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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be miffed they didn't share?

28 replies

KinkyAfro · 17/12/2015 13:16

I work in construction and at this time of year we get lots of bottles from our contractors and suppliers. Over the last 3 days we've had a few companies come in with bottles which are labelled with the names of the recipients. Up to now there's been around 50 bottles brought in, none of which were labelled up for me which is fine, I'm not here everyday like them but AIBU to have thought the blokes might have at least offered me one bottle?

They have all been comparing what they've got with each other and generally laughing and joking whilst I'm sad here feeling a bit sad. I know the bottles aren't going to be shared out any further as the guys have put them in their cars Sad

Or am I just being grabby?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 17/12/2015 13:26

YABU

Surely it would be fair for the whole site to share in the gifts so everyone got something?

Are you female? Sadly I think the construction industry is still a bit in the dark ages regarding women on site.

It's not our core industry, but we do some work in that area, and most of our team, including some of the managers are female. One Christmas, all the male managers got sent a gift, but there were none for the female managers (we rotated teams throughout the project) Shock.

Gottagetmoving · 17/12/2015 13:29

I also work in construction. We don't get stuff like that in the Company I work for now - but in previous companies, all bottles and boxes of chocolates were collected and shared out between everyone.
Some people were more customer facing so obviously people bought stuff in specifically for them - but the Managments view was that we were a team, and without everyone's support no one could do their job properly so all Xmas gifts should be shared.

If we had not done this, some people would have gone home with 20 bottles of wines and spirits and others none at all!

Original poster
KinkyAfro · 17/12/2015 13:32

I am female and am often overlooked in these situations, nights out etc. I can understand them wanting to keep what has been given to them but when they have around 6 bottles each and I have none it I feel a bit down Sad

Looks like I'll be the one leaving with none at all

OP posts:
Original poster
KinkyAfro · 17/12/2015 13:33

It wouldn't be so bad if I were in the head office but this is on one of the construction sites so a small team of 8. I'm the only one with nothing

OP posts:
Gottagetmoving · 17/12/2015 13:37

They are being very unfair and greedy. Be the same if they need any help.

MrsBertMacklin · 17/12/2015 13:47

My company is pretty good about this: anything received has to be declared. Before our directors sign the declaration off, we get an email asking if we would consider donating the gift to the company raffle.

Our buying and commercial departments, along with the directors, always get the lion's share and put most of their gifts into the raffle, the rest of us tend to put about half of what we get towards it.

Donations then get sorted into lots of equal value, e.g. 1 bottle of champagne=1 bottle of vodka=case of semi-decent wine.

Then they sell raffle tickets for £1 and the money goes to our company's nominated charity.

On top of that, the company buys everyone a case of wine for Christmas.

GasLIghtShining · 17/12/2015 13:58

I worked in a company where we had to hand in any gifts and then all employees name's were put in hat. I do remember not winning anything the one year although I has put a good few bottles in.

Also had a few suppliers stop giving gifts once they knew the system

kaitlinktm · 17/12/2015 13:58

In the dark ages (late 70s) when I worked for a well-known company the Christmas box for men, at any level in the firm, was a bottle of whisky and for women a bottle of sherry at about half the price. I thought it was unfair at the time but didn't like to say.

Then I moved to another company who didn't give out Christmas gifts at all.

I recently left a place of work after 23 years and got given - a bottle of wine. Sad

KakiFruit · 17/12/2015 14:01

I'm also in construction and part of our anti-bribery policy is that we can't accept Christmas gifts from contractors etc. We can only take them if we then turn them over to the office manager, who does a pick-a-name-out-of-a-hat raffle and distributes them. I don't know if that's the law or just the tack our company has taken, but I thought it was the former...

TheCarpenter · 17/12/2015 14:03

Also had a few suppliers stop giving gifts once they knew the system

I can see that. If you give someone a gift you want them to enjoy it.

Sorry you weren't given anything though OP Flowers.

purplepandas · 17/12/2015 14:06

It is crappy OP. It's horrid being the only one to get nothing. It's obvious that you should share. Have a virtual Wine on me. Not the same I know.

purplepandas · 17/12/2015 14:16

They should share. Sorry. It makes sense in my head.

