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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to worry about DD starting play school

26 replies

blondieblonde · 03/12/2015 13:26

In January my oldest child (DD, 3) is going to start attending the local play school, attached to the bigger school, going every morning. It's a good school but I feel worried about it, not knowing what she'll come into contact with. Another friend at the school said her daughter came home much more worried about what she wears, and has learnt ideas about being pretty and other competitive and personal things the children say to each other. Some of the parents waiting at the gates are nice but some are really frightening bad parents (I know them from locally). It's a real mix. She hasn't been in childcare before so it's a big deal and I want to make sure it's ok. Does anyone have a positive story of their child starting play school? It also now strikes me as a long time to be going to play school, over a year before 'big' school starts. Basically I'm having doubts about it.

OP posts:
TurnOffTheTv · 03/12/2015 13:30

You don't have to send her if you don't want to.

mouldycheesefan · 03/12/2015 13:35

Choose a different one then where there are not frightening bad parents. You can use your fifteen. Users hours at any nursery. Although it's late in the day now to find a space.

Or don't send her at all.

What will you do about the scary parents etc when she starts school?

Original poster
blondieblonde · 03/12/2015 13:41

I don't know. I thought it would be better than nursery, and more normal in that all the kids are only there for the mornings... I just felt it had a bit of a rough vibe. Not really sure if I'm being oversensitive.

OP posts:
TurnOffTheTv · 03/12/2015 13:43

All my three went to private nursery instead of school nursery and never had any problems starting school.

mouldycheesefan · 03/12/2015 13:45

Research your options then. But it will depend on where has space for January start.

Original poster
blondieblonde · 03/12/2015 13:46

I have researched them... I thought it was really nice and it has only good reports but earlier I saw that there were a lot of rough parents waiting outside. I am just a bit apprehensive about my DD starting. It is a nice little local comprehensive school really.

OP posts:
Enjolrass · 03/12/2015 13:47

What do you mean rough parents?

attheendoftheday · 03/12/2015 13:47

I was worried before dd1 went, but it was honestly fine, a really positive experience for her.

You don't have to send her, but unless you're planning to home school it's a world she'll enter at some point. Joining at this age will be gentler and more supportive than going straight into reception.

I talked to dd1's brilliant keyworker about my worries that she'd never been cared for outside our family before, she was great. I stayed for a full session, and for about ten mins at the beginning a few more times. The keyworker had a deal with me where I'd leave and sit in the car for 10 mins, and she'd ring me if dd1 was upset. Dd1 was absolutely fine and really well looked after there.

I think it's important to remember that it is better in the long run to try and encourage emotional resilience in your dc, and preschool was a little step towards this.

Whatsinaname2011 · 03/12/2015 13:48

You don't have to send her and you don't have to send her 5 days a week either. Why not start slower?

Thurlow · 03/12/2015 13:50

You don't have to send her if you don't want to.

Though if this is a local pre-school, will it not be the same kids and parents if she goes to your local school?

worried about what she wears, and has learnt ideas about being pretty and other competitive and personal things the children say to each other

That to me is just what happens when kids start mixing in bigger groups. It's not ideal. I'd quite rather my 4yo didn't tell me that she doesn't like me anymore, I'm not allowed to play with her toys, and I'm not her best friend anymore. I'd also rather she hadn't decided there are boys and girls colours, and that she ought to be wearing more skirts.

But in reality, when kids start pre-school or school they pick up new ideas from other kids. I can't imagine there will be any difference whether she starts at 3 or at 5 - she will still see competition, be exposed to others kids opinions.

All you can do about that as a parent is question and challenge these opinions if they don't quite match with yours, and try and teach your child that winning isn't everything, that they should dress how they want etc.

Thurlow · 03/12/2015 13:51

But what does rough parents mean?

Do you think that automatically means that their kids will be rough? Confused

Snossidge · 03/12/2015 13:51

In what way are these other parents rough and frighteningly bad?

You could start your DD in September if you like. Or send her somewhere else entirely.

