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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Worried about xh girlfriends son

25 replies

harboromummy · 02/02/2016 19:07

Need some advice.

My ex husband is with a woman I don't really like. Been together 6 months I think. She has 3 kids, her oldest whose 6 lives with his dad. Ex admits that his gf says she doesn't want her son, and hates him. They have him every weekend. He kicks off every weekend apparently, smashing stuff and just being naughty. Gf threatens to phone his dad and the son cries that the dad will hit him. My ex calls him names and has told her he doesn't want to live with her if he is there and she's saying she doesn't want him there anymore. I feel awful for this poor boy who has been treated appalling 😪😪

This weekend apparently the boy had a temper tantrum in tescos, she rang his dad and he became even more angry, throwing things off the shelf ect. I really do not agree with how ex is treating this boy too. The poor boy probably knows his mum rejects him!

I don't know what to do? I'm really not comfortable with my dc being around that situation.

😪

OP posts:

ouryve · 02/02/2016 19:09

You do know what to do. You tell someone who can do something about it. The situation is out of control - the boy is being abused by all of the adults in his life, one way or another.

gamerchick · 02/02/2016 19:12

God that's so upsetting, poor little bugger.

If you know the school he goes to I would start there tbh. You cant just sit back and let him do all of this on his own.

Original poster

harboromummy · 02/02/2016 19:12

I don't know anything, just the area his mum lives 😪

OP posts:

LordOfMisrule · 02/02/2016 19:14

You need to report this properly.

TheVillageTaxpayer · 02/02/2016 19:15

What a frightful situation. Some kids don't get a break and the poor little lad has no one sane in his life.

Call the police in that area and ask for advice. Someone has to break this cycle and it looks like you are elected. How kind of you to take an interest.

Original poster

harboromummy · 02/02/2016 19:17

It makes me feel sick to hear how ex and his gf talk about him. He's the same age as our son who has autism and can be hard work, I would never ever give up on him or let a bf speak about him/too him like that 😪

OP posts:

gamerchick · 02/02/2016 19:21

Thing is its all of our duties to look after the young. You cant just do nothing. He's so young and helpless.

Lolimax · 02/02/2016 19:21

You have a strong feeling about this. Trust your instincts. You also know the address of where he is when he stays with his mum and your ex. You also (I assume) know her and the child's name. That's a good start. If you know the area they live (town? County?) ring the duty social services team and tell them what you've said here. It's the right thing to do. It's the only thing to do.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 02/02/2016 19:22

Oh my god Is there a single adult in his life who actually wants him around and who won't hurt him either physically or emotionally? I feel so sorry for the poor little thing. How old is he?

Original poster

harboromummy · 02/02/2016 19:23

He's 6.

No I don't know her address as ex wouldn't give it me! I wonder if I google her name I would find it?

OP posts:

APlaceOnTheCouch · 02/02/2016 19:24

I wonder if his dad does hit him or if he is saying that in the vain hope it will make his mum spend more time with him . . .

Are your DCs witnessing your ex and his gf calling the boy names? To me (and I have no experience in this area) that would be the starting point because you can verify that and it's obviously unacceptable. You can approach it from your DCs being exposed to harm and work from there.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 02/02/2016 19:26

6?? :(

My oldest son is nearly 5 and he is so happy and loved and he has stability, and it just breaks my heart that there is another little boy out there around the same age who nobody wants around Horrible.

Original poster

harboromummy · 02/02/2016 19:31

No the Dc haven't been around there for a while. X

OP posts:

SomewhereInbetween · 02/02/2016 19:37

How do you know this is happening...? I can't imagine you're spending time with your exh and his gf and their son, and I can't see anyone admitting to abusing a child so openly like that

MintyBojingles · 02/02/2016 19:37

Oh my goodness he's 6??? Thought he was going to be an unruly older teenager (behaviour still wouldn't be acceptable). You need to phone the police or social services, poor kid needs someone to care :(

Original poster

harboromummy · 02/02/2016 19:39

Ex tells me when he picks up and drop Kids off about how much he's "pissed him off". 😡

OP posts:

wotoodoo · 02/02/2016 19:42

Please call social services with whatever info you have, and possibly the police non emergency line. There may be other incidences that have been reported. This is frightening and being treated like this will do a lot of damage.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 02/02/2016 19:43

Wow I wouldn't send your autistic son there at all if this is how they treat the other boy why would they have any more care and patience with your ds? I agree this needs to be reported. Poor boy all 3 adults are failing him, no wonder he is reacting this way.

fidel1ne · 02/02/2016 19:48

NSPCC helpline would probably be really good for this type of situation.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 02/02/2016 19:48

NeedsAsockamnesty · 02/02/2016 19:49

Do you have the girlfriends name? You say you know the vague area she lives.

It is highly likely that just those two bits of information will be enough to connect dots and for the authority's to locate them.

ohtheholidays · 02/02/2016 19:49

Do you know what school he attends OP?If you do you can ring the school,you don't have to give your name or tell them how you know the child.Who ever you report to the school or SS start of with telling them that your really worried about the child's safety.

And well done OP that little boy's lucky that he has you on his side.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 02/02/2016 19:51

I agree that the NSPCC line would be a good option.

redexpat · 02/02/2016 21:05

Social services. Tell them everything you have seen first hand, and what your DP has seen. You know the name of the boy and the mother. It might not be enough to ID them, but domeone else might have reported something, and the more info from different sources the better. It may take a while, but it could be invaluable info.

Thisismyfirsttime · 02/02/2016 21:58

If your dc haven't been around there in a while how did ex tell you about this weekend? And he comes back with your dc and tells you his gf says she hates her own son and they are both abusive to him? And this is an ongoing issue and you've allowed your child/ren to spend time with them both?

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