To resist sleeping in DS's room?

[Pinkoyster795]

Ok, so I won't bore you with too much irrelevant details, but I would really appreciate some advice.

DS 4.10 used to be fairly good through the night. If ever he woke up, he would self-settle and not call out. Approx 2 months ago, he started getting up in the night, then calling out, or coming and knocking on our bedroom door (we tend to shut our door nightly). DH and I thought he may have been scared of the dark so got him a night-light. Things then settled for a while, but over the past few weeks, he's started getting up several times a night, and for long periods i.e. from midnight till 4am. He will then call out every 10 minutes-I will go and settle him, then go back to our own bed. Last night was the worst. I literally haven't slept-he was up from midnight till, well the morning. ABSOLUTELY no sleep in between. I'm ashamed to say I royally lost my temper at him at about 5am, but that just made him cry and served no purpose. I have 2 other smaller ones to look after, and am shattered. I really don't know how to tackle this problem though.

DS reckons if we slept in his bedroom he wouldn't call out, but really I am resisting it as I know we will then have to keep doing it. And I have worked so HARD to finally be able to sleep in my own bed (after years of co-sleeping). Am i being selfish? Should I just give in and do it?

No way would I be sleeping in his room. It would set another poor sleep association IMO. I think I would probably also have lost my temper, so empathise with that completely

I just feel so sorry for him. I don't know why his sleep is so disturbed...

I got so cross at him, and now am feeling incredibly guilty (as well as tired!)

I would either snuggle in with him until he fell asleep again, or let him into my bed. It is probably a phase he is going through, won't last forever, and you will all get more sleep in the long run.

He'd love to sleep in our bed, but I don't want to go down that route as a) he won't want to leave! b) I've only just got back to sleeping in my own bed with DH after 2 years of co-sleeping with toddler and c) We have a poky bed-barely enough room for DH and I let alone alone 5 year old!

I've tried the snuggling thing, but he takes forever to fall asleep, then 10 mins later wakes and starts calling e to see where I am...

I don't know if I should not answer when he calls? Is that mean?

If I was in your shoes, I would sleep in his room to start setting up positive sleep associations again, i.e. sleep isn't scary. He may then decide that he is "grown up" and doesn't need anyone with him. Our DD is scared of the dark and we had to get a couple more night lights to avoid bits of the room being in shadow.

It's not natural for humans to sleep alone, though modern society presses it upon us too soon.

I'm sure you'll feel better if you get some quality sleep.

Can he not give you an idea of why he's waking? Sorry, not much experience of 4 year olds! I think you need to get to the bottom of it if possible rather than sticking a plaster on it by sleeping in his room

When he wakes can you pop a story CD on and tell him to lie and listen to it? Our DS has just started doing this (although he's 3.10) and we just pop a story on repeat, and threaten that he won't be allowed his advent calendar in the morning if he gets up again and he seems to drift back off within 30 mins. Or a pile of books for him to look through if he wakes up?

Does he share a room with either of your other DC? My 3 year old used to wake a bit but hasn't since I put his sister in there. He seems to really like the company. Although it does fit with his personality - he doesn't really like being alone.

If not that then I remember going through these phases up until I was about 7 years old. I do remember being scared and going in with my mum and dad and then that would pass over again...

What on earth makes you think it is ok to send your child to sleep alone, while you snuggle cosily with someone else? That's just mean. No wonder he wants someone in his room. Poor little fellow.

My dd snuggles into one of my old t-shirts.
It smells of me and I guess it gives her comfort in the night.

It was suggested to me when she was born! The first smell she (supposedly) remembers will be the one that comforts her. So I gave her the t-shirt I wore, cuddling her when she was born.

Easy enough to try?

Buy a cheap top. Declare it your favourite and special. Wash it in your regular wash stuff. Quick spray with your perfume/deodorant.

Never crossed my mind to sleep in my children's room! But as you have been co sleeping he has not developed the necessary good sleep habits to sleep on his own hence the struggles now. I personally wouldn't go in every time mins. I am afraid I would ignore the calling out a bit.

Could you get a little sleeping bag and pillow rolled up somewhere in your room? So if he's scared he can come in and quietly snuggle down on your floor, but explain that mummy and daddy need sleep and if he wakes you (deliberately) he'll have to go back to his own room? Possibly deals with being genuinely scared but not as comfy/appealing as actually getting into bed with you, and lets you and DH have your space?

Thanks for all the replies. Apologies for the late reply-I've been rushed off my feet for the entire day.

I'm going to try and sit with him a while until he feels comfortable enough for me to leave. I like the idea of positive sleep associations and will try and have the patience to see it through.