To be in awe of single parents

[agapimou]

Dh is working away for 2 weeks. Mil usually takes 14 month old dd in the evenings but has been sick for 5 days.

We have been living on spaghetti and cheese sandwiches for the last 3 days. The house is an absolute tip, we have no clean clothes, the dogs need a walk, the hamster needs cleaning out, I havn't showered for 6 days and last night I cried when dd woke up at 3 am again. I also work from home and am about to lose several clients as dd only napped for about 45 minutes these last days.

Seriously how the fuck do you do it? Mil is over her cold and thankfully taking dd tonight, otherwise I am ready to hand myself into ss.

I feel exactly the samecloppy. You've found the words to say exactly what I was thinking.

I'm glad you said that ineedtimeoff i thought i was going to get a flaming.

Oh. And no offense intended to anyone who thinks single parents are magic. I just wanted to be honest about it. Sorry for murdering the thread.

Agreed Cloppy.

I have high standards (neat freak) but I rationalise down to the bone

No pets (mess and work) no weekday activities (time and stress) one thing in the diary at the weekend (stress and getting jobs done)

I also use work as a lovely break

Dealing with the twat exes is the hardest part by miles. The rest is very, very rewarding.

I take your point too Cloppy, but I do feel like I do a great job and it is nice when someone compliments. It is hard, and it's nice to have that acknowledged.

I get fucking pissed off when married friends complain about "feeling like a single parent" too.

Doesn't bother me cloppy op didn't come across patronising or with any hidden motive. I only hate people commenting on nicely brought up dc of lps, or how great they were to bring up well balanced adults as though it's a suprise or rare. Or when dd was little people in rl with supportive partners and a decent income choosing me to share poor me stories with, and expecting me to agree how hard they had it.

Mandy yes!!!! I never get invited to couple things, and it's the couples who have the kids who my kids play with.

So, if it's the kids going to the park, I might get an invite.

If the parents of the kids at the park are having a dinner or something then no, I'm never invited.

Single friends or couples with no kids think I'm either ancient or boring, so no invites there either. I have no family. I don't ever invite to mine (see post about rationalising - no way do I have time or energy to start throwing parties).

On my birthday I had lunch with my boss. I last went for a night out about a year ago, with a friend who has moved away now.

Yeah, if you like socialising it's not great. Luckily I don't really..... God that's made me sad actually now.

Dp quit at 2 1/2 years with twins. It was terrifying the thought of managing alone and working. No social life, no sleep, but it was in some ways easier as although he helped with cooking nappies etc he didn't fully engage. Once gone I could just get on with it. Aged me about 20 years though. They are 6 now and we survive

Been a single parent for 17 years, since DS was 1. I love the fact that Ive been the sole major influence in my DS's life. No separate parenting issues to balance. I have also chosen to stay that way and not co-parent. I haven't found it hard at all. I've seen many a friend do it differently and I wouldn't swap my experience one bit.

DS and I have a fantastic relationship.

Can't wait for him to bugger off to uni this year though

I think that a lot of single parents do an amazing job. There are times when I go to work (in what can be a demanding high stress environment) and it feels like a rest

I think it is lovely of OP and didn't find it patronising at all.

What I did find patronising was when I was told by this old-fashioned bloke that DS had turned out well "considering the circumstances". The circumstances being me being a SM and providing no father figure.

Tosser.

Good thread
Nicely said, Cloppy.
Have been single mum since my daughter was 15 months.
Can't imagine having a man getting in the way of DD, dog & me!
Only annoying thing is getting ill. No family nearby to help. This time last year had horrific chest infection & sat on kitchen floor crying cos I was too weak to open a tin for DD's tea.
Lowest point ever.
Can be a bit crazy juggling work, DD, dog, social life & housework but sooooo much better than being in a crappy unhappy relationship & bringing DD up in a fog of animosity

Yadnbu. I am constantly in awe of single parents (male and female) I know I wouldn't be able to do it...

