To cut down next year Christmas list?

[winkymcwinkle]

Bought gifts for nieces and nephews this year, spending a fair bit and their mother has been all over social media thanking all on sundry for the kids gifts... except us.

I've told DH (they're his side of the family) that that family is getting a biscuit selection box next year the ungrateful bastards

The only issue is that I will still happily give gifts to those in the family who actually express some gratitude, so I guess it may cause some awkwardness.

We don't buy for nieces or nephews (all on DH's side) for similar reasons. We actually don't buy for anyone except DD (and even then only token gifts).

How do you know that a proper hand-written thankyou letter is not currently on its way to you in the post?

I give gifts cos I love giving. Not for thanks.

Have they thanked you directly? If they have then YABU if not then ok, that's rude but why should the children suffer next year?
(Am assuming nieces and nephews are young?)

I don't think it is unreasonable; but you could save any awkwardness by telling them closer to the time that you've decided not to do presents this year so they don't buy for your dc either.

They haven't bought for DD this year or last, but I know money is tight. I don't expect huge gratitude or reciprocation but acknowledgement would be polite.

They aren't the hand written note type, so I very much doubt that. They seem to have done all thank yous via Facebook, taking pics and tagging the gifters... except us. I know they would have received them as gifts were dropped to ILs on Christmas Day and the family were due there for lunch. We haven't seen or heard from them since Christmas so no acknowledgement in anyway, that's what I'm finding so rude. A simple text to say thanks for kids pressies would be fine.

I messaged the mother in October asking what the kids would like, received no response so discussed with MIL instead. I bought them nice gifts and there are five of them!

I'd straight up ask her why she didn't thank you for yours tbh

Send a direct text to check that they received the gifts.

Their answer (or lack of) should make a decision easy.

I'd leave that one behind, but yes, I wouldn't bother next year either.

We buy for people kids we actually see and bother to keep n contact also people who actually knowledge you sent them somthing

So
My best friends two children up until the age of 16 so next year her oldest will just get a card

My husbands two kids

My brother daughter

And that's it

why should the children suffer next year?

With all that's going on in the world this is considered suffering?!

Thank you DisappointedOne, the children are 17, 12,11, 8 and 4, The 17 year old could have said thank you, but didn't (poorly brought up?) I hardly think it will be considered suffering not to receive a present that they couldn't say thank you for last year!

I always find it a bit odd that family that you are close enough to buy presents for, aren't phoning each other, to wish each other a Happy New Year and then having a conversation.

I would ask her outright if she'd rather you stopped buying, tbh.

YANBU. No thank yous means no gifts next year.

Kids won't care, unless they're entitled brats.

My sil text to ask where my nephew's birthday pressie was (a month after it was sent via bil and I text so confirm sent) but didn't bother to thank us for the 3 xmas pressies we sent for 3 x nephews....and they didn't send for our kids either. Baffles me really. In your case I would clarify only if relative is usually sensible....mine loves a drama so I am maintaining radio silence.

If you go around threads trawling for comments you can take out of context you will always come up trumps....

I did put a comment basically asking their age.
It seems mean to not buy young children gifts purely because the parents are rude.
I would still buy for the 4&8 year old if you know them and see them.
Perhaps suffer is the wrong word but you are punishing the children for the parents short comings.

If you don't see them and don't know them through out the year then it seems reasonable to not buy anything

you are punishing the children for the parents short comings.

Only if you believe that the only morality is to buy presents for people at a particular time of the year because our consumerist society says so!

DD not receiving presents from DH's family isn't punishment anymore than us not sending to them is! We'd much rather someone bought her an icecream when they saw her than send presents just because it's December! What's meaningful about that?!

Context.

Quit taking sentences from my posts, removing all context and then flaming me for it.

CON TEXT. Context

Boringly, calm down, the context was obvious and Disappointed hasn't removed it. Better to answer the question.

Okay, boringly, how's this for CONTEXT?

My 5 year old says thank you when peoe do something kind or give her something because that's what has been modelled to her. Similarly, we've never made a fuss about presents (Xmas or otherwise, we don't really do Xmas) so she doesn't expect them. By that token the children in the OP are currently learning that behaving badly doesn't matter because they will still get presents. They will copy the behaviour modelled to them and become entitled little shits. So the OP is doing them - and the rest of the planet - a favour by bucking the trend. Perhaps everyone could do with being a bit more selective about gifting.