To be honest though, she has to start school at some point and will be mixing with the awful kids of rough parents then.

Original poster
blondieblonde · 03/12/2015 14:00

Rude parents. One of the dads once yelled at my while I was cycling home, that sort of thing. Parents who are unkind to their kids and give them bad values. Just a few, but it bothered me. I wouldn't like to be around the parents everyday so I worry about my DD being around their kids every day.

OP posts:
Thurlow · 03/12/2015 14:01

I get that you're worried about her starting pre-school, which is quite normal, but... How do you know that they are unkind to their kids and "give them bad values"?

That's just judging the poor kids without even knowing them.

TheHouseOnTheLane · 03/12/2015 14:04

It's hard OP but there will be and are a few bad apples in every school..even in the most "choice" areas.

It is part of your child learning independence...to go out into the world and learn to deal with others who might not have the same values.

And the kids with the same values always find each other and make friends.

She'll be fine.

Original poster
blondieblonde · 03/12/2015 14:05

I do know a couple of the kids from toddler groups - they are confused little brutes.

Though lots of nice kids at the school too.

OP posts:
PegsPigs · 03/12/2015 14:05

I'm sorry blondie but it sounds like only a private nursery or preschool will meet your cotton wool wrapping requirements Hmm

The rest of us in the real world realise that there is a wide range of personality types in the world from a spectrum of backgrounds. Your job is to instill good values in your child and this is despite the 'rough' people she might come into contact with. Cosseting her from the real world won't do her any favours in the long term.

Jw35 · 03/12/2015 14:08

Find another nursery. She could start after Easter, no rush! Rude parents are everywhere though!

mrsjanedoe · 03/12/2015 14:12

Apart from researching other schools, no advice here I am afraid.

I do understand your point OP. I actively moved to a decent area to make sure my kids would be with kids of similar background. There is always a good mix in all schools, but the area where you live can ensure you stay with a majority of similar people. (the same way some people prefer a religious school for their children).

Sadly, rude parents are everywhere!

RiverTam · 03/12/2015 14:12

DD was in nursery for nearly 3 years and is now in year one at school and we've never had anything like this, so I dispute that it's inevitable. I wouldn't like it either. But as far as I'm aware we don't have any parents like that (definitely not at nursery and I'm pretty sure not at school, which is pretty mixed, inner city). And it's a non uniform school but DD hasn't says anything to us about what anyone else wears.

You don't have to send her. Maybe see how it goes whilst looking around for sinething else?

Thurlow · 03/12/2015 14:13

Rude little brutes

Um... pot, kettle?

That's a lovely way to talk about young children.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/12/2015 14:14

My dses mixed with people from all sorts of backgrounds, from playgroup onwards, and they have grown up into fine young men (well, I would say that, wouldn't I...). We did our best to bring them up with the values we wanted, and to counter any opinions we didn't agree with.

Yes, they will encounter opinions and attitudes that you don't like, but I honestly believe that the influence of home and parents generally outweighs these. If they come home saying something you don't like, or don't agree with - you can have a discussion about it, and explain why you don't share that particular attitude/opinion.

But the world is full of people who won't necessarily share all your opinions and values, and your child is going to have to live in that world. You can try to insulate them from everything you don't agree with, or you can equip them with the tools to live in the world and to cope with different attitudes.

saoirse31 · 03/12/2015 14:19

I think your dd would benefit from being with more and maybe nicer people than you tbh. And quite likely she'll find them at that nursery.

The way you describe the children you don't like is disgusting.

Learningtoletgo · 03/12/2015 14:22

they are confused little brutes.

Seriously Hmm that's a horrible way to talk about little children.

You're going to have a hard time when she goes to school with that outlook.

mrsjanedoe · 03/12/2015 14:36

they are confused little brutes.

that could adequately describe some children I have seen in soft plays, not helped by the fact that their parents were completely ignoring their unacceptable behaviour. I wouldn't my kids to end up in the same class either.

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