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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's in a name?

29 replies

MiddleClassProblem · 15/01/2016 18:39

So BIL has two kids and they call MIL Grandma. MIL mentioned once that she had wished to be called Granny but wasn't able to change it now.
Now we have a DD, and we asked all the grandparents what they would like to be called and she pretty much said the same thing but we said if you want to be called Granny that's what we'll call you. MIL was very happy with this. Her mum was Grandma and I think she associates it with her and wanted something for her own but this is probably also why BIL automatically felt comfortable calling MIL Grandma.

Now DD is 1 and starting to play with language and attempt such words. BIL has now said we cannot call MIL Granny because his DC (now 4 and 5) know her as Grandma and it would b confusing. But they all live in Canada and the likelihood of us all being in one place for a prolonged period of time is pretty, well, unlikely. Neither family can afford all the plane tickets for one so it probably won't be until they are older that.

AIBU to keep calling MIL Granny? DH agrees that she should be called what she wants to be called and it's not an issue having 2 names. I mean I can be both mummy and Beryl.

Also I don't like it when someone tells me not to do something so I am being stubborn too.

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/01/2016 18:42

Call her Granny. Your BIL shouldn't be allowed to dictate what your children call their grandmother; that's between her and them, not him.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/01/2016 18:43

call her what she has asked you too, his kids will figure it out.

whatdoIget · 15/01/2016 18:45

The children in my immediate family called my grandma grandma, but my cousins called her nana. There was no problem at all even when we were all together. I think she preferred nana but my parents didn't like it. It should have been left up to her really, obviously.

MoMoTy · 15/01/2016 18:45

Yanbu, who is he to dictate what your dc relationship should be defined as with their Gm? And his kids will just have to deal with the 'confusion'Hmm

teeththief · 15/01/2016 18:47

I'm one of 6 and my DC call my parents Nan and Grandad. I have loads of nieces and nephews from each of my siblings and each lot seem to have their own names for my parents. It's not an issue at all

YANBU

whois · 15/01/2016 18:47

BIL is strange - and children are cleverer than he is giving them credit for. My nieces were able to work out from a young age from the context that I often talked about 'mum' which was their 'granny' because I call their mum 'sister' or 'Sharon' (not real name).

RebootYourEngine · 15/01/2016 18:49

His kids are old enough to know that some people have different names.

My ds changes what he calls my mum depending on his mood. It varies from granny, gran, grandma, grandmama. My 2 and 3 year old nieces dont get confused.

Just let your dd call her granny whatever she wants.

Original poster
MiddleClassProblem · 15/01/2016 19:00

Thanks all! I kinda feel Granny is short for Grandma anyway and of DD comes up with a nickname then that's cool too.
I think BIL might be a little overbearing with these things because he's far away and feels a bit out the loop.

OP posts:
wigglesrock · 15/01/2016 19:24

My kids call my mil Nana and their cousins call her Granny. We all live within 15 miles of each other and see each other all together quite a bit - not once in ten years has this caused even a sniff of a problem.

Hygge · 15/01/2016 19:28

I think they will be able to understand Grandma and Granny as the same person, as you say Granny is short for Grandma.

MonkeyPJs · 15/01/2016 19:32

Call her Granny. My DCs call my Dad something different from what my sister's DC do - largely because we have step-parents and real parents and I wanted my kids to have different names for my dad and step dad (who didn't raise me) whereas my sister is comfortable with the same 'pattern'.

GruntledOne · 15/01/2016 19:34

It never once occurred to me to consult my brothers about what my children would call my parents, nor did they consult me about theirs. To be honest, I don't really know what they call them, and I don't care. There is absolutely no reason why every grandchild has to use the same name.

Fratelli · 15/01/2016 19:59

My cousins and I had different nicknames for my grandparents. I don't remember once being at all confused!

CakeFail · 15/01/2016 20:11

Yanbu at all. If she prefers Granny then I would definitely continue to call her that. I don't think BIL's DC will get confused - I can't imagine why he would think of that.

CrystalMcPistol · 15/01/2016 21:02

BIL sounds a bit odd. None of his business what your children call their grandmother.

Sofiria · 15/01/2016 21:09

I called my grandmother Granny and my cousins all called her Nan. It never confused any of us, so YANBU.

BikeRunSki · 15/01/2016 21:15

My cousins and I called our grandmother different things. This was never a problem.

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2016 22:50

My mum and MIL picked what they wanted to be called. DD is first grandchild and only on my side and first of 7 on DH's side. As soon as she could speak DD gave my parents names of her own, which immediately replaced what they had chosen. They've become common place. We live a long way from PIL who have never let any of the others deviate from the other names, so that is how DD knows them too.

TL:DR - you may find your child makes the decision for all of you.

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2016 22:50

*deciate from their chosen names

DisappointedOne · 15/01/2016 22:50

Grrrrr! *deviate!

SanityClause · 15/01/2016 23:01

When I was a child, I called my mother Mummy, but my cousins called her Aunty Aggy*. It didn't cause any confusion, and we saw them at least once a year. Wink

*Name changed, obv.

RabbitSaysWoof · 15/01/2016 23:20

BIL sounds like a dick. If the name he chose for he's kids to call their nan was supposed to set precedence for all of the future dc then he should have consulted you first.

Original poster
MiddleClassProblem · 16/01/2016 08:42

Don't worry, I'm not called Beryl either. T

hank you all. I wasn't sure with all I was being overly stubborn about it. But you're right with the auntie/mum situation. His DC will call me that and dd will call me mum so why such an issue I don't know. When he next brings it up over Skype then I will explain it to him that way.

OP posts:
lovemakespeace · 16/01/2016 09:01

My MIL is Chinese - they have a complicated naming system where you can identity the exact relation to the child by the name (e.g. mother's eldest brother). It's fab. So my kids and their cousins all use different names for MIL and FIL. Everyone seems to cope OK. Fundamentally, you should choose what your MIL prefers of course (and maybe accept that might change if BIL makes her feel bad - not much you can do about that it's her son).

Witchend · 16/01/2016 09:08

They may pick it up from the older ones anyway, so you may find they default to grandma.

On my dad's side we used Gran and cousins used Grandma.

But on dm's side we used a pet name for dgf, which dsis (the oldest) had made up when she couldn't say grandpa. We all (down to 20 years younger) picked it up and used it, despite parents referring to grandpa.