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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to this wedding?

22 replies

BelleMairead2 · 30/01/2016 18:53

I am due with my first mid June and a family member is getting married in late July somewhere which would require a short 1 hr flight away. AIBU to plan to not go? I don't know how I will feel after the birth as this is my first

OP posts:

Throwingshade · 30/01/2016 18:54

You'll probably be fine. I'd go. But it's one of those personal things. Many Mumsnetters wouldn't go in a million years, others wouldn't blink an eye. Whatever you decide is fine and understandable.

GailLondon · 30/01/2016 18:55

Totally acceptable to not go! The baby will only be a few weeks old, I'm sure they will understand. Is it in another country? You would struggle to even get a passport for the baby in time

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 30/01/2016 18:57

It doesn't leave you much time to get a passport sorted for the baby.

WelliesAndPyjamas · 30/01/2016 19:02

Close family member? If so, go! Six weeks or so after birth you should be fine assuming it was straightforward-ish. I went to the dorset steam show, three hours away, when my first dc was ten days old post cesarean section, and to a wedding an hour and a half's drive away when my he was 4 weeks old. We survived, enjoyed it, and I'd rather have the memories and photos of the visits to look back on now than not to have gone at all.

Not a close family member? Depends whether you can bear the thought and hassle of flights (I assume it's not going to need a passport for baby?), and if you bottle feed, the hassle of the arrangements for that for such a journey. Alternatively, a cosy time at home with your brand new baby... :-)

Kittykatmacbill · 30/01/2016 19:32

Personally I would plan on not going, use the excuse of getting a babies passport takes 3 weeks if you are lucky and if it's 6 weeks after your due date the baby could be only 4 weeks....
but I don't like weddings

Xmasbaby11 · 30/01/2016 19:35

I wouldn't have managed it with either of mine. First 6 weeks just a blur of constant feeding and being knackered. I wouldn't even have contemplated it to be honest.

Agree youd be struggling to get the baby a passport.

gamerchick · 30/01/2016 19:42

It's impossible to plan. You'll have to wing it... Have a word with the b&g and see if they hold your place maybe.

Scarydinosaurs · 30/01/2016 19:45

You will really struggle to get a passport that quickly, you don't know if you'll be able to fly, and you have the hassle of booking flights that you then might not be able to use!

I would say no.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 30/01/2016 19:48

I think it's sensible to plan to not go, hopefully you'll be feeling good and have a lovely settled baby, but you may be both unsettled and you may be still recovering from the birth. So better to say no now than risk "letting people down" nearer the time

RuthSaunders · 30/01/2016 19:54

I personally was too much of a mess struggling to cope with sleepless nights and lack of routine.

MaisieDotes · 30/01/2016 19:57

It would depend what family member.

One of my siblings: yes, obviously.

One of my 45 first cousins: no.

mouldycheesefan · 30/01/2016 19:58

I wouldn't go.

superram · 30/01/2016 19:58

Em cs and could barely walk with second but probably ok with second. However, a wedding 4 weeks after my first I said no but would try and pop along (near pils) for a drink, I went to the church them for an hour in the evening. A flight away-wouldn't even attempt it. All those germs on the plane, leaky boobs, tiredness-stay at home and watch Netflix! You can with your first!

gutzgutz · 30/01/2016 20:04

I flew with DS1 at 4 weeks to a wedding. He didn't need a passport for where we were going. We were both fine and he slept throughout the evening ceilidh! The only problem was I was breast feeding and didn't have a suitable dress so don't make my mistake!

Actually it was really nice to get away and forget everything for a weekend.

I had a fairly easy birth though, you can't say how you will feel.

shinynewusername · 30/01/2016 20:19

I went to the dorset steam show, three hours away, when my first dc was ten days old post cesarean section

I would have a baby purely as an excuse not to go to the Dorset steam show

Ipsos · 30/01/2016 20:20

I think it depends entirely on you and the baby. I know lots of people might do this, but my ds is 5 now and I would still struggle to do it. We are not travel enthusiasts.

BeaufortBelle · 30/01/2016 20:23

Can you say you would love to go but won't be able to confirm until a week beforehand because you can't second guess how you will feel. When DS was six weeks old I'd had two lots of mastitis and was heading into a breast abscess. I'd have as likely flown to the moon as managed a wedding, even a local one. When DD was born I was in sole charge from when she was 8 days old, managing all the nursery runs and was perfectly fine. We went on holiday when she was eight weeks old.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 30/01/2016 20:26

Depends if you need a passport - if the baby is 2 weeks late you might struggle to get one in time.

If you want to go, then you probably can, but I'm sure no-one would think ill of you if you politely decline.

29redshoes · 30/01/2016 20:26

If it were me, I'd probably want to go if it were a close friend or family member so I would plan on that basis and try and find a way to do it. I do love weddings though.

But it sounds like you don't want to go, and I think that's fine too and completely understandable! If it will stress you out it's really not worth it, just send a nice card and maybe a small gift to the bride and groom.

HumDrumGlumMum · 30/01/2016 20:31

I'd plan to go but not book flights.

2nd time round I went camping at 9 days post C-section, festival at 4 weeks and flight abroad at 6 weeks.

1st time resulted in 3 weeks of NICU, so I couldn't have gone then.

SpartaCarcass · 30/01/2016 20:43

Is it is somewhere you don't need a passport? In which case maybe - depends how much you want to go and what facilities will be there when you get there. If place to go and feed the baby etc and for you both to rest then why not.
If you are super chilled and used to traveling around - go! It will be an adventure and small babies are VERY easy to travel with - all they do is sleep and feed.
Lots of new parents find it hard to even leave the house on time as they are sleep deprived and v precious about the new baby. If you think that's going to be you - don't go. Explain the baby will be possible only just arrived and no passport and all too tricky. Just say you're sorry and have a party when you see them next.

Junosmum · 30/01/2016 20:56

If baby is late you won't have time to get a passport (high season and you need the birth certificate). So I would say it's sensible to plan not to go.

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