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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

gambling/crap xmas presents

20 replies

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 21:51

this is more of an is this unreasonable?

some people i know who has kids one of them is a young adult. for xmas all they got was smellys/perfume. did not get any fun/nice things for their ages. But they gamble and end up with no money. is this very selfish or should it be seen as an addiction that they cant help.

OP posts:

nilbyname · 27/12/2015 21:55

I don't understand how those two things are even connected?

Are you saying they didn't get enough presents? Are you suggesting that thy didn't get many things as they are being punished for being a gambler?

Smellies and perfume sound like a nice gift for a young adult.

BatsUpMyNightie · 27/12/2015 21:58

Don't understand your OP at all I'm afraid. Who's a gambler? The person getting the crap presents?

kslatts · 27/12/2015 21:59

I also don't understand your post. Do you mean the parents are gamblers therefore can't afford to buy dc's presents

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 22:02

sorry. the parents gamble. which is why they could not afford to buy the kids much.

im not sure if i should have some sort of empathy as gambling is an addiction or if i should be thinking put your kids first thats out of order sort of thing

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2015 22:05

Gambling can be an addiction, but not everyone who gambles is addicted to it.

Much like alcohol really.

nilbyname · 27/12/2015 22:06

Is the "child" a young adult and earning their own money? In which case I think that a smaller gift is fine. My mother gives me some sort of chocolate and a gift card for £25 and that's the same as my Dh, db and sil. She spends a bit more on each of her grandchildren (5). So all told it adds up. And I'm and adult- I don't need anything!

The gift giving and gambling are 2 separate issues- if the parents are addicted I feel like they probably did their best given their circumstances.

I would try and be a supportive friend, and try not to get worked up about gifts.

BackInTheRealWorld · 27/12/2015 22:07

So who is the young adult? The kid? Cos I don't think there is anything wrong with not spending a fortune on your child once they are an adult.

BatsUpMyNightie · 27/12/2015 22:07

If they're putting the gambling ahead of the happiness of their children then they need a damned good kick up the arse end. There's only one winner in gambling and it's never the punter in the long run.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 22:08

yeah thats what i sort of meant worra kind of am i judging someone on something i dont really understand.

i still feel bad for the kids though

OP posts:

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 22:17

one of the is a young adult yes he works. but the others are all school age

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TiredButFineODFOJ · 27/12/2015 22:39

I guess it depends on whether they never used to gamble, and buy more?
Is the time and money spent on gambling at the point where the kids are going without attention? I think this is what you are getting at. And if it can affect xmas, could it be affecting food and clothes next.

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 22:45

i have only known them a couple of years really. and i dont proper know them either. only that they have asked me to lend them money because got no food or sanitary where for the girls. and the oldest has come to my house because theres no food in the house. but no food could mean there was nothing he felt like eating for all i know.

i know that in the past they have bought the kids mobile phone. tablet and they get pawned. but i dont know what other years/birthdays etc have been like.

OP posts:

kslatts · 27/12/2015 22:55

I think for most people who gamble, it is something they do as a leisure activity and doesn't become a problem. Both DH and I gamble regularly and for us it isn't a problem because we use money that is set aside for leisure. If someone is using money that they would normally spend on Xmas presents for their DC's then YANBU, but as you say for them maybe it is an addiction and something they need help for.

How do you know they are losing money gambling? Is this something they have discussed with you?

kslatts · 27/12/2015 22:58

Just read your latest post. If someone is borrowing money for food and other essential, but spending money on gambling then it does sound as though they have a problem.

Mmmmcake123 · 27/12/2015 23:05

No money for sanitary products but money to gamble. Sounds like an addiction as opposed to a recreational activity.
I haven't a clue how you help in this situation. Further posters may have better advice.
I feel the dc should be made aware of perhaps child line but not sure how deep the addiction is affecting the family. Do you think ss should be alerted? Xmas presents aside, no sanitary products is very bad

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 23:15

i have never lent mpney even though been asked. there was one time on a monday that i was asked i made lots of suggestions about food banks. crises loan. social services help ect everything i said had a reason not to do it. i knew that she had her tax credits on the friday which is quite abit of money. but on the monday she was asking me for money.

but when i think about it im told there is no food. but the kids are not thin. if anything might be a few pounds over. so i doubt they are going without food

OP posts:

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 23:18

i might be thinking wrongly. but could it be if we can borrow 20/30 from ghost then we can use that to gamble. and get a bit of food in. if she dont lend us any then we will have to get the food.

i have never leant any though so they must have found a way

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Mmmmcake123 · 27/12/2015 23:30

Think you are wise not to lend. Being paid back or not often leads to friendship struggles and repeat requests for more lending.

TiredButFineODFOJ · 27/12/2015 23:36

No food or sanitary protection- sounds like too much detail for me also if you were desperate for tampons then you either ask to borrow some or don't mention it at all.
Think they been trying to get you to feel sorry for them to get money off you ghost best not to give money but if you want to feed the kids sometimes, that's nice.
Don't forget kids could be overweight from living off bread/chips/pasties which are very cheap and filling

Original poster

ghostspirit · 27/12/2015 23:48

yeah i thought that about the sanitary wear i thought that was just a way to try and suck me in. i have never ever lent them money. i had another friend who kept asking me a few a couple months back as well. i said no then to. because i did not want to get myself into the situation of people thinking they can fall back on me. oh be relied on... dont know why they think i would have money. i dont have much only average really.

its been like this since i have knowm them as i say only couple of years. its not a new thing its how i have known them. i think maybe the xmas situation sort of reminded me again i guess. but i can see it runs deeper than xmas and its something i dont really understand

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