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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some people use stag/hen does for a free weekend away?

31 replies

Piggate · 07/02/2016 14:45

Just interested to see what other people think. As it's tradition for the invited people to cover the cost of the stag/hens, aibu to think some of them choose an expensive weekend that they wouldn't normally pay for for themselves? Please note I say SOME and by no means mean all or most.

An example of this is a stag do my dp is going to as he's the best man. The stag has said he wants to go to Amsterdam and has mentioned two activities he wants to do whilst there. This meansdp has to use annual leave and we have to spend the next few months saving when we would have been morr comfortable as I've recently gone back to work after having our son. There is no way the stag would ever organise this weekend for himself and his friends as he's very tight with money.

Aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Piggate · 07/02/2016 14:46

Ugh sorry for the typos Blush

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/02/2016 14:48

I've never known those invited to pay for the stag/hen! Mostly just chip in for a few (tacky) bits and some champagne.

ManneryTowers · 07/02/2016 14:58

It's only covered if some pushy maid of honour/best man guilt trips everyone into covering the bride/groom's costs and no one has the balls to say no. It's not the 'norm' for the bride/groom not to pay.

ManneryTowers · 07/02/2016 14:59

And just seen your DP is best man so he can be the one to let the groom know he will need to pay his own way!

Original poster
Piggate · 07/02/2016 14:59

I've only been to a couple and both times the cost of the hen has been split by the invited! Tbf they were meals. But one I've been invited to is a spa day plus meal plus night out plus staying in a hotel and we're expected to pay for the hen also!

OP posts:
Original poster
Piggate · 07/02/2016 15:01

It's actually his brother who's getting married. The groom's friends have suggested paying. Dp doesn't really know them properly. I thought it was the norm so thanks for confirming it isn't!!!

OP posts:
MaryPoppinsPenguins · 07/02/2016 15:01

I've never known the stag / hen to be paid for either... We all chipped in for a meal and an activity while we were away but the hen laid for her own flights and hotel recently.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 07/02/2016 15:02

Paid!

MissBattleaxe · 07/02/2016 15:45

It's becoming more common for the poor beleaguered guests to have to pay for the stag or hen and I think it's a ridiculous idea that should die out ASAP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2016 15:48

This is the problem with Stag/Hen weekends soon to be two weeks. When it was a night out or a meal and drinks, it was nice to split the costs. A few quid. Now it's hundreds, even thousands. Get you DP to knock this on the head. Especially if the Groom is a tightwad.

BolshierAryaStark · 07/02/2016 15:49

Nope the stag/hen pay for themselves. The whole going away thing pisses me off no end so there is no fucking way I'd be paying for someone other than myself & yes, in case your wondering, I'm going on a away hen do shortly, which I'm oh so pleased about

Birdsgottafly · 07/02/2016 15:55

I love Hen weekends away, but I've only ever contributed to a meal, or drinks on the first night that we were there.

You shouldn't be organising your own Stag Do, that was your DPs job, as his Brothers Best Man.

If the Groom does have a say and it's a weekend do, then it needs asking from the off, if he's paying.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 07/02/2016 16:26

I paid for my own hen do and everyone I invited. Why should the guests have to cover the costs of the wedding and associated events.

ChessieFL · 07/02/2016 16:31

I wouldn't mind splitting the cost of a meal but not a weekend. I've been on a few hen weekends and never paid for the bride, and I paid for myself on my hen weekend.

NinaSimoneful · 07/02/2016 16:38

I don't have a lot of experience with hen weekends but I've never been aware of the custom that the hens all chip in to cover the bride. As PP said, if it was a meal somewhere local to the bride I'd have no problem paying extra to cover her and buy a few drinks but foreign hen dos are expensive enough without subsidising someone's (usually alcohol fuelled) weekend away.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 07/02/2016 16:44

No one's hen or stag do would ever be more important than my own family's needs or luxuries. Your DP should not be guilted into paying all this.

mintoil · 07/02/2016 16:49

I have never heard of paying for the stag/hen before.

DH should be prioritising his own family's needs.

Borninthe60s · 07/02/2016 16:55

I've been to several hen weekends and never contributed towards the cost of the hen, not been asked to either.

starry0ne · 07/02/2016 16:56

I have only ever heard of it on MN...

Lightbulbon · 07/02/2016 17:03

Ive only been on one. Afaicr the bride didn't pay.

cashmerecardigans · 07/02/2016 17:04

I got married last year and just had a meal out. I wouldn't have dreamt of asking or expecting others to pay for me and I also paid for my daughters hotel so she could make it. I hate the way it's becoming such a massive thing. My son went on a 3 day stag do to Munich, cost him loads and he said on returning that it was such a waste - they could gave done the same drinks/eating at home

TelephoneIgnoringMachine · 07/02/2016 17:04

I've only ever been to a couple of hen events. I paid for my own, (it was just me & a friend on a spa day) on the basis that it was my choice of event, & quite expensive. For the other one, a really big group of us went to have afternoon tea at a fancy tearoom. Each paid their own, it wasn't too expensive (don't know if the bride paid or got hers free, but no-one chipped in - it isn't something we do in our group).

vulgarbunting · 07/02/2016 17:07

100% not the norm. Actually, my own bridesmaids did this for me (without my knowledge - too long a story to explain) and I felt massively uncomfortable about it. Not that it was an expensive one, but I hated the thought of people paying for me.

What2 · 07/02/2016 17:10

Hen or stag should pay for themselves. Always although a meal out wouldn't be too bad.

MissBattleaxe · 07/02/2016 17:13

I paid for my own hen do and everyone I invited. Why should the guests have to cover the costs of the wedding and associated events.

Autumn, you are lovely, and a rare gem