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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving younger dc with older dc

31 replies

Busyworkingmum71 · 12/01/2016 06:51

It's our 10 year wedding anniversary later this year and dh and I want to go away for a long weekend -Thursday to Monday. We have 4 dc, who at the time of the trip,will be 18,17,9,&7.

Would it be unreasonable to leave the older dc (DDs) in charge of the two younger ds's?

We do have parents we could ask but on both sides are getting older with health issues and don't like to ask them. We could split the care between family members.

Just wondered if this is something other people would consider doing?

OP posts:
fitzbilly · 12/01/2016 06:53

Depends on the two older two. You know if they would be willing and happy to do it. If so then by all means, they are certainly old enough to be able to look after their younger siblings.

Junosmum · 12/01/2016 06:58

Ask your older two how they'd feel!

Original poster
Busyworkingmum71 · 12/01/2016 06:59

They are, and are both capable responsible girls. I've never asked them to even babysit more than a couple of times and it feels really alien!

OP posts:
RubbleBubble00 · 12/01/2016 07:00

hmm I'd be tempted to ask parents to take 7 year old then if older dc wouldn't mind then leave them with 9 yr old

00100001 · 12/01/2016 07:11

Of course leave them. Why wouldn't you? Confused

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 12/01/2016 07:25

I wouldn't unless you are paying them a decent rate for them childcare and they want to earn the extra money.

Unfair if not as they didn't choose the responsibility of having children but you did so upto you to care for them.

Original poster
Busyworkingmum71 · 12/01/2016 07:26

It just feels alien to leave them for so long.... They are both very willing, and capable. I a a aware that other people get older DC to look after younger dc, but for 5 days? Just wondered what opinion was?

OP posts:
Original poster
Busyworkingmum71 · 12/01/2016 07:29

Autumn, that's precisely why I haven't asked them to babysit much before apart from having no social life because they didn't choose to have kids, we did. I agree it's not their responsibility. I. Hadn't thought about paying them and will give it some thought, but it's not really the issue.

OP posts:
KacieB · 12/01/2016 07:30

Not if they're not used to it, no. You'd just worry the whole time and it would probably wreck your trip anyway.

If they're really up for it though, could you give them a bit more (paid) babysitting experience in advance?

lighteningirl · 12/01/2016 07:32

Five days is a long time to look after a seven year old.

drivingmisspotty · 12/01/2016 07:33

I did a few nights when I was 21 looking after my younger sister who was 13, so a bit older than yours. All was fine, we enjoyed ourselves. As yours are a bit younger, I suppose there will be a bit more hands on childcare. And will they need to deliver younger siblings to school? When I had my sister, my Mum did arrange for her to go to a friends overnight the first night (I already had a night out booked in when they arranged their trip). Could you do something like this to dilute the time. E.g. younger ones go to friends first and last night, maybe gran or Grandad could pop by in middle, not to be in sole charge but as some adult back up if it all gets a bit much!

RookieMonster · 12/01/2016 07:34

I looked after my two younger brothers when my mother went away. I was 17 and they were 12 & 13. She had a few friends look in on us, planned for us to visit people for dinner, that sort of thing. We were fine. I don't remember getting paid, though, and would have very much liked that!!

KacieB · 12/01/2016 07:37

Seven is quite young though isn't it?

Plus if you're not used to going away, your younger ones are definitely not used to being left without adult supervision. So it could either be the biggest novelty and best time, or there could be some tears! Or a bit of both.

Either way they won't be on total Normal Behaviour mode for the week Grin

CakeNinja · 12/01/2016 07:41

Could you maybe arrange a sleepover for both the younger ones with friends for one of the nights? It's a long time for you to go if you don't usually, couldn't you come back on the Sunday?
I looked after my sister aged 15/16, she was 1/2 overnight regularly (without being paid!) and then for longer times like weekends when I was about 17 and she was 3. It was fine, I was really used to her needs and we had a really good relationship. Still do!

Original poster
Busyworkingmum71 · 12/01/2016 21:37

Thanks all for your perspectives! I think they might go to one of our parents for the Thursday night to help manage the Friday school run, then on their own Friday and Saturday night with our parents on standby/dropping in on Sunday. Or maybe they could all go to my mums for the Saturday night...
Aarrrgggh, sure we'll figure it out!

OP posts:
Artandco · 12/01/2016 21:41

I would. It's thurs-Monday so only 2 full days at home anyway by the sounds of it as school 3 days.

Can combine with your parents if you like.

BertrandRussell · 12/01/2016 21:42

Talk to your older two about it- see what they think. Have you got time for a practice run or two to see how they get on?

If the older two are happy then I would do it in a heartbeat.

Tink06 · 13/01/2016 00:06

Do you think they are nature enough to cope? I don't think my dds (nearly 16 n 17) would be able to look after dd9 for a weekend as they can't really deal with conflict.
I do leave her with them on loads of other occasions though so I really don't know. Make sure you have plenty of emergency back up just in case. Good luck.

TheSecondViola · 13/01/2016 00:08

Unfair if not as they didn't choose the responsibility of having children but you did so upto you to care for them

I loathe this attitude and to me totally misunderstands what a family is all about.

MillionToOneChances · 13/01/2016 00:27

I would leave them for a trial night asap to see how they get on. Could you go visit friends just for an evening and overnight?

harrasseddotcom · 13/01/2016 00:39

*Unfair if not as they didn't choose the responsibility of having children but you did so up to you to care for them

I loathe this attitude and to me totally misunderstands what a family is all about.*

me too, what a crock of shit. if everyone thought like that then the world would indeed be a shitty place to live i.e not my problem or responsibility so fuck off.

Witchend · 13/01/2016 08:19

If they're happy they might well enjoy it.
Have you read the Little house book Famer Boy where they get left and have a wonderful time?

When I was year 7, one of my year was left on charge of her year 3 sister for a fortnight while mum jetted off with new boyfriend. Shock
Shook found out afterwards and was not happy. She loved it though.

Sgtmajormummy · 13/01/2016 08:47

I'd try to arrange a sleepover with friends for the younger two on the Thursday (so YOU send them off with everything they need for two days of school plus sleepover).

Then leave them all together at the weekend (perhaps with visits from grandparents) paying the older ones a sensible amount for their time and promising generous social-life privileges in the future. They can just "flop" at the weekend.
On Monday they're back to school and you'll be home in the evening.

Money for takeaways would be good, too!

Sgtmajormummy · 13/01/2016 08:49

Sorry, should have said, that's what I do with mine (17 and 10) when we're away. Smile

shebird · 13/01/2016 09:13

Autumn I don't think looking after your siblings should be looked at as free child care. The OP specifically said that she rarely asks them to babysit. They would be helping out and giving their mum a break. If the OP wants to treat or reward them for helping out then I'm sure they would appreciate it but in no way should this be seen as dumping the younger ones on them as some sort of burden.

The more responsibility young people can get the better IMO.