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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think baby showers are a bit naff

26 replies

1wokeuplikethis · 03/01/2016 21:56

And cringey, as in asking people essentially to buy you stuff for getting knocked up and not particularly inkeeping with traditional English values. I know it's American. I know it's become popular over here. And I know lots of women love them.

I am currently (what feels like) seven years pregnant with my second. I didn't have a shower the first time and I don't want one this time. I would feel aghast if one was organised for me and probably try to out-spend the guests by getting in posh food and booze.

I don't know. Think perhaps I'm being a grumpy twat but I feel Pissed off at being invited to one for my colleague. Why not just send out a note to everyone you know and ask for monetary donations towards your baby?!

Actually, I should point out that I went to a friend's baby shower when I wasn't pregnant and let the whimsy of it just pass me by. And the wine helped.

Maybe it is this particular person. She is very look how much this cost, I won't even TELL you how much blah cost, snooty. Do I have to remortgage to get her a gift she will appreciate?

Is the general consensus that these showers are FUN! And CUTE! ??

OP posts:
BlueRaptor · 03/01/2016 22:00

I have to admit I quite like them! Had a couple last year - were more of a tea and cake occasion (definitely no fancy food and wine, and not expected either) where we were all able to spend time with mum to be and be excited about the new arrival. Thing is it's fairly given that when a new baby comes along, gifts are going to be given. We encouraged the mums to be to do an Amazon wish list of things so we were able to buy thing they actually wanted rather than guessing. They were all simple items, no one was putting expensive items on just token gifts such as muzzies, grows and bottles to help when baby came.

MuttonDressedAsMutton · 03/01/2016 22:01

I am grateful daily that I had DC before this nonsense started! I have a friend who, within her circle, started giving somewhat crappy gifts at these things. Invites dwindled then died and now she is happy again!

wowfudge · 03/01/2016 22:03

No it certainly isn't the consensus - not on MN. I'm with you - they are cringeworthy and awful. And the naff 'games' are terrible. They are supposed to be organised by friends of the mum to be as I understand it. Only been to one, will never go to another.

ghostyslovesheep · 03/01/2016 22:03

well we all find different things naff pelmets and net curtains even me

but I think your issue is with your friend not baby showers

I had one thrown for me by a few close friends - it was lovely not at all graspy or naff - also threw one for another friend - more of an excuse for a huge get together (nationally - we are scattered!)

I guess like many things they CAN be naff but it depends on the people involved

but they are universally hated on MN so you will be fine grin

ghostyslovesheep · 03/01/2016 22:03

opps Grin

Leelu6 · 03/01/2016 22:05

I don't mind baby showers, I just find it annoying that I have to give two gifts - one at the shower and one when the baby is born. I'd be happy to give a gift at the shower if I then don't have to give another gift when the baby's born.

I would not go to a shower for a colleague that annoys me.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark · 03/01/2016 22:05

Grabby rather than naff but Hmm all the same.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2016 22:05

I think they are a bit counting your chickens before they hatch. That's why I'm not a fan of them and I am from America. The British, however, seem to have taken the tradition of them and made it into something very naff - organising them for themselves, demanding guests pay for the shower in addition to the gift, having them for 2nd/3rd/etc children, making them boozy parties for couples, etc.

Incidentally, you don't have them for second or subsequent children. Only for the first.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2016 22:07

'one at the shower and one when the baby is born. I'd be happy to give a gift at the shower if I then don't have to give another gift when the baby's born.'

You don't. In the US, you give the gift at the shower if there is one. And you are not expected to give another unless you want to.

BlueRaptor · 03/01/2016 22:07

Leelu6 - I've never given a gift when baby was born if I did at the shower. Assumed that was the point of the shower? Woops!

Bunbaker · 03/01/2016 22:09

"Do I have to remortgage to get her a gift she will appreciate?"

No. You tell her that you aren't able to make it, and then just don't go. It is an invitation not a summons.

honeysucklejasmine · 03/01/2016 22:12

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2539804-Baby-showers-good-idea-or-a-bit-greedy

Ongoing thread re baby showers.

If people have been to showers thrown by greedy, rude twats, perhaps they should aim not to be friends with greedy, rude twats?

