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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let DH drink over Christmas when I'm 37 weeks PG?

29 replies

RainWildsGirl · 20/12/2015 17:07

So I will be 37 weeks on Christmas day. DM has just made a comment about 'poor DH not drinking over Christmas' and I laughed and said that I've said its fine for him to drink. DM thinks I'm being very unreasonable in case I need to go to hospital and thinks DH is also unreasonable for not staying sober anyway.

Here are the relevant facts:
I will be 37 weeks with no history of early labour (previous were at 40 weeks and induced at 39)
I have a low placenta so will be needing a c/s - this means any hint of labour and I need to go straight in. I am sure I will be able to drive myself in this situation - I could certainly have driven for a good few hours in both my previous early labours. I wouldn't be waiting to be sure it was labour, any hint and I would go in to be checked.
I have previously been in for bleeding. Again if it is at the level the previous bleeds have been at (very small amount) I would be absolutely fine to drive myself.
If I suddenly go into very fast active labour (highly unlikely) or have a big bleed (possible) I would need an ambulance anyway so DH could come with me in the ambulance.
DH doesn't get 'drunk' - you would never know he had been drinking to talk to him but he would certainly have drunk more than the legal driving limit (we personally have a zero tolerance policy on drinking and driving) so he would be completely fine to make any decisions needed at hospital etc.
We will be with my parents who will be having the DC while I'm in hospital anyway so all their overnight stuff etc will already be there and my notes and hospital bag will be in the car.

I feel it would be a shame for DH not to enjoy a few glasses of bubbles etc through the Christmas week when the chance of him actually needing to drive me are so slim and I feel I could drive myself anyway.

so AIBU to say DH can drink considering all of the above?

OP posts:
CishAndFips · 20/12/2015 17:10

YANBU if your happy with it I can't see a problem.

QueenArseClangers · 20/12/2015 17:10

I have history of labour at 41 weeks, 41+3 and 40+1.
Thought my last DC would be at least a few days/week overdue.

I had her at 38 weeks Confused

LaLyra · 20/12/2015 17:16

I think as long as you are comfortable with it that's all that matters. If you were talking about him being so drunk he could hardly walk that would be one thing, but a couple of glasses of something is a different matter imo.

I'd be adding some taxi numbers to your phone as a back up though. I drove myself to hospital with DC4, but with DC5 the pains were so painful and randomly timed even early on there's no way I'd have driven, especially as the weather was bad.

lilyb84 · 20/12/2015 17:17

I don't think YABU - sounds like you have all manner of contingency plans in place should you end up going into labour unexpectedly. I haven't had any DC before (will be 36 weeks on Christmas Day!) but you sound like a good judge of your own body as well as yours and DH's abilities to cope with the unexpected.

My DH doesn't drive so our only option is taxi. I haven't asked him to stop drinking but will ask him to cut back after Christmas as unlike your DH I don't think he'd be capable of managing decisions or emergencies after having had his typical few pints...

hideandsqueak · 20/12/2015 17:22

I had pp and drove myself to hospital in rush hour with the last of several bleeds for an emergency section at 37+2. It probably wasn't the best idea but I wasn't really thinking clearly at the time.

YANBU

Oysterbabe · 20/12/2015 17:24

I think it's fine.
I wouldn't ask DH not to drink in your situation.

KatyN · 20/12/2015 17:26

We just had a similar conversation.. I am due Christmas Day but she's not engaged, not have I had any inclings and my son was induced at 40+12.

My husband is planning on having a couple of beers each day. Not getting blotto but I can't imagine him doing that with my parents anyway!

I have heard from friends that their husbands stopped drinking so they were!n't smelling of booze in the delivery suite but I can't imagine any mw commenting over Christmas!

Good luck, kxx

RubbleBubble00 · 20/12/2015 20:00

Mw always say thirds are tricky and unpredictable. My 3rd labour was ridiculously fast compared to previous two normal speed. I got out of bed with a niggle pain (nothing before), waters went (always be popped by mw before) the contractions were unbelievable and dh drove hospital with my on my knees in back seat. Started pushing as soon as we got into room (thank god for mlu).

Have a plan. Surely parents can drive you if needs be

purpledasies · 20/12/2015 20:04

I can't see why he shouldn't drink. When I had DS1 we didn't own a car, so obviously planned to get a taxi to hospital if necessary. You could presumably do likewise if you happened to go into labour in the few hours your DH is unfit to drive. Or an ambulance if urgent

SevenSeconds · 20/12/2015 20:05

I would feel the same as you.

OwlinaTree · 20/12/2015 20:11

Yes, sounds sensible, there's a long way between able to drive and spannered.

Hope you have a lovely Christmas.

EvaBING · 20/12/2015 20:16

Don't want to worry you, but I had a massive bleed at 38 weeks (it was a placental rupture with absolutely NO prior warning). Rang labour ward, they asked me to drive to hospital/call a taxi. I was like 'EH, I'm bleeding to death here?' So, they called an ambulance and told me to lie down and to try to stop panicking. 5 minutes from hospital. Dd delivered by emcs.

Very very sadly and tragically, a former friend (we had fallen out about 2 years prior to her pregnancy), had the exact same condition. She had a 40 minute drive to the hospital, which her husband made in 30 minutes. Her baby, at full term, was dead by the time they got there.

