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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mums annual Christmas arguement

13 replies

MushroomMama · 21/12/2015 10:15

"Dm" has started her annual arguement with me! Every damn bloody year over stupid stuff!

This year it's why didn't I ask her permission to see my step dad over the holidays! I'm in my mid twenties married with two kids left home at 17!

She cheated on him and has dragged me through what seems a never ending nightmare this past year! It's ended in her lying about cancer to make it all extra awful!

I've literally had enough of her behaving so badly! She drags her boyfriend (the one she cheated with) to every family event even when asked not to! Found out he's a massive alcholic which she lied to me about and won't tell me why he's not allowed to see his kids.

Aibu to tell her to fuck off to the far side of fuck?

Everything is naturally my fault and I'm an awful unloving daughter of course

OP posts:

pictish · 21/12/2015 10:18

Yanbu. Poor you.

ilovesooty · 21/12/2015 10:18

Annual argument rather indicates that you haven't tackled this issue before. If speaking about it is challenging could you write to her to tell her how her behaviour feels disrespectful?

MummaV · 21/12/2015 10:19

100% definitely tell her to fuck off.

My DF used to do this every year without fail, usually for a stupid reason that didn't even affect him, so much better since going NC.

Cheating on your stepfather, dragging you into the drama and lying about cancer is awful though. Tell her to fuck off and only come back when she can act like a decent human being.

for you OP.

Original poster

MushroomMama · 21/12/2015 10:22

I've tackled it this morning by telling her exactly how I feel about it all. Usually I ignore her but I couldn't take it this morning.

She can never see how she can ever be in the wrong always the victim everyone hates her pity party for one.

She's quite frankly a dick! I'm usually so calm and collected but she's made me so angry this morning!

OP posts:

TeaFathers · 21/12/2015 10:40

yeah she's a dickhead.
tell her to fuck off for herself.
enough is enough, surely.

ifonly4 · 21/12/2015 10:46

I feel for you. She sounds a bit like my Mum (whose always moaning other people are in the wrong, about her own ailments and can be quite nasty when she wants to be). On the other hand, my Mum likes to feel she's there for us and I know she cares.

You've done the right thing, telling her how you feel. She can either try and makes amends, put it under the carpet and be pleasant or take offence. The problem is that emotions are highlighted when it's someone you're close to, even though you can't take much more, underneath it all you still care.

Supermanspants · 21/12/2015 10:48

You have told her how you feel now disengage. Do not answer calls or respond to texts. Let her stew.

Original poster

MushroomMama · 21/12/2015 10:52

I do care about her you're right if only4 I've just had enough of it all and need a break from her lying and bad behaviour.

She's always been a pita but this past year it's been extra awful. I've felt myself bubble up with resentment and start actively avoiding her. I think she destroyed our relationship when it was down to me to tell my step dad she was cheating. As I said she believes she's never in the wrong so can't see what's she done

OP posts:

Dipankrispaneven · 21/12/2015 10:59

Tell her you do not need her permission for any decision you choose to make about how you run your life, you are never going to ask her permission before seeing your stepfather, and you are not prepared to spend one further second discussing it.

Original poster

MushroomMama · 21/12/2015 11:19

Have said that to her now and asked her why she feels that I should ask her? Total radio silence on the text messages predictably!

Sorry mn for shouting away I'm home alone with the dcs so didn't want to grump round the house!

OP posts:

Heatherplant · 21/12/2015 11:21

As the fellow owner of nightmare family members you have my total sympathy. I'm NC now and much happier for it. I'd just say to her that if he's not allowed near his own children then he's not allowed near yours and if the two of them always go everywhere as an item then it keeps them away from you. Sadly people never change so it seems like limited contact is the only way to a stress free life.

ricketytickety · 21/12/2015 11:24

If she goes totally silent it's good - you can remain no contact for as long as you like then! Some people just need to be given a wide berth. It's hard when it's your own mum because fear and guilt keep you contacting and placating them. But no contact is the best way to go, or very minimal at he least. The less you know about her life, the better. She can go her own way! Remember: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't change it.

Original poster

MushroomMama · 21/12/2015 12:02

Very limited contact as it is now. I live a good 5-7 hour drive away which helps as I can simply turn my phone off.

I think (hopefully) I've given her a verbal kick up the arse hence the silence but I won't contact her again until she behaves like a mother not a dick!

OP posts:

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