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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is massively unfair, despite what he is going through

18 replies

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 11/12/2015 14:01

Been working in an office for nearly 4 years now. It is only a small office and we all get on great.

A new guy has started, I will call him Dave. He is only 21 and he lives away from home in a student house. His Mother passed away suddenly just before he started here.

Well, where do I start. He is out drinking every night which in itself has nothign to do with us but he isnt bothering to come in the next day. Doesn't even ring in. My manager has driven to his house on 3 occasions (she says she has a duty of care and he doesnt answer his phone) and ends up having to drive him in. He laughs to us about going out and it feels like he is taking the piss.

Our manager seems to be taking on a mothering role (she lost hers a few years back) and she admits she feels sorry for him. She even arranged bereavement counselling for him which he didnt go to.

Last week he was on his last warning yet this morning there was no sign of him and he was collected from his house again!

He has just announced that he is going on a 7day bender next week.

AIBU to tell Manager that we feel he is massively taking the piss or should I just leave her to it

OP posts:

Supermanspants · 11/12/2015 14:04

Leave her to it.

EdithWeston · 11/12/2015 14:05

Leave her to it, as it sounds like he's well along the route of supportive interventions, followed by warnings, followed by final warning.

He may or may not go on the bender he's talking about. But if he does and is then late (again) your manager will notice the lateness irrespective of any prior notice that it's likely.

Sighing · 11/12/2015 14:05

I think you should raise areas where work is bein impacted by his absence/ low work quality. The manager has an unusual connection for this one (one coincidence that would hope not leave either burdened). But.
Clearly he needs to figure it out (yesterday) or ship out.

PurpleDaisies · 11/12/2015 14:07

What impact does his unreliability have on your work? If things are getting missed because he's not there I'd have a chat with the manager, but otherwise leave her to sort it out.

SevenOfNineTrue · 11/12/2015 14:30

Does his absence mean you or your colleagues have to cover his work?

maybebabybee · 11/12/2015 14:41

If his absences don't affect your work, it is none of your business.

Original poster

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 11/12/2015 14:42

Yes, we all do the same work so we have extra calls to answer, extra mail to deal with

OP posts:

maybebabybee · 11/12/2015 14:43

in that case it's not on and I would have a word with your manager.

Goingtobeawesome · 11/12/2015 14:43

Could he be drinking to try and dill the pain of losing his mum - hence the boss not being hard on him.

cdtaylornats · 11/12/2015 15:00

Perhaps you could suggest she is failing in her duty of care by enabling a self-destructive cycle of drinking.

Either he is not putting in full time timesheets and HR will notice or he is and HR will find out about the lateness, in the first scenario at some point he will get a warning, in the second scenario he will get sacked and possibly prosecuted for fraud and at the very least she will get a poor appraisal and a written warning.

Aibuaddict · 13/12/2015 08:09

Similar situation at our work. But lost his father not mother. The guy was fired in the end (a temp) and killed himself that weekend. Yes, he was taking the piss. Yes, he deserved to be fired. But in hindsight, would the manager have done something differently? Yes. Leave her to it. She sounds like she's doing all she can to support him.

ConfusedInBath · 13/12/2015 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 13/12/2015 08:21

She lost her Mum, your Manager is obviously trying to support him at a difficult time and It being Christmas too, perhaps he's drinking to dull his pain.

It's shit that you and your colleagues are having to pick up his slack, that's not on.

A 7 day bender? He'll be in A+E before the week's out at that rate.

AntiHop · 13/12/2015 08:23

It sounds frustrating but I'm really pleased to hear your boss is supporting this guy. It's nice that she's treating him like a human being and not just a number on a spread sheet. If more companies acted like that then the world would be a better place.

x2boys · 13/12/2015 08:26

It must be awful though my dh sister was found dead earlier this yr completely out of the blue leaving her three children he is taking the piss but it's a massive shock.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 13/12/2015 08:48

Leave her to it. She's well aware of what he's doing. She's just responding to it differently from yourself and your colleagues.

If he's not been there long then I'm guessing that even if he was extremely diligent, he still wouldn't be up to the same workload as everyone else. So yy I get that you are finding it frustrating but losing a parent is incredibly hard and I don't think the world will implode with a bit more compassion in it. It's the manager's job to manage so let her do it.

Enjolrass · 13/12/2015 09:01

I think you need to speak to your boss but not don't be too judgmental about him.

Also, we had this. Woman started with us, just lost her mum. Drinking loads, to the point you couldn't sit next to her because she stank of booze.

Stopped turning up and then her dh had heart attack, she had time off to look after him.

Turned out it was all bollocks. Her mum died years before. She was an alcoholic, the dh was healthy. She just used lies to excuse her being off so she could get drunk.

It's possible the manager is having the piss taken too.

I feel for anyone who has lost a parent , but this can't continue indefinitely

skankingpiglet · 13/12/2015 09:10

My DH lost his parents quite close together some years ago now. He went on an 18 month bender. He's still incredulous he didn't lose his job, but very glad he didn't as it would have added a whole extra level of stress (not to mention cocking up his career). It was different for him as he'd been in his job some time so his employer knew the 'normal' him and was willing to see him through the difficult time.
I lost my mum earlier this year and I haven't gone down the same path but I've still been a mess.
I know it's frustrating OP, but it's a good thing your manager is doing. Hopefully he will come out of the other side sooner rather than later, before she loses her goodwill. 21 is very young really to deal with losing a parent. I was 31, and I still feel like I've been robbed of several decades with DM. YABU to tell her he's taking the piss, if nothing else that would be undermining her authority. I'd be pretty hacked off if my staff started to tell me how I should be doing my job. As a PP said, if you must say anything, it should be along the lines of struggling with the extra workload at the moment and let her connect the dots.

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