Damselindestress · 03/01/2016 22:12

I know not everyone likes baby showers but I don't mind them. Close friends and family members generally give gifts for the baby anyway so why not attend an event and catch up with the family at the same time? If I was invited to a baby shower and had been planning to buy a gift anyway then I would go and have fun. If I wasn't, I wouldn't. I don't like it when they are overly grabby though. Do you normally socialise with your work colleague or do you feel like you have been invited just to increase the number of gifts? Because that would annoy me too.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 03/01/2016 22:16

Personally I'm uncomfortable with the idea. To me it's tempting fate. Celebrating a baby that's not yet safely arrived, to me, is just not right.

Never had one and never attended one.

ByThePrickingOfMyThumbs · 03/01/2016 22:17

The general consensus on MN is that they are awful and grabby.

But I've only ever been to lovely ones organised as a surprise for the mum-to-be where any gifts given were very small tokens. But perhaps my social circle is unusually nice?

If you don't want to go then don't. It's not obligatory.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2016 22:18

I've been to countless ones and would go to one here provided it wasn't one of these awful piss-taking ones like I've read on here, with £25 admission fees, gifts from Tiffany's, etc.

'Maybe it is this particular person. She is very look how much this cost, I won't even TELL you how much blah cost, snooty. Do I have to remortgage to get her a gift she will appreciate? '

Wouldn't go to this one. If your office is having a whipround for her, I'd stick with that.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2016 22:20

9 times out of 10, for normal people in the US (not Real Housewives or Kardashians or things like that) they are a party in a function room or even someone's home that lasts for 2 hours or so on a weekend afternoon and quite a few have no alcohol. There's nibbles, punches, cake, sometimes games, sometimes not.

glueandstick · 03/01/2016 22:23

Utterly hate them. But then again I hate the inane baby chat that seems to come with being visibly pregnant. 'Omg look how pregnant you are!!' Genuinely just want people to leave me alone now. The MIL is trying to organise one as I'll get loads of presents apparently but sadly I'm busy every weekend up until my due date. Being constantly busy is exhausting.

Krampus · 03/01/2016 22:25

I used to live in a fairly American place in the UK as a child, there was two other English family close to us. We were near a US base and in the London commuter belt, our street became the place for US Expats to live. I was invited to several babyshowers as a teen and they were nice relaxed social occasions. Someone was close to giving birth and the local women gathered round with gifts, food and iced tea. Nothing wrong with that.

Topseyt · 03/01/2016 22:26

I wouldn't have wanted one. I don't like tempting fate and am glad that they were not a thing when I had my children.

Just my opinion.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 03/01/2016 22:27

They're not my cup of tea. I've been to one (it was a surprise one) and have to admit I did enjoy it. It was really just a lunch in a nice local pub though. Only a handful of us- Mum to be's sister, 3 friends (inc myself) her Mum, Mil to be and 2 Sils to be. We all took token presents of bibs, nipple pads, nice bubble bath and so on.

My friend asked if I wanted one earlier this year for DC4. I graciously declined (while making it clear if she wanted to bake me a cake then help eat it she was more than welcome to Wink ).

They do seem to have replaced the office whip round though.

Me624 · 03/01/2016 22:31

I find them extremely cringe. I go to the ones I'm invited to and take a token gift. We always then get the baby a proper present from me and DH when it's born and we first go round to meet it. I hate the ones with games, especially the stupid chocolate melted in nappies one.

I'm now 7 months pregnant myself and made it very clear to all my close girlfriends, mum and sister that I absolutely do not want one. I think they all think I'm a bit of a spoilsport but I just don't.

Novembercocoa · 04/01/2016 11:27

To be honest, I'm sick of parties for every and any occasion, which seems to be what happens nowadays.
Children leaving primary school having 'graduation' dos, couples with kids and joint mortgages throwing engagement parties, Hen dos that have become almost as elaborate as the wedding, proms, big bashes for every birthday with a zero, christenings that are more about the food and drink and presents than the religious significance, and on and on.

VikingVolva · 04/01/2016 11:37

Showers aren't grabby, if you follow the basic 'rules'

There's no reason whatsoever for them to be tacky, as the only thing that's a given is the obligation to 'shower with gifts'; style of party, inclusion (or not) of games is entirely optional.

I quite like them.

But I don't like people hosting them themselves, or having a list (as it's close friends who can avoid excessive duplication by talking to each other; not a wedding with wider spread of guests), or expecting presents bigger than typical 'shower-type'.

But people using the term 'shower' for any party during pregnancy does confuse things.

If you want a party that doesn't involve showering with gifts, don't call it a shower.

expatinscotland · 04/01/2016 12:29

So true, November.

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