Tomorrowisanewday · 17/12/2015 14:24

I'm in construction too, and our office has the same policy as Gottagetmoving - everything gets collected then shared out. Some of us have much more contact with external parties, and are the ones who are given the majority of the gifts, but all staff contribute to the job we do, so it's only fair.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/12/2015 14:33

YANBU, that's shit of them. Sorry for you. :(

DH's company has just had the email sent out from HR about gifts - all gifts are to be handed over to HR and distributed on the basis of a lucky draw - this is in Australia, but it's a German-based company. It's part of the anti-corruption policy, so yes, possibly there is some legal basis to it.

shoeaddict83 · 17/12/2015 14:35

Kaki i work in engineering and were the same - all gifts must be declared to management or else they can be classed as bribery. Its then decided if its ok for person to keep (eg a box of chocs) or must go to a 'out of the hat' scenario (football tickets/race days etc).
As for xmas - we get loads of suppliers/customers bringing wine (over 100 bottles usually) so our management put them all in the conference room and every member of staff gets to pick a bottle or 2 to take home as the only fair way of doing it.
i dont think its unreasonable to feel like it might be nice for one of the guys to give you a bottle if they have 6 each and youre the only one without.

UkmmTheSecond · 17/12/2015 14:40

They should share if they were not named or meant for a specific person. It's shit in such a small team that they missed you out. Surely they must have noticed out of nine staff they've only shared between 8. It's mean, esp if you usually get gifted most years.

I used to work in a bar, and hated that I'd be given tips that I then had to hand over to everyone else. Everyone was on the same bar doing the same work and people would give the tips for whoever served them to buy themselves a drink or keep the money, and until I started everyone kept their own, but a few days after I started the "new" system came in, the lads started claiming a pint with their tips and I was the only mug putting in jar, so they got free pints and a share of my tips!

Was annoying because I got almost £200 in tips on Xmas day as I worked 12 til 12 but only took £30 home as I had to share with all the staff who worked shorter shifts.

If this had been the system from the start I'd still be cheesed off, but they changed it because they said I was getting a lot more as I was an 18 year old girl, and it wasn't fair on the men. Funny,they went back to the old way after I left.

Pissed them off on New Year's Day, another 12-12 shift by accepting the drink instead (we could ring through till and then take bottle home at end if shift,) and took £200 worth alcopops home.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 17/12/2015 14:41

That sounds greedy, you'd think one of them would realise. I am sorry they're not sharing. Flowers

Jux · 17/12/2015 15:18

I once worked somewhere where the regular contractors gave bottles to people in my dept. I would be given bottles of white wine (I always drank red) while the men got spirits. After the first year, I made sure they all knew I drank whisky. That's what I got every year thereafter.

You need to say "Hmm, I love Famous Grouse/Glenlivel/Gordons, how lucky you are....". It's not up to them to give away their presents, but it may prompt them to get you something themselves, or to mention to the bottle givers that you're there too.

Judydreamsofhorses · 17/12/2015 15:37

Not being unreasonable at all, but I do understand the men being given the gifts wanting to keep them if they're supposed to be for them personally. It would be kind of them to offer you something though. In my last job I got a load of presents (marketing job, using a lot of different suppliers) and while I did share some of them, like putting boxes of biscuits or chocolates in the staffroom, I did keep some of them too with permission from my manager.

QforCucumber · 17/12/2015 15:52

Difficult one, i'm site based in construction too and also female.

Usually any chocolates which come in from suppliers are put on a desk, opened and everyone helps themselves.

There are 2 of us in the site office and we are always included in the bottles from suppliers/agencies/contractors, but then we 2 are the main points of contact for all of those things even over the site supervisors (as we answer the phone, and actually sort things out when the supervisors don't)

I can see why you would be disappointed, and I would be too, but, if the people who have been given the gifts have received them from their direct contractors and direct contacts you can understand why that particular person would have received it over you.
It seems common that gifts are given to the persons main point of contact, and if that isn't you then they may not even know you're in the same office. Does seem harsh of the men not to share out a little though.

tiggytape · 17/12/2015 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Caboodle · 18/12/2015 08:52

We have a small manufacturing firm and we share everything out; everyone works just as hard as everyone else. Yanbu.

GloriaHotcakes · 18/12/2015 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MidniteScribbler · 18/12/2015 21:02

Before I was a teacher I worked for a construction company. All gifts were handed over to the girls on reception who took over the boardroom for the month. Just before we closed for the holidays, they would sort them out and share them as fairly as possible among staff, so you might get a few white, a few red, a few champagne, and a bottle of some sort of spirits and a handful of other things from the various hampers (mince pies, etc). If you wanted to swap, that was done directly among staff (one guy was happy to give me his champagnes for the bottle of whisky which I didn't drink). I always thought it was the fairest way of doing things.

Fratelli · 19/12/2015 13:00

Hmm it depends. If the gifts are for all staff of course they should be shared. But, if they're for named staff they should be kept by then. It would be nice for your colleagues to share. Looking at it from the gift-givers point of view, they might be a little annoyed to learn the gift they intended for a particular person got given to someone else.