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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be in awe of single parents

206 replies

agapimou · 19/01/2016 12:55

Dh is working away for 2 weeks. Mil usually takes 14 month old dd in the evenings but has been sick for 5 days.

We have been living on spaghetti and cheese sandwiches for the last 3 days. The house is an absolute tip, we have no clean clothes, the dogs need a walk, the hamster needs cleaning out, I havn't showered for 6 days and last night I cried when dd woke up at 3 am again. I also work from home and am about to lose several clients as dd only napped for about 45 minutes these last days.

Seriously how the fuck do you do it? Mil is over her cold and thankfully taking dd tonight, otherwise I am ready to hand myself into ss.

OP posts:
Helennn · 19/01/2016 12:57

How old are your kids and how many do you have?

StealthPolarBear · 19/01/2016 12:58

Does your dd go to nursery?

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 19/01/2016 12:58

I'm not a single parent anymore but was when dd1 was a baby/toddler. Honestly it was easier on our own than with her dad. He is a nice man but my God he was more of a hindrance than a help!

It is difficult trying to juggle everything though, especially if you're working too.

UmbongoUnchained · 19/01/2016 12:59

It's hard but it's just something you've gotta do! Flowers

knobblyknee · 19/01/2016 13:00

No, YANBU. We are awesome Grin

If I knew you I'd help out. Brew

toffeeboffin · 19/01/2016 13:01

YANBU.

I often ask myself the same thing.

These (mostly women, let's be honest) deserve :

A. A break
B. A medal

I have so much respect for single parents. I do not know how they cope.

TurnOffTheTv · 19/01/2016 13:01

How many kids do you have?? Is the baby not in nursery if you're working?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/01/2016 13:02

We mainline caffeine for the first five years. Grin Jokes aside, no wonder your finding it difficult, your usual routine is massively messed up.

toffeeboffin · 19/01/2016 13:04

Before DS I used to be critical of single parents, thinking they were free riders etc etc.

Not any more.

More services need to be made available to single parents, not less!

If I ruled the world I would offer free night time nursery for sleep deprived single parents.

splendide · 19/01/2016 13:06

I remember saying to DH when DS was about 3 weeks old that men who left women on their own with tiny babies should be imprisoned - I really meant it! I was in the midst of awful PND but still. Having said that my friend has a 3 year old on her own and she's always made it look easy!

notenoughbottle · 19/01/2016 13:07

What a lovely thing to say and YANBU ! GrinI'm a single parent to three and yes it is hard work BUT the alternative (in my circumstance) is staying with a lazy dp and doing all they're washing, ironing, food etc etc so ill take being a sp any day! You're little one sounds like they are going through a bit of a clingy stage which is hard work single parent or not. ThanksBrew for you

cannotlogin · 19/01/2016 13:07

I'll give it....a page before someone suggests single parents need to take responsibility, the free-loading what nots as after all they brought it on themselves and have no one else to blame....

bah!

HPsauciness · 19/01/2016 13:07

It is very hard when it is just you, no-one else to consult.

In your situation, though, part of the stress is coming from trying to work whilst looking after a 14 month old. Childcare is a full time job, so is working, if you try to do two jobs, it always ends up exceptionally stressful. My house looks like a tip if I am working on a project.

Enb76 · 19/01/2016 13:09

We cope because there is no choice. If you are used to having someone else around to help then it's a shock to the system when it's suddenly not there but if you've never had help, you don't need it. In fact, I get a bit narky when people try to help and then don't do things my way!!

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 19/01/2016 13:11

You just crack on with it because there's no other choice.

I only really struggle when I'm ill. I might need to be tucked up in bed but what I'm actually doing is looking after 2 kids, walking the dog etc because there's no one else to do it.

And Mother's Day, for some reason, always makes me feel sad.

LocalEditorEssex · 19/01/2016 13:12

I have been a single parent for almost two years.
I have 4 children.
My life is so much easier now in many ways as ex Dh wasn't a very nice person.

Tbh I do think it is easier for me as my children are all 10 and above.
However I might not have sleep issues any more but I do have teenagers and they bring a whole new load of problems. moody, stroppy kids

Whoverville · 19/01/2016 13:13

You just get on with it because you have no choice. I've been a lone parent for the majority of my daughters life (she's 6) and it can be tough at times, especially before I went part time, but agree with the previous poster that things were harder with her dad around, for lots of reasons. You get into a routine and find strength you never knew you had and you cope, sometimes you thrive! But at first it was bloody hard work! And now some days I'm guilt ridden, and feel like I'm not doing so great. Other days I feel like a warrior! Grin

sofiahelins · 19/01/2016 13:15

It's easier because there's no doling out of tasks, you just get on with it there's no other choice
So happy single Smile

icklekid · 19/01/2016 13:15

I remember being totally in awe of single mums with colicky ds, totally sleep deprived and not really coping with dh! I still am even 18 months later and just wish I could help do more!

Original poster
agapimou · 19/01/2016 13:19

I have only one dd! Normally childcare is split between me, dp and mil but I got left alone for 5 days and i'm drowning.

Well done ladies (and gents!) you are all amazing Flowers

OP posts:
peachybex · 19/01/2016 13:23

I haven't even had the baby yet - and I am already sincerely in awe of anyone that does this alone. I am a pretty robust type, seen as fairly capable/confident and all that jazz...doing this on my own would have me quaking in my boots.

Feel the same about those who have multiples.

queenofthepirates · 19/01/2016 13:24

Aw thank you! I've been a single mum since the start so I've built our whole routine around that. I think when it's suddenly foisted on you, it's hard for you!

I think we manage because we

  1. never say no to help
  2. always ask for help when we need it
  3. just occasionally take help even though it's not offered ('you will take my baby for ten minutes won't you?')
  4. we take the kids into the shower with us
  5. I have emergency pot noodles
notenoughbottle · 19/01/2016 13:30

Queen love the emergency pot noodles! Tonight we are having emergency McDonald's Winkas have poorly dd, ddad in hospital and several after school activities to run around after! OP I think you need a nice hot bath and a takeaway tonight!

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 19/01/2016 13:37

My dd is nearly 3. That's 3 years since the ex left us for OW.

Three years of heaven!

Yes, it's hard work. But I have taken leave from work, so I only have to deal with house and kids.

Dd has a few nursery sessions each week (term time) and ds is now big enough to get himself to and from school (bus).

I just prioritise things that need doing. Get the kids to help. Dd likes sorting washing into colours and shoving it into the machine.

Ds can cook quite a few meals and likes being allowed to.

Some things don't happen every day. Bath isn't cleaned, carpets not vacuumed. Every few days. I tend to do one 'big' job each day.

I wouldn't be trying to work from home with a toddler there.

Either working or parenting. Unless you can seriously work around their nap times.

Maybe this year we will tackle the garden...?

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome · 19/01/2016 13:40

I completely agree. I am in awe of single parents, you guys are amazing!