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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist DH gets a will?

21 replies

cjt110 · 21/01/2016 14:53

I have one. It was drafted in 2011 pre-(but in contemplation of)marriage and covered all eventualities fathomable so that I dont ever need to draft one again.

He doesn't have a will. We have a son. We have a house, cars etc.

If he died tomorrow, I assume I would receive all? BTW, I am not planning to off him. It just puzzles me why he wouldnt get one drafted.

OP posts:
breezydoesit · 21/01/2016 14:57

YANBU I think it's prudent to have one. That said I've never got around to writing one! But YADNBU

QueenOfToast · 21/01/2016 15:03

He should definitely get a will. My friend's husband died suddenly a few years ago. They were married with one son, he didn't have a complicated estate but he hadn't bothered with a will. Although, everything ended up going to her and her her son, without any argument from any extended family members, my friend had enough heartaches and administrative headaches to deal with after the death of her husband without the extra hassle of his not having made a will.

I'm not a legal expert but you should probably also have some provision in your wills to say what should happen to your son (and to your house etc) in the event that both you and your husband die at the same time, or within a couple of weeks of each other.

Some people seem to find it very stressful talking about wills - something to do with facing one's own mortality?

TeenAndTween · 21/01/2016 15:04

Everyone should have a will.

Especially those with children.

Original poster
cjt110 · 21/01/2016 15:15

I'm not a legal expert but you should probably also have some provision in your wills to say what should happen to your son (and to your house etc) in the event that both you and your husband die at the same time, or within a couple of weeks of each other. Mine does. (I was working in a Solicitors firm so it was a belt and braces job)

I wonder how I can get him round to doing it. I know they can be costly but yknow....

OP posts:
VimFuego101 · 21/01/2016 15:18

Doesn't marriage cancel out your existing will? shouldn't you redraft yours?

as it stands, if he doesn't write one, everything would go to you. Dying intestate does make dealing with all the administration more difficult though (in my limited experience of my dad dying without a will in place). If you have children, then you can also make directions on who should care for them if you have a will in place.

Do you/he have life insurance? that's important too.

Original poster
cjt110 · 21/01/2016 15:23

VimFuego No, as it was in contemplation of marriage. I assume this stops it being void on marriage.

It covers before our marriage
After marriage if he dies first/i die first
After marriage if we have children if he dies/i die
Who looks after DS if we are both dead
If we were married with no children

We have it against the house but nor personal life insurance.

OP posts:
DragonMamma · 21/01/2016 15:32

I work in a solicitors and I was fairly certain it became void on marriage.

As it stands, if he dies intestate then you would get the first £250k of his estate, any amount above that would be split half between you and any children.

I'm not a solicitor btw.

DragonMamma · 21/01/2016 15:36

Oh and yanbu to make sure his will is up to date. If you're unsure as to whether it meets your current needs then I would get the old one checked and make a new one if necessary.

Original poster
cjt110 · 21/01/2016 15:37

Just had a quick google "Section 18 of the Wills Act 1837 allows a will to be drawn up “in contemplation of marriage to a particular person.”" I think it also states that it is not to be revoked on marriage.

DragonMama He doesnt have one full stop.

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 21/01/2016 15:56

If it's specifically drawn up in contemplation of marriage then it remains valid after the weddding.

[am a Will Writer btw]

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 21/01/2016 15:58

Get one written up which reflects yours? He can hardly object :)

Original poster
cjt110 · 21/01/2016 16:00

mumblechum1 Thanks for clarifying. How much approx are wills? As I worked at a firm, it was a free service to the value of approx £200

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 21/01/2016 16:31

I assume I would receive all?

There's a saying that to assume makes an ass out of u and me ....

Original poster
cjt110 · 21/01/2016 16:33

Precisely Lurking Even if by law I would get X,Y and Z, I would at least like to know if DH wanted X to go to A, Y to go to me and Z to someone else etc

OP posts:
PurpleWithRed · 21/01/2016 16:38

If he died suddenly you'd be left with sorting out all the admin while you and his son were grieving. Financially it would probably be fine, but it would be another burden at a time when you would be devastated by his loss. That's why it's selfish not to do it.

Friend's husband died in an accident - she said all she wanted to do was grieve but she had to choose his coffin (style, price, fittings, etc etc etc), design the service (what music? what readings by who? where? how much etc etc), find all his insurance documents and deal with an endless mountain of admin when all she wanted to do was howl in a corner with her kids. Writing a will is the least your DH can do to help you if the worst happens.

LurkingHusband · 21/01/2016 16:39

MrsLHs father died suddenly, without a will.

It was very stressful for all Sad.

Original poster
cjt110 · 21/01/2016 16:43

choose his coffin (style, price, fittings, etc etc etc), design the service (what music? what readings by who? where? how much etc etc), find all his insurance documents and deal with an endless mountain of admin

My grandma had a will but my Mum and her siblings still had to do all of this? I can definitely see what you mean though Purple Applying for probate etc at a time when it could all just be straight forward....

It made me think. Neither of my parents have a will either - although they don't own anything other than personal possesions. Would this still be an application for probate etc if my Mum dies (My dad is my mum's parter of 25 years and not my Dad). It has always been said when my mum dies, my dad gets all and when he dies i get all my mums possesions and vice versa if dad hen mum and his son would get his posessions

OP posts:
HappyAsASandboy · 21/01/2016 16:59

I don't want to sound suspicious, but if my DH was adamant that he wouldn't do a will I would assume he already has one that he doesn't want to revoke with a new one.

A will is only valid until a new one is written, and anyone can write a new one at any time.

gamingmum · 21/01/2016 17:26

Yes people should have wills! There is a great lady on the small business adds who is a brilliant source for will advice and has helped a lot of mumsnetters

mumblechum1 · 22/01/2016 08:29

gamingmum Thanks for mentioning our business Flowers

Topseyt · 22/01/2016 09:06

We have recently made mirror wills. Well worth it for peace of mind IMHO, especially where there are children involved.

I could be wrong here, but I think you still need to get probate for most wills. We did for my MIL's one not even two years ago.

Not worth leaving too much to be decided under the rules of intestacy.

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