to furious at my former self?

[coalfire]

About to turn fifty. dug out old diary. and found this comment by my (very long term) ex boyfriend. Justifying an affair, in response to my asking for an apology or explanation, he told me: "She was the kind of woman no man could resist." This is all he offered - thus deftly, 1) implying I wasn't that kind of woman and 2) freeing himself of any responsibility or obligation to explain his action or change.
I stayed with him for SIX YEARS after this.
I am so sad for my former self for putting up with this behaviour for well over a decade.

I often rage at my younger self. I'm sad that so many years of my teens were spent in abject misery rather than speaking up. I'm 27 now but the person I was 10-13 years ago is utterly unrecognisable to me now.

Live and learn I suppose?

yeah - mu younger self stayed with a man who beat her because she understood why he was so angry and mixed up and he was such a nice guy outside of the beating

THREE FUCKING YEARS! have a word Gordy aged 19!

I'm annoyed with my not so younger self, because I got into an abusive relationship in my late 30's, for six years.

It nearly destroyed me.

Don't beat yourself up, OP.

My serious boyfriend at University went to a music festival without me and hooked up with his ex-girlfriend for that weekend. Came back, told me about it, I forgave him as if nothing had happened. He told me that if I had dumped him he would have sworn off women for a while. I should've done womankind a favour but no, I went out with him for a further 5 years ( including a break-up and reunion) despite his utter lack of commitment and treating me like shit.

That sort of relationship lowers your self-esteem, and mine got very low. Like you I look back on that sometimes and wonder what was I thinking to tolerate that kind of behaviour ? Then I remember I was very young, and life can be a steep learning curve sometimes.

Cut yourself some slack OP, it was part of life's rich tapestry.

Meh. You can't change what happened, so use that part of your past as a learning curve. You can lay the foundations for your future, so show the sod what he lost