with the way your life has turned out, you should consider yourself extremely lucky Flowers

Andrewofgg · 08/02/2016 17:46

I'm not getting any older; it's just longer since I was born.

Another survivor of cancer; 41 at the time, now 63. It changes your outlook. I look at my great-nephew and DW's great-nieces and remember that if I ahd not been lucky (a specialist in another field who had done his houseman years at the Marsden) I would never have met them.

Topseyt · 09/02/2016 13:16

Eventually you realise that your children are studying in their history lessons at school stuff that to you was current affairs.

Examples I can think of: Winter of Discontent, Margaret Thatcher becoming PM, the Falklands conflict. All have morphed into history now, but I remember seeing them on the news as they happened. Those were my secondary school years. Not out for a political debate on them, they are just examples.

FarrowandBallAche · 09/02/2016 13:18

To put things into perspective OP a friend in her forties has just been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer this week. I'm sure she'd swap places with you right now.

ZiggyFartdust · 09/02/2016 13:19

You know what is sadder than getting older? NOT getting older.

You're in the prime of your life, you have partner, children, friends and family. You have won the fucking lottery of life, thus far. Start being grateful for it.

turquoisetoad · 09/02/2016 13:27

To be honest I'm just grateful for every day I have. My mum died of breast cancer when she was 40 and I'm now 46 so I've outlived her by 6 years. It shaped my life hugely as I was just 12 when she died.

There are days when I mourn my lost youth (clubbing, wild parties, backpacking, numerous boyfriends etc.) but I love the life I have now. I don't have much money, don't own a house, can't afford foreign hols, get paid just above min wage for working with children with SEN (a job I adore) and I'm lucky to have a great DH and kids.... Like most families we have our stresses and strains but we are close and have a lot of fun together. You never know how long you've got so I try and embrace the here and now.

I always thought I'd be dead by 40 (like my mum) so it feels like a bonus that I'm still here!

magimedi · 09/02/2016 13:34

I am 60 & can truly say that last year was the happiest of my life.

You worry so much less & don't look in the mirror as often Grin

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