Annoyed about these comments from my brother

[Standingonmytippytoes]

I've had this on my mind since Christmas. DB came over for a visit he travelled over from England, I live in Northern Ireland and this is where he is originally from and his family live.
He spent all of 30 mins visiting my ds and dd and brought his own child. A visit that i arranged.
He then had the nerve to tell me that if his son who is 1 behaved the way my ds does who is only 2.5 he would "spank his bum" I will admit that ds is a handful but he has only reacted the way he has out of fear.
He also questioned why I hadn't been to visit him. I think he forgets that I have 2 dc both under 3. That because of his work he's not always in the country and I also work. It's ok for him his family live here he has plenty to do.

He also specifically said to bring dd and leave ds at home with dp. This has really upset and annoyed me.
My side of the family other than dm makes no effort with ds but sing their praises about dd who I admit is alot easier but I just think it's so unfair and rude that they behave this way aibu.

I would not go anywhere that my DS was not as welcome as my DD.

I bet you can't wait until he has a 2.5yr old boy :)

Yanbu. Your brother needs to learn that If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

Before my DB had any children he used to come to my house and work my two eldest boys up to a pitch. He would throw them around and tickle them etc, until they were at fever pitch.
Then when he had enough he would announce he was going to stop now as he wanted to read the paper etc. He then got annoyed when they would continue to poke the paper and his legs etc, as he ignored them. He then had the cheek so say that they were not well behaved.
I was so glad when he had a couple of really badly behaved children who screamed a lot. Boy did I feel smug! Retribution yea!
OP it is his inexperience talking. Your DB knows nothing.

Yes I would tell your brother that it upsets you - this habit he's got into of guilting you all the time - and maybe it's a family way, but tell him you want a different relationship with him than that - one that's based on mutual respect and friendship. Basically tell him that something needs to change - when he's good and ready ...

Also it's not his job to tell you how to parent. That needs to stop as well.

Yes, IMO, in the main, the person who moved away should be the one who travels back to visit family, rather than all the family having to trek over to the mover all the time (ie, your brother).

Yes I can't wait until dnephew hits the terrible twos. DB picks and chooses the family he spends time with. He picks on DM. He made alot more effort to see out dad who I am nc with, who has never made an effort to go visit db and has actively excluded db from his own life.
I just can't understand why he behaves this way.

That was a bit of a ramble.

Stand - I bet his words bugged you all Christmas - it's annoying when relatives steal your peace like that. He doesn't sound a happy man to me. He should feel lucky to have you in the family especially if the father is a waste of time.

Yes, here's to the terrible twos