Ohh this thread is prescient - ex is right at this very moment texting me to explain why there won't be any money coming next month.

Now THAT I could do without. The rest of it is great. I wish I'd gone for a sperm donor....

I learned very quickly never to rely on money from ex. I just saw it as a bonus.

And if I ever see any money it will be a miracle! Who knows, maybe dd will get some to boost her pension one day

Single parent as well and I rather like it when someone compliments my abilities.

It's far nicer than the ones who see lone parent lots of kids then auto assume I'm some type of drain on the tax payer slut. (Never claimed benefits not even CB)

Cloppy I'm quite sensitive to threads (indeed people generally!) who do the "aren;t you marvellous for coping" patronising thing. I thought the OP was quite sweet and sounded more like "OMFG, I thought I would enjoy this but its bloody impossible!" which I thought was funny.

Of course we all know she would cope because the vast majority of us do...

Thank you for all those kind words - in a society which is so critical and I'll-informed about single parents, it really means so much.

For me, it's structure that makes it work. I work full time. Every morning before i start work, I write my "to do" list for that day, be it shopping, ironing, post office trip etc etc. I do what I need during my lunch break. Once my child has gone to bed at night, I spend an hour cleaning, sticking clothes in the machine, going through the school bag to hunt for buried letters etc. At the end of that hour, I think "fuck it" to anything left on the list - it'll go on the next days list. And then I relax! Bath, tv, catching up on phone calls etc. I do a lot of slow cooker dinners which helps get dinner on the table 20 mins after getting home. If I do it like this, whilst a bit dull and routine, it means that the weekends are pretty much free to spend as we want, without me panicking that I've loads to do.

My dad has been a single parent since just before my 6th birthday (my mum died suddenly) and only now that I have my own kids do I appreciate just how bloody hard he worked to look after me and my brother. Yes, he had some help from other families in the village, but he had to do all the teenage crap, allthe sorting homework and school uniforms and parents evenings and everything by himself. I meant to say a big public thank you to him at our wedding but got cold feet, still regret it now. Thank you Dad, you are a complete hero!

Think it depends on each circumstance.

My dh has worked away all over the world all our married life so for 24 years and 4 kids.

it's tough as you tend to shield them from the day to day trouble as there no point in worrying a man in Australia that ds got drunk
At 15 and he's sleeping it off!! Or that dd ran up a massive phone Bill talking to a boy because you changed her phone and not her contract.

that's teenage stuff and toddler stuff so much easier, not at the time though.!

Still dh would always be there if needed and I guess as a single mum/dad that's not always the case.

jump

Lovely post. Please tell him. Doesn't need to be public. My dh thanked his mum for giving him a fabulous childhood as she was dying and her eyes lit up. Tell him now just incase.

Thank you for this thread op. I absolutely agree, I did an AMAZING job!

As others are saying, you do it bcs you have no choice, it has to get done and there's nobody else to do it. You get uber organised, everything goes like clockwork.

As for being ill/depressed/whatever this joke sums up being a single parent:

How do we know Jesus was a woman?
She rose from the dead.

My Ex walked out on me a few weeks after I got out of Hospital having almost died from a serious illness. I could not even get out of a chair by myself. As soon as I had learned how to walk again and could take care of myself without his help he left me, with an 8 yr old, a 6 yr old a 2 yr old and an 11 month old, not only did I not have any help from anyone, I have no family, my parents died when my oldest was 3 & I have no siblings, but both my exes were actively undermining me, causing enormous amounts of friction, lying to the kids, being complete dicks, my neighbors, who all knew how sick I had been and that I was alone , not one of them ever offered to help me in any way, with half of them constantly bitching at me about my kids playing out side and how noisy they were. I had 4 kids and I had to look after them, there was no one else so I just did it, I had a routine and I just took it one day at a time, I figured that as long as they bathed at least 3 times a week, got fed every day , had clean clothes and woke up alive every morning then I was doing OK. It gets easier when they go to school.
Beer helped.

*PS I have been a single parent for over 15 years.