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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to ask please help me!

18 replies

Onlyonce · 29/12/2015 20:53

I am having counselling at the moment, with a counsellor that I have gradually learned to trust. She is very experienced and very good at her job. However I am really struggling to tell her how low I feel at times, I don't know what is stopping me or how to get over it. I end up coming away frustrated with myself that I haven't been able to do this. Any advice?

OP posts:

cuntycowfacemonkey · 29/12/2015 20:57

Could you write it down and give it to her at the beginning of the session?

Original poster

Onlyonce · 29/12/2015 21:06

I had thought of that but I would probably back out and keep the note in my bag. I'm at the point where I know its something I need to do. Don't know if I could email her before the next time I see her if I can make myself press send.

OP posts:

cuntycowfacemonkey · 29/12/2015 21:09

An email is a good idea, you don't have put everything in it just explain that you are holding back in your sessions and are struggling to express yourself. I'm sure it's very common for people to struggle to say everything they actually want to and I'm sure she will know how to help you with that

Leelu6 · 29/12/2015 22:18

YANBU. Get her email and write the email, have it ready to send in your 'draft' emails. Then, later on, psyche yourself upto hit the send button. Then run away to another room. (This is what I do with emails I have trouble sending!)

Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 22:23

You should NOT be emailing your counsellor.....

Original poster

Onlyonce · 29/12/2015 22:27

I just think if she has some idea that there is something I need to discuss with her before I get there then it will make me talk about it rather than just avoiding it all.

Lee I can totally understand the running away thing

OP posts:

Original poster

Onlyonce · 29/12/2015 22:28

Cutecat can I ask why you think that?

OP posts:

CFSsucks · 29/12/2015 22:28

Do you not fill in a questionnaire before each session detailing how you have been feeling for the past 2 weeks? I had to do this when I had counselling and you had to rate each thing with a number so it gave a clue as to how you were feeling. My counsellor would have a look then address any pressing issues from the questionnaire.

If not I suggest writing it down and taking it with you. You could hand it in at the end of the session so she reads it whilst you aren't there.

Original poster

Onlyonce · 29/12/2015 22:31

Cfssucks no I've never done that with her. She asks how I have been since last time at the start of each session though

OP posts:

Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 22:33

I think it's a massive boundary issue outside of the counselling session.

You should only be using communication ourside of the session for arrangements around the session cancellations etc.

Against BACP guidelines and also the counsellor is not being paid to read emails.

Original poster

Onlyonce · 29/12/2015 23:02

cutecat fair enough. So, would you have an alternative suggestion as a way through this?

OP posts:

CFSsucks · 29/12/2015 23:06

That's a shame. It's standard with any MH groups or 1 to 1 sessions where I am. They use the numbers you put in and make a graph so at the end you can see where you were at the beginning and where you are at the end.

I'd go for writing it and handing it to her at the end. You could say "I need to discuss something with you that I am struggling to verbalise so I have written it down for you to read and I would like you to lead with it next time." Then go before she reads it.

Muddlewitch · 29/12/2015 23:20

I think CFS' suggestion is a good one. If you don't think you could hand it over could you post it with a brief covering note saying that you would like her to read it ahead of the next session, or hand it in at reception if the sessions are in a centre?

Original poster

Onlyonce · 29/12/2015 23:26

CFS thanks, really helpful to have a suggestion on how to tell her then hand it over. The thought of finishing counselling and having not been totally honest with her is worrying me as I know I need help with this now. So I need a way for this to work somehow. I was nearly at breaking point a couple of weeks ago and yet seeing her today I avoided telling her

OP posts:

Cutecat78 · 29/12/2015 23:30

Write it down and take it with you or tell your counsellor you have stuff you are struggling to say or you don't feel he/she quite "getting" how low you are.

They are trained to be challenged and it will help them to help you.

Itscliffmas · 29/12/2015 23:42

Ugh, I experienced this, I just couldn't let my barriers down enough.

Watching replies with interest.

I hope you find a way to get it all out.

Original poster

Onlyonce · 30/12/2015 09:22

I don't think it's down to her not getting it as such, I just haven't been able to give her any idea about part of my problems so she has nothing to go on. I trust her but I am totally stuck with this.

OP posts:

Aposey · 30/12/2015 10:08

Can you try practising saying it to yourself over and over before you go? Even if its just "I have something I need to tell you and I am finding it hard to tell you." Say it until you don't feel the emotional attachment to the words so much, so that they are just words.

Then when you see her you may find you can say it more easily? I don't know if it will help you, but it works for me sometimes.

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