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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be upset by no NYE text?

19 replies

iwasbornbeforetwitter · 01/01/2016 23:41

Bit complicated...
I met a guy in early Dec but due to bad timing/weird circumstances (living in opposite parts of the country, going abroad, summer plans, final masters exams - yes the world is definitely conspiring against any kind of relationship for me right now!) we can't really see each other for a few months. We did both like each other but apart from some sporadic contact over Christmas, haven't really decided when/if we're going to see each other again due to the way things are.
The unspoken agreement was, I think, if we're both free/single/interested in a few months when things die down, perhaps get in touch then. Fine. We are both going to be on the same postgrad course and living in the same place then, if things go to plan - easy peasy haha
Obviously there is little point in just messaging for the hell of it as (a) we don't really know each other that well, (b) we're not going to see each other for ages, if ever (c) we have friends!
Nevertheless and of course feel free to slap me with a wet fish AIBU to feel a bit upset by no happy new years text? Probably I am! We sent Merry Christmas messages...

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 01/01/2016 23:43

Perhaps he's wondering why you didn't send one.

AliceInUnderpants · 01/01/2016 23:44

A guy you met a month ago that you have no commitment with and are already talking about how you can't make things work?
YABU.

sooperdooper · 01/01/2016 23:45

Why didn't you send him one? Just send one now!

Original poster

iwasbornbeforetwitter · 01/01/2016 23:48

Alice it's really difficult to explain, we got on really well and he actually said I was the best date he'd ever been on, I did believe him and same applies for me

without spelling things out, much as I'd like to see him again, he's shy and really, really, insanely busy with work. He does dentistry at uni, has his final exams in 6 weeks time, is on placement every day until then and he lives four hours away from where I live.

The day he finishes exams, I'm moving to a foreign country for twelve weeks and then I have final masters exams.

In a few months time, we will be on the same masters course, no exams, living in the same place, better hours at work

OP posts:

ilovesooty · 01/01/2016 23:49

I still don't see what's stopping you sending a text.

Picnic2223 · 01/01/2016 23:49

Didn't you post about him yesterday (or the day before), as you thought he wasn't in to you?

So over thinking everything.

Mmmmcake123 · 02/01/2016 00:07

If you texted him first at Xmas I would leave it. If he texted you first at Xmas then send him a happy new year.

Mmmmcake123 · 02/01/2016 00:08

But not now, it's too late, send tomorrow afternoon.

memyselfandaye · 02/01/2016 00:11

You posted the same thing a couple of days ago, why don't you just tell him what you want?

Hes either going to say he wants to be with you or he doesn't.

Surely that would be easier than keep asking the same thing on here?

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2016 00:12

HNY texts mean nothing to me compared to an actual phone call.

It's not a biggie for you to whack out a text to him surely?

WorraLiberty · 02/01/2016 00:13

Oh, the OP has posted about this before?

Either text him or don't then.

Again, it's not a big deal surely?

Original poster

iwasbornbeforetwitter · 02/01/2016 00:17

yeah sorry i did post about him before, not sure what I'm seeking to achieve from this thread tbh!
I'm going to leave it, even if one of us were to send a text, it won't change anything - we still won't be able to see each other for months, and who's to say anything will come ofit anyway (not seeing I didn't like him, I really did, just being realistic - and don't want to build up hopes only to never see him again/see him again and it's not as great as I'm envisioning it to be)
I think I'm just not in a great place with exams coming up and the reality that I'm not going to be meeting anyone new for the next few months as will have to bury myself in the books, urgh how depressing!!!

OP posts:

ProcessOfDoom · 02/01/2016 00:20

Erm I'd just wait till your course starts then meet for a coffee then. e-mail a couple days before it starts to arrange.

I have a similar situation, chap keen on me, don't know him well but really drawn to him, different city (he did offer to support my move to his city -smoothie! -

but my life is here for now)

we've both been busy....I think it's a good strategy to not actually be in contact so much but REALLY hoping to re-connect at some point. We did xmas messages but I thought NY would be OTT.

Stop overthinking it.

I also wouldn't do the whole "talk about The Relationship" via text/Skype before you meet.

You're seeing each other "for sure" when the course starts so concentrate on preparing for that and making sure your life is in a good place before then. I think trying to "pin something down" before then makes you look desperate, and you hardly know the guy so you don't know if it's going to be a "good" relationship even

roaringfire · 02/01/2016 00:28

Obviously there is little point in just messaging for the hell of it as (a) we don't really know each other that well, (b) we're not going to see each other for ages, if ever

Texting a guy you like just for the hell of it....well you must be alone in that. How else will you get to know eachothr unless you communicate?

Original poster

iwasbornbeforetwitter · 02/01/2016 00:33

roaringfire, think you must have misunderstood me - in light of the circumstances, which are that I'm not going to see him for 6 months at least, what is the point of getting into conversation? It will just raise my hopes...

Feel like it's the equivalent to messaging too much in the earlty stages of a relationship, only we don't have a meet-up in the diary to look forward to...

I get what you're saying in theory but tbh it's prob for the best that we haven't got in contact!

I hereby declare IABU

OP posts:

MooseTrap · 02/01/2016 00:53

FairPlay OP

Now you can concentrate on your exams.

Good luck with your exams and your future dating career.

ProcessOfDoom · 02/01/2016 00:53

I'd concentrate on your exams for now, the timing does look impossible! Either way getting the best grades you can will open up more options for you,

I'd also really make the most of living in a foreign country rather than worrying about this. If this relationship has legs you'll have lots to talk about anyway.

You don't want to look back on the amazing friends and connections and experiences you COULD have had/made whilst in X, and in fact you were mooning over this bloke.

AfroPuffs · 02/01/2016 01:00

If you like each other then im not sure whats stopping you both in terms of having a phone conversation or meeting up for a coffee for an hour. There seem to be a lot of excuses re why you cant chat etc....

Original poster

iwasbornbeforetwitter · 02/01/2016 01:06

afropuffs cant meet up for coffee because we live four hours away and have completely different schedules - he works every day and is spending his free time revising for uni finals in 6 weeks time.

I have a job where I live, and am also preoccupied with revising for my own finals exams, and preparing to go abroad soon.

Literally, there are possible about twelve possible days until I go abroad that we could see each other (weekends) and there is a chance that one of us may be working; it's also probably best we use it to revise for exams, which will actually determine our future, rather than travelling over for just a quick coffee...

As mentioned, I do really like him (well, from what I've seen of him) but it's a really weird scenario - timing is really not on our side!!!!!

OP posts:

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