I know it's Christmas for your DH and you don't want to stifle his enjoyment of it. I certainly don't want to scaremonger. But with a history of bleeding, and with your already diagnosed condition, you need to have an IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY PLAN for if you start to bleed. Whether that includes your DH is both your own and your husband's decision to make.

I GENUINELY do not intend to scaremonger. However, on balance, it would be remiss of me, NOT to post.

I rarely if ever post about this. But it just feels necessary in this case.

Best of luck. And I'm genuinely sorry if I have in anyway frightened you. For the record, I have thought long and hard about whether it was or was not in your best interests that I post.. If I have made the wrong decision, all I can do is apologise.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 20/12/2015 20:18

He'll only be drunk for a matter of hours over the Christmas period (one presumes Xmas Grin ) and you have the contingency of driving yourself/taxi/ambulance. YANBU.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 20/12/2015 20:21

X-post with you Eva else I wouldn't have put a flippant post after your friend's awful story.

EvaBING · 20/12/2015 20:30

GiraffesAndButterflies - I don't think it's flippant of you at all. It's a normal post to make. And thankfully, MOST pregnancies are completely NORMAL!!!!!!

I'm quite well aware that my post may sound horrific and extreme. But, there was no warning for either myself nor my friend. If you already have an odd placental arrangement, I would just err on the side of caution. If I just said that alone, without the horrible details, I'd be afraid that I might not have even bothered to post as it would just seem a little 'unfounded'.

Purplehonesty · 20/12/2015 22:16

As long as there is someone who can drive you I wouldn't worry.

We are 40 mins from our hospital and on dh's birthday I said why don't you have a beer. He hadn't had a drink for weeks just in case.
No sooner had it touched his lips my waters went! He was more upset about leaving his birthday curry tho!

cardibach · 20/12/2015 22:24

Why 'poor DH not drinking over Christmas'? Why not poor you?
YANBU

Original poster
RainWildsGirl · 21/12/2015 07:38

Seems the overwhelming feeling is my plan is ok! thank you!!

thank you eva for posting your story, and how tragic for your friend. obviously I know there is a risk of more serious complications, as much as I try not to think about them too much. I'm under 10 mins from an ambulance station and I think they can get me in in under 25mins - cant do much more than be ready to call them if I have a large bleed. our hospital has a very busy route in so I would err on the side of caution and call an ambulance if it was more than a tiny bleed. actually my MW advised to call an ambulance for any bleeding at all over Christmas (drunk DH or not) because of the traffic. Thank you for posting your story, it has made me more confident that I shouldn't worry about being a 'timewaster' if I feel I should call an ambulance.

rubble parents will be drinking too!

cardi I'm not a big drinker when not PG so no real loss to me!!

OP posts:
Runningupthathill82 · 21/12/2015 07:48

I'm in exactly the same position, OP. Will be 36 weeks on Xmas day. DH will certainly be having a drink or two most days - enough to take him over the driving limit but not enough for it to have much, if any, effect on his behaviour.
We are close to the hospital and have lots of people around who could drive us if necessary.

ChristmasZombie · 21/12/2015 07:52

YANBU
I think it'd be wise to have one or more taxi firm numbers to hand, just in case. And ring them first (as in, today) and check that they are able to take a labouring woman. I haven't ever had to put this to the test myself, but I have heard that some firms won't take a woman in labour for fear of being liable should something go wrong.

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 21/12/2015 09:20

christmas - I THINK that cabs are legally obliged to take pregnant women, although they can insist on you sitting on a towel to try and avoid damage to the seats/could probably charge you for cleaning if you get body fluids all over the cab.

OP - Well it's really for you guys to do what you want? In your shoes I would compromise and say that DH can drink, but only if he is strict about remaining under the limit. I know that goes against your normal policy of zero drinks if you're driving, but that's what compromise is. So he would be fine drinking ONE glass of wine with food, and then another a few hours later, etc. Considering that you will (presumably) be going tee total over the entire sodding christmas/new year period, I don't exactly see how that is a massive ask. That way you are absolutely sure that you are covered and don't have to hang around waiting for an ambulance/cab.

Driving yourself sounds like a ludicrously bad idea.

rallytog1 · 21/12/2015 09:23

Yanbu as long as you have a back up plan, which it sounds like you do. I'm in an almost identical situation to you - different reasons but it will be an urgent situation if I do go into labour. I'm totally relaxed about dh having a drink or two - as we'll always have a way to get to the hospital pronto.

Junosmum · 21/12/2015 09:50

YANBU. I am in exactly the same position (except this is my first). OH will be drinking over Christmas, which I'm fine with, he's already agreed he won't be getting trollied- I've made it clear that if he's obviously drunk i don't want him in the labour ward with me until he has sobered up, showered and cleaned his teeth! And he is understands that, and can see why, and has chosen to stop drinking after New year, when me going in to labour is far more likely.

Brummiegirl15 · 21/12/2015 11:00

Intrigued by this post. I will be 35 wks on Christmas Day and will be at my parents so not really worried about DP having a drink. He won't get "drunk" as we are at my parents.

I'm more concerned about his Christmas do being in January and him being out drinking with colleagues when I'm like 37/38 weeks and I'm by myself in the house.

He's not had a date set for it yet, and he's not really mentioned it so it probably won't even be a problem. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit apprehensive about it

dratsea · 21/12/2015 11:21

"To let him drink" I do read this as you being on his side but WHAT? Have one on me mate and a small glass for rainwildschild with her Christmas dinner.

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